faith – Vicarious Living

Alphabet

When Magnus walks through the door, he meets a very excited Esther. “Come and have a look, another garden patch has finished,” she squeals, her face beaming with pleasure. Magnus laughs, but he does follow her into the back garden. He must admit, he tries to avoid the back garden, as it’s such a mess! Each patch takes many days of extremely hard work in order to raise the funds to clear the patch. Once the gardeners set to work, it will still take several days before they have actually cleared the land. It took the four of them quite a while to earn enough money to finally be able to contact the gardeners. To be honest, he had forgotten all about the patch clearing, it took so long!

He looks at the empty patch, and looks at the Granny Annexe. Plans were that they would clear enough land to move the Annexe. It is so close to the main house, that it makes the courtyard look minute. Also, another bedroom would be helpful, what with Samuel and Miriam’s brood all growing up! Would this one cleared patch do it though… Magnus looks at the patch, walks round the Annexe, measures with his eyes, and still wonders! Samuel arrives to have a look too, and being Samuel he is convinced it will fit perfectly. “Yes, I’m sure it will fit, easily! We could just move the whole thing up, easy as that. Just put those gates into storage for now, and just shove the whole lot along a bit.”

The gates are put into storage, so is the wedding arch. The shoving starts, but as soon as they lay hands on he building both men realise they will have a problem. It’s not going to be that easy after all! They check a bit more carefully this time, and then find a solution. It will need some turning and refitting, but it works. Magnus suggests resizing the bathroom as well, as it will give the house a much bigger courtyard. The Granny Annexe’s main room is made a little larger, and soon the whole thing is done! Magnus is pleased, he really likes this kind of work! He is glad they managed to fit it all, and most of the items are removed from store and fitted back into the Annexe. The house looks different, he smiles to himself, definitely more space around!

“All we need is a bit more Simoleans, and we’ll have that extra bedroom done too,” laughs Samuel, making it sound as if the room can be ordered in the morning, rather than in a few days time… “I love the new outlook, much lighter! It’s a nice place actually, I might even accept my last Trait!” and roaring at his joke he stalks off, finding some new scheme no doubt. Magnus is left standing by himself, a sad and thoughtful look on his face. He hadn’t realised that he’d been staring after Samuel, until a slender hand appears on his arm, squeezing him close. Esther has appeared at his side. She had noticed that the Granny Annexe was in place, so she came to have a look, and to check the furnishings. Good thing too, one of the wall hangings had moved, so together they put it back in the right place. Esther is watching Magnus’ face, a little worry line on her forehead. He was just standing there, staring, and she had heard Samuel’s loud laugh. She wondered if Samuel had said something inappropriate, as tact wasn’t his strength… He could do with the Tactful Trait, or something like that, she had mumbled to herself whilst going over to Magnus to find out what happened.

She asks him whilst fluffing up the cushions on the red sofa, and Magnus smiles at her. “Don’t worry, I’m alright. It’s just something that Samuel said that made me think about lots of stuff.” He grins then, his handsome face alight suddenly, like the sun peeking round a cloud. “Samuel mentioned how nice the Annexe was, and that he might even accept the last trait, meaning retirement might come soon. It made me think about our last traits. We haven’t accepted them either, and I just felt sad. I really don’t want to get retirement notices just yet…” Magnus looks sad again, staring off into the distance. He sighs after a while, “I’m trying to be content; I’m really trying to put all life’s struggles and hurts into the right perspective, and in a way I’m alright with everything. I know I have you, and I have God living in me, but my heart still longs for a child, a son. It is hard to see Samuel and Miriam with so many children, and another one in the bassinet right now. That means that we can’t use the bassinet right now, and we will need to wait till their baby is walking round. Say we get our chance then, that means that it will still be a while before our child would be an adult, and we could move out. I really don’t want that last trait, not before we have a child…”

