Health – Vicarious Living

Calm Waters

Tabitha is standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the Peacock table, trying to think why she had gone into the kitchen in the first place! She looks at the table, looks round, catches sight of two little pigtails, and remembers! The spare nappy bags! Quickly she digs through the drawers where she was sure she had some stashed away, and dashes out of the kitchen the moment she lays hands on them. Great! Now, where is Eva? “Eva, where are you, sweetie, come here quickly, because Mummy needs to check on Theo.”

Tabitha grins to herself, and can feel her smile growing the moment she lifts Eva high up in the air! She has a daughter! A sweet, cheeky toddler, cute little face, little pigtails, auburn hair of course. She still needs to remind herself that it is really true, she has a daughter, and now, in the bassinet there is a little baby. She actually laughs out loud, which sends Eva into a fit of giggles!

“Do you think that’s funny?” She croons, tickling her, “You have no idea how special you are, little one, you really have no idea! One day, when you’re old enough, we will tell you. We will tell you about the miracle that you are, and why we called you Eva. I suppose we will tell you also why your little brother is called Theodore, which means Gift from God. You are, yes, you are, you both are,” she continues, and probably would have continued a lot longer, but for the footsteps coming into the lounge.

Cousin Chris, she groans to herself, just what I need. I wonder how much he heard. I know I shouldn’t care, really, but I do. She looks up, mainly because of Eva, who is looking up with a very confused expression. She never knew that toddlers could look that confused, and it worries her a little. Chris is standing nearby, a scowl making his eyes almost disappear under his bushy eyebrows. “Great way to go, cousin,” he grates out at her, “nice and kind, ha ha. Great to rub it in, as if you’re the only ones favoured by your God. You know, some peace and quiet in the house could also be a gift from God, and that is exactly what I would be enjoying, if your kids didn’t make such a racket.”

With that, he is out of the lounge again, leaving Tabitha almost as confused as Eva. The little girl looks at her face, and Tabitha brings on the sunniest smile she can pull, and they both giggle, and spin round, and play, until Tabitha feels all the anger floating out of the huge latticed windows. She tidies herself up a bit, straightens the lounge, and as she turns to go to the room with the bassinet, she glimpses a shade of red going round the corner. Victoria.

Tabitha’s happiness has a little wobble, she feels so sad for Victoria! After all, the girl grew up in an amazing house, a mansion, richly decorated and furnished, with fun loving people. Now she is living in their cluttered house, as varied in colour as the ‘amazing technicolour dreamcoat’, apart from the amazing bit that is. She wonders if Victoria ever regrets marrying Chris? Not at first of course, as Chris was all smiles and hugs whilst courting her. He dressed immaculately for their wedding, and even for the wedding reception. The pictures show him smiling broadly at Victoria, hugging her, talking to her.

Tabitha tries to think when that changed. She knows that straight after their wedding Richard was diagnosed with Llama Flu. She shivers, like she always does when she thinks of that time. Her stomach still does a flip when she remembers the fear and anxiety of those days. Victoria had been so sweet then, helping her, supporting her and Richard. They had lived in the Granny Annexe for a while, until just before Eva was born. Victoria had suggested they moved back, and she and Chris would live in the Annexe.

Tabitha thinks through the moments they have had, and that is when Richard notices her. He is feeding Theodore when she walks into their room. “You alright?” he asks, looking a bit concerned, but still focussed on his son. His son! He can’t get over it, one moment he is going to live with Llama Flu, and all that entails, the next moment he is the immensely proud father of two children! “You look like you’re thinking,” he smiles at Tabitha, “trying to remember something you needed to do? Bath Eva? Clean Theo? Kiss me?”

Tabitha laughs, honestly, Richard can cheer her up any time! “I was just thinking about Victoria,” she says, “I was trying to remember when Chris stopped being outgoing, smiling, and returned to his usual sulky self. I spotted Victoria walking past the lounge, and I just wondered how she really is doing at the moment. You both grew up in such a lush environment, with so much luxury, it must be hard to leave all that behind.” She looks at Richard, and tries to smile at him. She doesn’t want to sound like she thinks he is ungrateful or materialistic, but she is a realist!

