03. Constance
Tuesday morning came, and I woke up sore and stiff from my cheap bed. It taught me a lesson to buy quality things, but as money was still in very short supply I had to be content with my awful bed. I got up early, watered my two plants, tidied up a bit as the mess around the place was affecting my mood. I sighed, I will never underestimated maid service again!” thinking about the regular cleaner at my parents’ house. Granted, sometimes they just sat down and watched telly, or even raided their fridge, but at least the house was clean and tidy.
Work was a struggle. I did enjoy being part of the orchestra, but my tiredness dragged me down. The noise the instruments made hurt my head, and my fingers were sore from trying to play the guitar. Being tired didn’t help with making friends either, as my mood sank further and further during my shift. I couldn’t wait to get home, and my rickety bed seemed more and more like the most luxurious four poster in my mind. I really thought I might fall asleep on the pavement outside the theatre by the time work finished…
I napped, pottered, and then went to bed happily, knowing that tomorrow it was my day off! I had great plans and wild dreams, and it involved the Girl with Glasses. First thing in the morning I was going to find out her name and contact her. My life was slipping away from me, and in order to keep the Legacy going I needed an heir. Also, I needed company, as living by myself in this one room house with a terrible bed was making me feel ill.
The next morning I could hardly wait till it was day! I looked her up, and her name was Constance. It flowed off my tongue and I kept whispering it to myself. She seemed so competent, and classy, and my hands shook when dialling her number. She agreed to meet up in town, and I got the taxi down to town, my hands sweaty and clammy. I kept drying them on my trousers, knowing that I would have to greet her quite formally. After all, we only met once, and even that was a few days ago! I swallowed when I spotted her, she was very smartly dressed, her hair in a neat bun, glasses making her look very smart indeed. I just hoped she didn’t think me cheeky, what with my one roomed house and all that…
She didn’t, she was very sweet in fact. We just chatted, and when I asked her about her career it turned out she was a journalist! So we talked a bit about writing, and she was very interested in my writing, which really pleased me. “She’s so smart and much better at writing, yet she listens to me rambling on, telling her that dramatic story,” I thought. The one niggle I had was her laugh. It as a bit hysterical, and I realised that one of her traits must be excitable… I had never met an excitable Sim before, as my parents and relatives had always been able to chose their traits. I now realised what a privilege that had been.
Some days it’s hard not to long for what has been, or what will never be, I suppose. I never saw myself as disgruntled or jealous or anything negative like that. Now I find myself looking at other people and just wishing… I think back to home, and the luxury we had there, and I feel the seeds of bitterness taking root and sprouting like my lettuce seeds. My back aches from my cheap bed, and the reason it lowers my mood well into the red is that I remember my childhood comfy bed. I’m hungry, eating cheap salads from the supermarket, and my stomach protests, remembering the wonderful homecooked food. Life is so hard, and it never was. Part of me knows that I went into the Challenge voluntarily, but part of me shrieks, “It’s not fair! Life should not be such a struggle! The Sims Government should help their people more, like insist on better starting salaries.”
I know that’s not possible, and in a way, why should they? Life is so short, and progress can be made swiftly. It’s just that I feel my struggle, and I now realise that I am spoiled. On the other hand, is it wrong to want a smooth life, and have plenty of things to enjoy? Will it make me a better person when struggling each day just to exist? Of course, I don’t share any of these worries with Constance, I’m sure that she has the neurotic trait as well, and nothing must spoil this date! We get on so well, she really is lovely, and for the first time since arriving in Riverview I feel a bit happier. Maybe life isn’t just bleak when starting the Challenge…
Of course, all good things come to an end, even this wonderful date! I make firm plans to meet her at the weekend though, and as she accepted my request to go steady, I know we’ll have a wonderful time. Not once did she grumble or complain that I was boring.. I was dreading that, for when you have a long date, this often happens. Then the girl will march off, telling you plainly that you have issues and she won’t hang around dealing with it. That must be such an awful experience… Fancy ending a date on that note… Although many of my friends told me that the overall experience was still positive, and the girl still thanked them for a wonderful time. Really? I have a sneaky suspicion that they managed to somehow convince themselves of this…
The next few days go in a exhausting blur. Life is just so hard, and the days are so long and lonely! I shower at the gym, usually end up eating at work which doesn’t improve my mood for most of my shift. Food at work is actually pretty good, and as long as I don’t feel too awful by the time it’s time to go to work I actually aim to eat there. It saves another five simoleans for lettuce. My existence is dragging me down, to be honest. The fact that a nap on a park bench leaves me better rested than the bed I bought with my hard earned money is just nagging away at me. I know I should just move on, accept it as a life lesson, but I can’t seem to make myself. I never knew I could get so stuck on little things, and it grieves me, funnily enough. I always thought of myself as adventurous and good tempered, whereas I’m turning into a grumpy old man before I’m even an adult! Surely as a young adult I should be positive and hopeful and bounce back from little niggles in life? Come on weekend, roll on!