He looks sad, tired, and Esther feels for him. Magnus has been so desperate for a child, and although he has been more at peace about it since turning to the Sun of Righteousness, there are still moments of sadness, of course! She admits that she feels the same sadness; she too would love to have a baby in the Mortina bassinet; an heir, to carry on the Mortina Dynasty, as well as a child that welds them together, a part of both of them. Magnus looks at her and adds softly, “It’s not that I’m bitter about it, or angry. I just have this longing in my heart. These days I just pray about them, and lay them before the Lord. I loved that account you read to me the other day, about that king who had received letters, mocking him and God. I was struck by how he laid them out before the Lord and prayed over these letters that way. It just resonated with me, it was such a beautiful image, this king, bowing before God, with these hateful letters spread out before him. Some days I struggle to remain at peace though; some days I even wonder if there really is nothing I can do or say that will make God change His plan; Some days just seem so dark and sad…”

Esther hugs him, tears in her eyes. Yes, that reading had been wonderful, and encouraging too. “I know my love, I know, it is so hard to wait! Trusting God is hard sometimes, it’s hard in the valleys anyway, and I keep reminding me that He hasn’t promised us an easy journey, only a safe arrival… I cling to that. No, I don’t want the last trait either, for I’m still sure that God will give us a child. I’m trusting and waiting as best as I can, and I must admit that I try to enjoy your company as much as I can as well! These days are a gift too, and I love the time it affords us to be together!”

Magnus actually blushes a little, and his large grin turns into his hearty laugh. Esther actually feels the tears leaving her eyes, splashing onto her cheeks; that laugh! It was the very first thing she heard at that party, so long ago now! She laughs through her tears, and with a shaky voice says, “Do you remember that party at your house? Our meeting up party? Remember how I went into the house, sent in by Bjorn, to find you. I had no idea where to even start, and then I heard this wonderful laugh…and my heart just knew it was you!” They both laugh, and Magnus hugs, lifts and swings Esther, knowing it will make her shriek and beg him to set her down! He is not disappointed…

That evening, as they watch Miriam walk past the lounge with a little baby in her arm, something finally clicks in Magnus’ head. He spins round to face Esther and whispers excitedly, “I know what they are up to! I knew they had a plan! I knew it! Listen, look at their baby names, ok, first boy is…?”

Esther stares at him, like he’s lost his mind. Nevertheless, when he keeps looking at her expectantly, obviously onto some great idea, she says “It’s Albert.”

“Exactly! Next boy is Brandon, then they had little Camilla. After Camilla came Daniel. Can’t you see the pattern? A, B, C and D! They are working their way through the alphabet!” He sinks down on the sofa next to Esther, and suddenly he can’t stop laughing, he is literally rolling around on the sofa, holding his sides, laughing and groaning about a stitch in his side. When he finally is able to speak again, he says, very softly, looking over his shoulder like a conspirator, “Do you think they’re really planning to work their way through the entire alphabet?” And Magnus is off again, laughing, rolling, wriggling like an out of control snake, until he actually rolls of the sofa! That puts a stop to that, and Esther wipes her own laughter tears from her face. They both sink back into the sofa cushions, still gasping for breath, and giggles still making their way up from their stomachs. They look at each other, incredulously. “Surely they’re not aiming for twenty six children?”

Esther shakes her head, “No, I don’t think so, at least not anymore. I don’t know what their plan was originally, I wouldn’t put it past them, to be honest! Remember, the little boy after Daniel is called Tyson. I’m not sure what made them change. I know Miriam was really upset after Tyson was born. She blamed it on her makeup, said she was obviously allergic to the eyeshadow, it stung her eyes. I’m absolutely convinced she had been crying; I could tell she was struggling, laughing extra loud, talking to me in a voiced even more hyped up than usual. I’m sure something went wrong, for Samuel has actually been a lot more serious since then as well. Then this morning, “ Esther continues, although she has to swallow, as this morning’s memory is still fresh, the hurt and dejected feeling still raw. Magnus and Esther had also finished their jobs as quickly as they could, and still Miriam and Samuel had beaten them to the bassinet; it was still Samuel and Miriam’s child in the bassinet, not hers. “Well, this morning they had a little girl again, and they named her…” she gasps, looks at Magnus with large, round eyes! “Gracious, they named her Ursula!”

The giggles start again, but Magnus says, “At least….at least, ow my side hurts, at least they’re near the end of the alphabet! We might get our chance soon then, once they have a Zedekiah, or Zacharias or something!” Helplessly they cling to each other, laughing uncontrollably, knowing that their behaviour isn’t particularly mature, but somehow unable to stop it! Trust Miriam and Samuel to come up with a scheme like that! “Why on earth would they do that?” gasps Magnus in the end.