Richard looks at the tasteful blue room, the little boy in his arms, beautiful wife standing in front of him, and his smile reaches from one ear to the other ear, splitting his face in two. “Oh sweetheart, don’t you worry about that, not ever! I have all I need, all I want, you’re the best thing any man can have. I also have two adorable kids, what more would I want? I’m the richest man in Sims Mobile, who cares about stuff? You know, having the Flu helped to get life into perspective. It’s so sweet of you to think about that though, you’re my love!”

Tabitha is relieved, she knows he really means it. He really is the kindest man she could imagine, and to be married to him is, well, amazing doesn’t really do it justice! She looks round the room as well, happy with the blue bedspread… “I’m so glad we have a blue bedspread,” she says with great conviction. Richard straightens up from the bassinet, and stares at her.

“Excuse me?” he hesitates, looking totally confused, “did I miss part of the conversation? I thought we were talking about something different?”

Tabitha laughs, “It’s my wild train of thought,” she jokes, “it just took an unexpected turn. I was thinking about the Llama Flu, and the horror of those days, and how I used to wake up looking at the yellow bedspread. I vowed at one time that I would get rid of it, and never sleep under a stripy yellow bedspread again! Life is so different now, the Llama days seem a different lifetime, something that happened to another generation, and I just thought how grateful I was to have a blue bedspread.”

They laugh, her wild thought patterns a standing joke between them. Tabitha maintains that it helps her in her job, that it makes her a more creative photographer. Richard winds her up, and says that she just uses it as a smart excuse in order to get away with chaotic conversations! They look at each other, holding hands, smiling into each other’s eyes. “Can you remember that party Victoria threw for us? The one straight after Eva was born? Everyone seemed to turn up in yellow! In fact, one of the guests thought they had misread the party invite, and missed the fact that it was supposed to be a yellow party!”

“That was such a wonderful night, and I remember the feeling of your hands, your kisses, when we renewed our vows…It was so special, I was so moved…” Tabitha’s throat isn’t being very cooperative just now, she can only swallow, not speak. “I remember,” she manages to squeak out, “I remember us both promising to love and to hold, to cherish, in everything, in sickness and health… By then we really knew what those words meant, we weren’t just rattling our way through them in order to finish the Event. We meant them. Doesn’t that seem forever ago? But I can still see us both, standing under the arch, you in your canary shirt…” she can’t talk, she is laughing too much now, remembering Richard, by then the picture of health, wearing a ridiculous getup, love radiating off him in huge waves, encapsulating her, captivating her, enveloping her, until they were the only people on Sims Planet, let alone Sims Mobile.

Nothing else mattered, nothing else was needed, just the two of them. She remembers the tiny pitter patter of Eva’s staggering first few steps, and how it had reduced her to tears, overwhelmed with God’s goodness in all their riches.

Looking at the little bassinet, just able to spot a tiny fist waving about, she thinks back to those days, dreaming, floating on the memories. She looks up at her Mr Handsome, and says, in a much more serious voice, “You know, I can’t ever forget those hair raising days, the heartache and grief, but you know, I realise how easy it is to become placid. It is so easy to slide into everyday life, and to just take it all for granted!”

Richard agrees, “Yes, I sort of vowed that I would never take good health for granted again. Most days I do, though, and it’s scarily easy to do so! Life is so full and busy, and we lap it up, and we forget to actually stop and thank God for it. We just live it, love the gifts, enjoy the gifts and use them, and we actually in all our busy moment forget the Giver! It’s only when things go wrong that we look for something or someone to blame. We never blame anyone when things go the way we want them to go… It’s just so easy to do, I mean, life is so amazing, and the days just glide from one day into the next, it’s so surreal after the manic stress and devastating terror of those Llama days!”

Tabitha goes back to the kitchen, thinking about this. Victoria helps her to get dinner ready, and they chat a little in between grilling and stirring. “How are you doing?” asks Tabitha, “I meant to ask you the other day, we just seem to move past each other all the time!”

Victoria smiles, she always smiles thinks Tabitha, and shrugs, “Oh, I have been busy too, although not in the same way as you have of course! The Court is just quite busy at the moment, there have been quite a few parties in town, so that always brings extra work of course.” Tabitha grimaces and nods, parties can be like that. Looking at Victoria’s cute pixie like face, she realises that she could actually listen to Victoria’s voice for ages, it’s so sweet!