Esther sits up, wiping her eyes, “It’s the ‘Grave Injustice’ that Samuel is putting straight, I’m sure of it! He said he wanted to do something special, some grand scheme to make a difference. He talked about buying that huge building behind the Club, and round up all the ancient NPCs in town, and make them move in there, so new people can have their jobs… I’m pretty sure they have decided to send out as many young Mortinas as they can, to repopulate the town with young people, providing spouses to all sorts of desperate Sims!”

The more they talk about it, the more they are sure that Miriam and Samuel are doing exactly that! So why the sudden jump to T for Tyson? Magnus wonders if the SiMobile Government has named the baby. It doesn’t happen very often, but occasionally it does. A baby is given a name, the parents somehow don’t get to choose, and the name can’t be changed once it’ given! “Well, if they have Ursula, that means they are getting near the end of the list! Maybe we should ask them outright, you know, explain that as they still have five more letters to go, maybe we could have the bassinet first? They have six children already, they could easily take a break. I’m sure the best thing to do is to be straight with them. I don’t think they take hints very well…”

Magnus doesn’t sleep well that night, every time he wakes up a little he starts laughing again, stuffing the duvet cover into his mouth to stop his giggles from waking up Esther! They both manage to keep their faces straight though when talking to Miriam and Samuel. To their surprise, they both admit to the alphabet scheme! Magnus snorts, giggles no longer under control, and he quickly pretends to blow his nose, hoping they won’t suspect… Miriam and Samuel take it very well actually, and they apologise for claiming the bassinet all the time! They reach an agreement, as Miriam and Samuel are thinking seriously about accepting their last trait. They love the Annexe, and both have reached the end in their hobbies. Finding their jobs a lot less fun, and a lot more restrictive, they admit that retirement looks like the fun option! Magnus and Esther hardly dare to look at each other, hope mixing in with the giggles, wriggling, bubbling, looking for a chance to come out in new waves of helpless laughter.

The giggles win when Magnus and Esther are finally together in their room. They laugh and cry at the same time, feeling elated, on top of the world! Soon, quite soon, sooner than they dared to dream, they might be holding their baby!

Miriam felt so bad about their lack of sensitivity that she offers to throw them a party! Esther tries to look grateful and excited, but as it’s Miriam throwing the party, she just doesn’t know what sort of party they are talking about…. “A studio one, as it’s got some lovely art work, and we’ll make it a Cocktail Party, you know, nice posh frocks and all that! You’ll like that, and all your friends and family can come over in their finery; I might even dress proper like myself!” she had laughed her wild laugh, but she kept her word, and invites were sent out for a Cocktail Party. Magnus just hoped and prayed his family would make it this time! He hasn’t seen Bjorn for a while, or his sisters! They used to pop in very regularly when he first got married, but they haven’t done so lately. He really misses them, and he hardly dares to hope that this time they’ll make it in…

The day of the party arrives, and they all finish work early to put their glad rags on. Miriam finds a lovely shaped dress, bright red, complementing her black hair an bright blue eyes. She is obviously very excited, and leans over to Esther to say in a loud whisper that can be heard in at least two rooms, “Lucille said she might be able to come. You know, she’s just told me she is going to retire after the next Gems? Well, that really settled it for me, so I talked to Samuel about it. Lucille is my best friend, we do so much together! I can’t imagine life in SiMobile without her to laugh and hang out with! Who would I go to with stuff, you know, or have a good laugh? It’s just going to be so dull; no, I’m going to accept my trait after the party. Samuel said he didn’t mind, as he feels he’s done his bit for the Dynasty and that Justice thing; you know, the Challenge that he had taken on for that ancestor guy. So there we are, might be our last party, so I better make it a good one!” She laughs, and walks off in her bright coloured shoes, red dress visible even when you switch the light off, thinks Esther, rolling her eyes. What a bit of news though, I can’t imagine them working their way to Z, so who knows how soon Magnus and I can use the bassinet… She never knows whether it was the news or the cocktails that made the party a success!

A success it is though, as Magnus’ cousin Bjorn arrives, smiling, clapping him on the back as usual. They chat a lot, Magnus louder than usual, his loud laugh setting off other guests as well. He is thrilled when his sisters arrive, hugging them, and chatting with them, telling his llama in a bar jokes… They’re pleased to see him too, and in a rare quiet moment Magnus manages to confide in his sisters, telling them that the bassinet will soon by filled with a tiny Viking! Runa and Freya are so pleased for him, as they didn’t want to ask. They’re glad he told them though! Miriam can be heard welcoming Lucille, and those two are soon heard everywhere, stirring up fun wherever they go! They certainly don’t need the cocktails to enjoy the party, thinks Esther, looking around her home, looking at the beautiful dresses, but mainly looking at her friends. Friends who made a lot of effort to come, to be there for them, to brighten up the party with their presence, making her feel overwhelmingly grateful, her face sore from smiling and chatting. She goes from friend to friend, but never seems to manage to meet everyone present! Even when the party gets shut down, as they invariably do, the beautiful memories are there. Magnus hugs her tighter than ever that night, and whispers, “I know the sun is still there, even when you can’t see the sun. How much better to actually feel the sun, and experience the warmth and revel in its healing rays… It’s also true for the Sun you told me about, and He is shining His face on us right now, and nothing in life compares to His smiling countenance! I can feel His healing touch in my heart, bringing joy and peace and happiness…”

Stonehenge

The English countryside looks beautiful this June day. The fields are lush and green, dotted with poppies, their bright red heads nodding in the breeze. Magnus is feeling relieved; he never thought Esther would agree to come with him to Stonehenge, but here they were, travelling to the huge monument! It took some doing, but they managed to find a tiny B&B outside Amesbury, near Stonehenge. The place was going to be packed in the next few days! Magnus is glad though, however much he hates crowds, he is prepared to put up with anything and anyone on this mission! He must get back into favour with the gods, whatever the cost! Being at Stonehenge on the morning of the Summer Solstice chanting, calling out, feeling the first rays of the sun on his face might do just that!

He hasn’t told Esther, of course. He can just guess what she would think of that. She has already made it clear that she is not coming to Stonehenge in the middle of the night to watch the sun rise, but she will come a few days before that, just to see Stonehenge itself. Esther loves history, and can’t wait to see this incredible place, but she has also explained that she does not like the whole pagan idea behind it. “I’m so excited about seeing it for myself, it’s such an amazing part of historical value! I just don’t understand how they managed to build it, especially the huge stones on top! I don’t like the sun worshipping thing though, and I know not everyone there will be into that, it’s just too crowded for me.”

They decided to go a week before the Solstice stay, in a B&B for a week, and visit the stone circle on their first day. That way they get to see the place when it is a lot quieter, and in daylight. The next few days they decide to relax, visit Amesbury and Salisbury, and other interesting places. Salisbury has a beautiful cathedral, and some quaint little streets and shops. Magnus had pulled a bit of a face when he heard about shops, but Esther had reassured him. “No worries! I’m saving up all my gems,” she had smiled, “I really want to get an amazing dress, or pass on the gems to another generation for an amazing dress…” Her face had lost its smile then, as she remembered that the baby in the bassinet was not theirs; it was Miriam and Samuel’s fourth baby! Magnus had looked away quickly, worried that Esther would see the blazing anger in his eyes. Why, when I used to be so spoiled by the gods, why? Were they just taunting me then, wanting to hurt me by lifting me high, so I might fall down as low as possible?

Near the end of the morning they spot Stonehenge in the distance. The huge stone circle is set on a hill, the green rolling slopes around it bare, accentuating the circle. A mysterious feeling hangs in the air, Magnus feels, and his heart beats stronger. Surely, this will be the place to connect with the gods, and to petition them, to ask them for a son! He slides his hand in his pocket and feels the cool shape there; caressing it with his strong fingers, their finger tips hardened from strumming away on the guitar. He feels guilty, glances at Esther from the corner of his eye. In his pocket is a Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer, bought with saved up Simoleans. He has been practising very hard, earning a few extra coins when possible. Rather than adding those coins to the family budget, he kept them. I needed those coins, he thinks defensively, I needed them to make a sacrifice, to buy a token of my devotion and to gain the gods’ favour. He had managed to find a beautiful Hammer, made of solid silver, larger than the one he had hidden in the bassinet, beautifully made and heavy, its weight comforting him, calming him; the coolness of the silver shape warming his heart.