“I saw your friends quite a while ago, you know, the guy with the cowboy hat? They came in to register their daughter’s birth! It can’t have been that long before Eva was born, it was definitely around the time of…of…well, you know, that awful time, when everyone in town was so worried. Penny they called her, so sweet! She really is a cute little girl, and they are so happy! They were both at the Celebration Party as well, you know, after…after…” Victoria’s melodious voice actually harpers a bit, Tabitha notices in shock, “They said they had someone keeping an eye on Penny, and they took it in turn to pop back home to double check. I wonder if they have had another baby yet, or whether they will just have the one. Its such a responsibility, you know, so I can understand about families with just one child. Seems a tiny bit sad for the child though, if you know what I mean. Also, it’s then easy to put all your hopes and expectations on the one child, which could be awkward, like with…” she stops, blushes a bit, and turns to the microwave, “Oh, this one is done, I just love how you can nuke things quickly!”

Tabitha is a bit dazed after all that, and grins in herself, “I know I said I could listen to her sweet clear voice all day? Well, I think I just did…!”

Victoria breezes out of the kitchen once they’re finished, smiling, and chattering to Adrianna. Tabitha looks at the two of them disappearing off to some project no doubt, Mum loves projects, an Victoria always seems to have a surplus of energy… I wish I could borrow some, at least till Theo sleeps through the night… Interesting that she suddenly stopped though, when talking about small families. Maybe she isn’t as happy as she looks. After all, Chris is Mr Awkward at the best of times, with his longsuffering attitude…with the stress on suffering… Honestly, I’m sure he just looks for opportunities to become the victim of something or other! I wonder what they think about our children? I have seen Victoria watching, smiling as usual, and Chris seems to glare every time they make a noise. I just wonder…poor Victoria,, I hope she really is alright?

Celebrations

The voice outside her bedroom has stopped, the phone call ended, the silence smothering her, making it hard to breath. The door to the Granny Annexe opens, she can tell by the way shoes are scraped on the mat that Richard has come in. Will he come to this side of the divider and tell her what the phone call was about? She can hear his steps coming over, and through the divider she can see his tall form, looking incredible weary. Her heart sinks. The phone call must have been bad news. She leans back into the pillows, clutching the yellow bedspread as tight as she can, to stop herself from crying out, from breaking down. If that was bad news, then Richard will need a strong wife to help him through this storm.

Richard comes round the blue divider, looks at her, and almost throws himself on her. “Oh Tabitha,” he weeps, “Oh Tabitha, that was Dr Dean himself. There is hope, there really is hope! I will need to get to the EA Hospital straight away, bringing my ID number, and Letter of Introduction, he will take photos, and review my case! He says not to despair, that it’s amazing what they can do, and he sympathised with me, saying how awkward it must feel to be a doctor and not being able to help myself!”

He clutches her, sobs shaking his broad muscular shoulders, his broad chest heaving, breathing big gasps of air. “I have been so scared, so worried! I love you so much, I am desperate to have a life with you, I want a family with you, to be all that a husband should be, protecting you, supporting you, cherishing you…instead I’m dying on you! I feel so guilty, so devastated, and now…there is hope, I can finally see this minuscule speck of light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel!”

Getting dressed, getting bags packed, getting transport, getting to the Hospital…Tabitha sighs, so much getting, rushing, moving around. Now they are at the huge EA Hospital, and it has turned into a waiting game. Dr Dean’s secretary has taken their details, ID number, Letters, papers. They have been for photos, and the results were through to the Doctor already, she assured them. There is nothing to be done but wait. Tabitha looks at Richard, waiting patiently in the uncomfortable chair next to her. He looks exhausted! First the party, then that phone call and all the emotions that call brought to the surface, then the mad scrambling about, and now…nothing. No wonder he looks past it!