After a hearty breakfast of sausages, eggs, bacon and baked beans, Magnus feels he won’t be able to eat the rest of the day! He never gets the idea of having baked beans for breakfast, but somehow it tastes alright, especially with the bacon. They get the bus over to the visitors centre, from where another bus takes them very close to the stone circle. Esther is busy looking through the guide book, reading as fast as she can, intrigued by the history and theories around the stones. In the book it explains where the stones came from, how they got there, how they were set up, as well as lots of other details. She reads snippets of the book out to Magnus, but he only half listens to her words. His mind is rushing ahead, buzzing with anticipation. He is here, at the stone circle, where there has to be a special connection to the gods. Soon, in just a few days, he will meet here in worship, at the right moment; watching the sun come up, hitting the Heel Stone, witnessing the unique event…showing his dedication, his commitment and faith in the gods, in Thor, Frey and Freya, Odin himself… surely it will count for something! He is certain that the experience will bring peace back into his life; he is convinced that this coldness and distance will be healed, restored.

The bus stops, Esther and Magnus get off, and start up the path towards the huge stones. Although the circle is roped off, to preserve the stones, you can still see them very clearly; their age shows in the moss covering the stones. Some have fallen over, some are huge, others seem smaller, but the entire things is…breathtaking! Esther stares, and sighs, a long drawn out sighs, looking round, her eyes shining. “It’s incredible, Magnus, simply incredible! I know it explains in the book how they probably did it, but the proportions…the skill! Mindblowing, it really is mindblowing. So amazing to see their craftsmanship all these years later…” She keeps looking, taking pictures every few steps, drinking in the sight of the huge stones. Magnus does too, but with a hunger and neediness that actually surprises him a little. He can feel desperation driving him to look, to study the stones; trying to find a sign, a token of the gods’ favour towards him. He finds none, but reassures himself that it will come; next week, when he will be there to catch the first rays of the rising sun, his heart will find strength and health, and all will be well again; fortune will be restored to him and Esther; an heir will be born, he just knows it!

Magnus and Esther return to the B&B, and the next few days feel themselves relaxing, talking together, laughing at each other’s stories and just enjoying each other. “It’s like our courtship again,” Magnus grins at his wife, “I had an amazing time with you then, and this time it’s even better, for you’re my wife, and I love you more everyday!” Esther laughs, she loves Magnus, loves his handsome face and his big smile, which she had missed a little. She has been worried about Magnus. He has been quieter recently; sometimes looking a bit lost and sad, worried about something. She knows he is desperate to have a son, knows that he resents whatever Samuel and Miriam are plotting which involves the constant use of the bassinet. It saddens her, for she too would love a child. Contrary to her normal fretting and fussing, her renewed understanding of God’s providence has meant that she has been calm and at peace. Her heart just knows that she can trust God with the outcome; that somehow He is working this delay to her good, and that He is in control of her life, and that includes the little bassinet. Yes, she longs to be a mother, longs to hold a little sweet baby in her arms, and yes she does envy Miriam at times. There is no bitterness though, no anger, no fear in all of this, just a calm walking through life; a serene trust that she would never have thought possible could be hers!

The days fly past, Magnus is getting more and more tense. So much depends on that very early morning, and he just doesn’t want to imagine what could happen. He just needs to trust fate; trust that the gods will smile on him and Esther, and grant him a child. Esther smiles indulgently at her antsy husband, who is checking his bag, putting on more warm layers, checking his phone to see he still has time for a quick drink and a bite to eat. The chicken noodles taste like strings of cardboard though, and Magnus has no appetite whatsoever. He is restless, unable to sit still; constantly checking his pocket and feeling a tiny bit reassured by the little silver hammer in the palm of his hand. He struggles to keep his temper when Esther tries to joke with him, and mildly teases him about his sun dance…