Finally they get to see Dr Dean. He is very kind and confident, lively and with a great sense of humour. Tabitha is amazed, she found most doctors lose their sense of humour after seeing to many patients, worn down by people’s grumbles and complaints. He tells them that there is definitely hope, and that he might be able to do a Reversal, if necessary, but that he will need a little more information. He gives them a list with information he will need, and a note for the ward where Richard will need to stay overnight, as well as the usual stack of permission papers to sign.

The ward is light and tastefully decorated, based on the second floor, with large windows at the end of each room. Richard installs himself, glad to be able to rest. Tabitha fusses around, refreshing his water, straitening his blanket, moving things, fiddling…until he asks her to just sit, and rest! Tabitha lowers herself in the chair, feeling herself shaking inside, her nerves taut as a tightrope. She just wants to know the outcome, wants the procedure done, wants Richard well!

Late in the afternoon, when Tabitha realises that she will need to get back home soon, the door to Richard’s ward opens, and a doctor comes in, a lady doctor. She is very kind looking, smiles, introduces herself and explains why she is here. “I have looked at your case, and I can see that there are 16 t-shirts missing. We will try and reverse that, of course, but I will just need to look into it a bit more.”

Tabitha and Richard are stunned. T-shirts? Missing? Does she mean he hasn’t got Llama Flu, but just a clothes allergy? “You mean…you mean, if I just wear a different type of clothes, I will actually be alright?” Richard stammers, utterly confused.

The lady doctor smiles, and says, “Well, that might work. You could try it, and see if it works?”

Tabitha speaks up then, her voice strained, lips feeling like rubber and out of her control, “We tried that! We tried it lots of times! As soon as he arrived somewhere new though, the symptoms all came back! I’m sure, we’re sure, it’s a lot more serious than can be fixed by different clothes. I know allergies can be devastating, debilitating, but this seems to be very different from an allergic reaction!”

The doctor listens, makes some notes, and agrees to look into the case a bit more, but she explains that if there is a fundamental disease at work, there might not be much modern EA medicine can do to help. They might just have to learn to live with the bug, or not live as the case may be.

Tabitha leans back in the chair, too shocked to hear or see anything. She barely registers the lady doctor saying goodbye and leaving the ward. She doesn’t hear the nurse telling all visitor to go and let the patients rest. She is just lost to the world, utterly devastated. No hope after all. Richard will always be in Sims Mobile, no traits, never really part of the family, and no friends, for his disease makes it impossible for people outside the family to interact with him properly. He will be living in the house for many generations, seeing them, hearing them, but never really part of them. How absolutely ruinous this disease is, destroying their lives, their dreams…

She finally staggers from the hospital, blinded by tears, her face wet, her heart crushed and grinded to pieces. No hope! No hope, her heart beats with each step. She can’t remember how she got back home, but somehow she finds herself in the little Granny Annexe, in the big double bed with the yellow bedspread. How she hates that bedspread by now, determined to buy another bedspread as soon as she can! Any colour but yellow, she thinks, her head spinning, thoughts floating round and round, making her feel nauseous. She leans back in the pillows, turning them every now and then when the cascading tears have soaked the pillowslip too much.

When morning comes, Tabitha drags herself out of bed, gets dressed, and prepares herself for the hospital visit, her thoughts drifting through shops selling black outfits. “I will need a mourning dress, and some black every day clothes,” she thinks, exhaustion making her walk slower than ever. She gets to the hospital though, of course she does, however much she wished she didn’t have to be there yet, to just postpone the inevitable a little longer. There is no delaying the meeting though, and soon she is standing by Richard’s bedside. He looks so handsome, yet so poorly, she thinks. Richard clearly hasn’t slept either, the grief in his eyes nearly her undoing.

The door opens, they turn round, and there is Dr Dean! He smiles at them, shakes hands, and sits down at the side of the bed. “I need to apologise,” he begins, “something went wrong yesterday, a bit of a misunderstanding I’m afraid, so don’t worry about my colleague’s explanation. Anyway, I have reviewed your case again myself, and I am convinced that we can do the Reversal. That has some consequences, as you can imagine, but it should also lead to your full and total recovery, if the procedure is successful, that is.”

Tabitha gasps, Richard grips her hand, and both of them stare at the doctor, hope springing up in their hearts again, tears forming, happy tears! They smile at each other, and agree to have the procedure done immediately. It won’t take very long, and hopefully the effect will not be too devastating. “Richard will need to stay in overnight, for observation, to check that the Flu is definitely gone. If he seems clear he may go home, and you will need to observe him there for a day as well. Once he had been clear for the day, he should be recovered fully.” Tabitha wondered how the doctor saw ‘full recovery’, whether there would be any aftereffects of the Flu, any permanent damage… She didn’t really want to ask though, I mean, she couldn’t, could she! He had just given them a ticket to life, so how could she moan about details, and wanting more than was given them?

She wondered though. She wondered all through the operation, when Richard came back to the ward, looking himself, and feeling better already. The doctor said that he was quite sure that the Reversal had been successfull, but obviously only time would tell. Tabitha went home, and still wondered. Richard came home the next morning, having been completely cleared by the Hospital. That evening they knew, they both knew that the dreaded Llama Flu had been vanquished! Yes, there had been some cost to it, some small losses, but nothing they couldn’t recover, really. Now he was here, with her, alive and well! Oh joy!

“The honeymoon can start now!” he whispers into her hair that night, “Where would you like to go? I can’t believe it, I really can’t! My heart feels it could burst any moment, I’m so incredibly happy! After the desolation the bad news brought me, I feel total bliss and exhilaration, and…and so much joy!”

Tabitha smiles, and kisses him back, and whispers, “I know, my beloved, I know. I didn’t believe it then, but that night, that horrible excruciating night, when the lady doctor had taken all hope away from us, a verse came into my heart. I dismissed it, too grieved to even believe it possible. After all, she had been pretty sure of herself, and seemed very smart and competent, so I had no reason to believe this whisper in my heart. It said, ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.’ I was too sad to listen, but it was right! That still, small voice was right, and I am so glad! I’m just overflowing with gratefulness, and I can’t wait to glide through life at your side!”

The honeymoon was glorious, and all that honeymoons are made for, joy bubbling from hem like a spring, infecting everyone around them. Their happiness knew no bounds it seemed, and life was the golden dream that Tabitha had so wished for. They didn’t think anyone in Sims Mobile could be happier than they were, that they had really bumped into the ceiling of joy.

They were wrong. It turned out that joy could grow a lot more, as it did, in sync with Tabitha’s belly! They were expecting a baby, and Tabitha didn’t have to wonder anymore. When Dr Dean had said there would be a full recovery, he really meant it! They were going to be parents, they were having a family after all! Tabitha cried so many happy tears that her Mum started to worry. “I’m sure all these tears can’t be very good for the baby,” she said rather disapprovingly one afternoon, “I think you might have to deal with your happiness in a better way, my dear.”

The months flew by, and then there was the big day, when Richard and Tabitha were able to show their daughter to the world! They named her Eva, ‘the mother of all living’ Tabitha had said, smiling, and crying again, of course! “She is our miracle baby, the blessing we thought we would never have. We feel so, so utterly rich.” She kissed the tiny face, overwhelmed with God’s goodness to them. Yes, they were definitely dancing on the mountaintops again, and not ever would they take any blessing for granted, but would always carefully count them, one by one!

Shadows

Tabitha is hiding in the golden bathroom. Her eyes are sore, her nose is red, her face wet with tears. How can life go so badly wrong in such a short time? She sobs and sobs, trying to stifle them as much as possible, for fear that Richard will hear. Richard! That brings on a new flood of tears. “Oh, Richard,” she groans “my Richard! My wonderful, strong, handsome Knight in shining armour! What am I going to do? What can we do?”

Just a day or so ago Tabitha had been dancing on the mountaintop of life. Her heart was fit to burst, her cup was overflowing. She and Richard couldn’t have been happier, their future together stretching out as an endless golden dream. Now, in just the blink of an eye, their future looks a black gaping abyss.

Tabitha looks round her beautiful bathroom, all golden and shiny. What she wouldn’t give to have her dreams restored and polished till they shone again, too. Never, when going through all the worries about getting engaged and getting married, having to share her life and bed with a virtual stranger, never for once did she imagine this. Sure, arranged marriage is a huge gamble, it could lead to heartache and all sorts of issues. Sure, there is a lot of unfaithfulness, even in Sims Mobile, but Tabitha hadn’t banked on this. This horror, this…this unimaginable horror.

All was well during the wedding event, in spite of it lasting for ages. The sweet times together still play in her mind, in spite of their bittersweet aftertaste. The event did last, and last, and at one point Richard changed back into his green superhero suit. Tabitha stayed in her wonderful dress, it made her feel the queen of the house, even if it was just for a limited time! They discussed all sorts of things. They confessed all sorts of things. Tabitha confessed that she had toyed with the idea of just getting eloped; Richard didn’t like that idea!

The tears subside a bit whilst Tabitha is replaying the wedding, and the wonderful tender times they had. Until she remembers that conversation about having a family, planning how many children they were going to have. Tabitha slides down on the cool bathroom tiles, crying as if her heart will break. Children! They were going to have a house full of them, filling the little bassinet as quickly as it would empty! They had dreamed together about playing with their children, playing with the castle, watching them draw, encouraging them, praising them.

Tabitha cries and cries, until she is totally spent, and can not possibly cry anymore. She can’t get off the floor, she is too worn out. She doesn’t care about her wonderful career, she doesn’t care about the beautiful wedding dress she managed to buy. She doesn’t care about life anymore. What sort of life is it, anyway, which lies ahead? Bleak, empty, dark…never ending…

Once the wedding event was over, and they were officially pronounced husband and wife, life soon went back to normality. All four of them, as Chris and Victoria were married by now as well, went to work on the Luxury Events. They had totally neglected these as their courtships and weddings had taken top priority. Now that they were all four happily married, and both Victoria and Richard had been allowed to move in, it was time to resume normality.

That was when disaster struck, or rather, when the effects of the disaster became apparent. Tabitha stares ahead, not seeing the sparkling bath, or anything else for that matter. All she can see is the horror, the dread, the shock on her beloved’s face. Richard had gone to the restaurant to do the event there, she was at home, doing the Leisure event. First there had been a very garbled message from Jalisa Key. Jalisa is the manager at the restaurant, another one of the ancient workers that never seem to retire. According to Jalisa, Richard had collapsed, and was in fact beyond recognition.

Tabitha had absolutely no idea what Jalisa was talking about, the woman sounded completely out of breath as well as out of sense. She tried to get her off the phone as quickly as she could, just a little worried, wondering if the move and long wedding had been more tiring than they had realised. Tabitha wasn’t over concerned, as Richard was a very competent doctor, as well as young and strong, his muscles bulging under his wedding shirt!

Until she saw him, standing on the doorstep. Her world caved in, and everything went black. When Tabitha came round, she was on the bed in the Granny Annexe, a sad Lancelot and Adrianna by her side. She could tell that Adrianna had been crying, and she couldn’t remember her Dad ever looking so sad! “What happened?” she asked, then it all came flooding back in her mind. Her darling Richard, looking like a pink blob, standing on the doorstep, looking more distraught than she had thought possible. Her handsome, powerful husband, with his kind eyes and ready smile, reduced to a blob. It was beyond comprehension.

Richard knew what it was, of course. So did her Uncle Sebastian. They explained it to her, much later, when she was recovered of her initial shock. They all sat down in the Granny Annexe, looking sad, although for now Richard had recovered a little, looking just like his normal self. Tabitha looked at him, his strong arms, his eyes sparkling, just like he had looked for the last days or so whilst courting her, marrying her. Hope crept into her heart, she allowed it to sneak in quietly. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, with him looking the picture of health and manliness?

All her hopes were dashed though, and she felt her heart disintegrating with each sentence. The one word that started the destruction of her dreams was ‘Llama Flu’, and all hope fled from her heart. Llama Flu, the dreaded disease that Sims Mobile Hospital had been battling for centuries! The best doctors over the years had tried various vaccines, but nothing seemed to completely eradicate it. The vaccines prevented some of the cases, and in fact, she couldn’t remember having heard of a single case. Until now, that is.

She had heard of people displaying some of the symptoms: no growth in Traits, not retiring, not being able to move out… Nobody had ever told her about a single person having a full blown case of Llama Fly, though. Now it was here, in town, in her house, in her family. Her sweet, sweet husband was struck down with it! Tabitha closes her eyes, covering her face with her hands, and sobs.

Nothing in life has prepared her for this. There had been no warning, no way of knowing. No way of dealing with it either, it seems… She is utterly heartbroken, and looking at her wonderful husband, it is impossible to picture them together in the garden, wearing a white dress and a tux, whispering, laughing, kissing…

She cries out, wails, shrieks, clings onto him with all her might, their tears mixing whilst they kiss each other wildly, desperately, two young people crushed by the weight of calamity. Time stands still whilst they weep together, but eventually the cries subside, tears run dry, desperation turns into utter sadness. Richard looks at his sweet wife. He has come to really love and care for her, however independent she might be! He had been insanely happy during the wedding, eager to pack his bags and move in with his dearest Tabitha. Now all that seemed a dream, and the awakening had been abrupt and rude, shattering the dream, leaving just a faint memory of it.

“I’m sorry, my love, my sweetest Tabitha,” he whispers, his throat sore from crying, “I’m so, so sorry, more than I could ever express. I’m so sad on your account, having married a useless husband…My greatest wish was to provide for you, to take care of you the way you deserve…” He can’t speak anymore, his throat closed up, tears, new tears finding their way down his face.

Tabitha shushes him, putting a shaking hand on his lips. “Shhhh, my beloved, shhhh, Mr Handsome. I still love you, like I promised, ‘In sickness and in health’, and nothing will change that.” She swipes at some tears that managed to escape her eyes. “I love you, and to me you will always be my own special Mr Handsome. We will get through this, we are still together, you will still have good moments, as well as…as…” her voices quivers and almost breaks, but she won’t allow it to, “it won’t be easy, I know that but together we will make it, I promise!”

That was yesterday, and Tabitha still means it. The thing that almost hurts the most is the fact that not only does he regularly turn into a useless pink blob, he is also unable to give her any children. Not only are they unable to bear children naturally, Richard suffering from Llama Flu also excludes them from adopting children! The grief over that was almost Tabitha’s undoing. When her Uncle had explained the infertility issue, Tabitha had taken it quite calmly. In fact, she had thought by herself, “Oh well, there are other ways of growing a family. Surely it’s just a sad consequence, but not totally the end of our large family dreams.” Turns out that she was wrong. It was the end of her large family dreams, any family dreams in fact.

The most hurtful in the whole thing had been Chris’ remark the following day. It was that remark that made her flee to the safety of the bathroom, and open the floodgates of her heart. Chris had looked at her sad face, and remarked, “Seems like you needed those prayers after all! Seems like you can’t even get married without a little extra help. On the other hand, maybe if you hadn’t relied on your God, this might not have happened…!”

She had been so shocked, so utterly speechless, that all she could do was stagger to the bathroom, and lean against the wall, carefully avoiding all mirrors. Now she is here, in this bathroom, worn out, alone. She carelessly wonders what time it is, she does still have a job, after all! She sighs, nothing makes sense. Was Chris right after all?

Tabitha sits up straight, remembering the despair her Aunt Guinevere had been in, and how she had overcome all that. She was the one who had brought God into Tabitha’s life, and Tabitha would cling to Him now, in her despair.

She leans her head on her knees, wondering if she would ever feel a semblance of happiness again. Would she ever smile again, properly smile that is? Soon the wedding reception will be here, she will have to wear her special gown, smile, greet guests…Could she cope with their pitying looks, their whispers or well meaning advice? Part of her shakes and trembles, and shrieks ‘No’, but then, from deep in her heart, she hears the tiny whisper, ‘Yes, yes, you can do it, you’re not alone, not ever! Not on top of the mountain, not in the deepest valley. You will never be deserted, you will never be forsaken. You will be carried through the hardest parts of life. Never will you be alone!’

Tabitha sighs, it’s not going to be easy, but it is going to be possible. She needs her friends, their kindness and sympathy, and Richard? He needs her too, he needs her to be strong and brave and to love him through this deepest of valleys! She can do it, yes, she can do it!. Now…what about shoes…and jewellery? Should she wear makeup…or not…? No time to lose, the reception will be here before she is ready at this rate!