Finally the time comes for Magnus to go. It’s pitch black outside, no stars, nothing to light the way, not even streetlights! Magnus gets into the waiting taxi, and soon finds himself near the stone circle again. The circle itself can’t really be seen, only the path through the long grass is illuminated, but there are a few pinpricks of light where people wave their torches. Magnus walks up to the circle, his heart beating wildly. This is it! This is what he has come for; this is the moment he has been hoping for, praying for, longing for with all his being. When he comes closer to the stones he slows down. He has to slow down, because of the huge crowd of people. There are just people standing everywhere. Magnus peers around him in the darkness, aided by the glowing torches. A tiny cold snake starts to curl itself round his madly beating heart. So many people, so many chattering voices, laughing, singing, clapping… There is no hushed reverence, as he had expected, and as he actually needed. He can’t hear incantations, or familiar chanting…only buzzing voices as if he was at a midnight feast, a midnight party.

Magnus manages to worm himself through the crowd, apologising for stepped on toes here, grunting his excuses for nudged ribs there, and finally he is closer to the stones. In the darkness he can just about make out there faint outlines, and he knows that he is as close as he is going to get. He can focus now, prepare himself, ready himself for…well, whatever it is that will happen! He clutches the little hammer in his pockets, takes deep breaths to calm his galloping heart… He stops, listens, and frowns when he hears the noise from the inner circle, the most holy part of the place. It sounds like a ‘rave’ someone said later, instead of the reverent dancing and incantations from druids and others. The cold snake round his heart has grown in size and strength it seems, and Magnus finds that he is starting to feel something akin to panic entering his heart. His hand tightens round the silver hammer even more, as he wrestles to overcome this sense of fear. “It will be fine, it will work; they will know that I came to do things properly. They will hear me, see me, restore me…”

Just before the sunrise is due the first rain drops hit Magnus’ cheeks. After ten minutes Magnus cannot tell the difference between rain or tears on his face; they have mingled together perfectly and completely. “Odin? Thor? Why? What have I done wrong? Didn’t I sacrifice, didn’t I go to great lengths, didn’t I seek all this wholeheartedly? Why…why…!” He looks at the sky, the colour of lead, rain pouring down steadily, softly… “Even the sky is crying,” he groans, “even the sky is grieved, but you didn’t hear me; you wouldn’t grant me my one wish, my one heart’s desire?” In the grey semi darkness of dawn Magnus stumbles through fields, long grasses a clear sign that the land is favoured by the gods… On and on he stumbles, the grass wet and cold against his legs, his shoes soaked in rain and mud, whispering and muttering, the main word being ‘why?’. He struggles on, downhill, further and further away from the laughing, singing crowd; further away from the shouting druids who even now are still calling out to the sun to arise. He doesn’t know where he is going, doesn’t care either. Through fields, more fields, across a large but deserted road; blinded by rain and tears Magnus staggers on.

Then he reaches the end of where he can go. He has reached the banks of a river. He can hear the gurgling noise of the river, floating by as usual, laughing at him, mocking him. Magnus yanks the hammer from his pocket, leaving his pocket in needs of repair, and with a roar as primal as Thor himself, he flings the hammer, the mjorvil into the river with all his might. “Keep it! Keep it!” He yells, and all his hopes, his dreams and expectations sink to the bottom of the flowing river like his silver mjorvil. Magnus buries his face into the wet grass, and cries; big, heaving sobs, anger and hopelessness fighting each other in his heart. When all his anger, fear and grief is spent and his tears have run their course, he drags himself to his feet. He looks around; now what? In the distance he can see the first houses, a road, cars, reality. Slowly he walks over to civilization, to normality, to Esther. The taxi driver is obviously used to weird and wonderful people around these parts of the world this time of year, for he asks no questions and makes no comment when a wet, muddy, exhausted Magnus tumbles into his cab.

Esther stares and her mouth opens, but she doesn’t even know where to start with her questions. “Oh Magnus, oh my darling sweetheart, what on earth has happened?” She rushes around, getting him clean clothes, towels, anything he might need, and switches the kettle on for some coffee. She looks at him, her strong, handsome husband, looking like a dying man, a drowning man. Poor Magnus, what has happened? She wonders if he got robbed, especially when she spots the ripped pocket. No, she thinks, Magnus would have been livid, and possibly muddy and bruised, but they wouldn’t have gotten away with it! No, something very serious has happened. Also, I don’t think there was any sunrise this morning, what with the rain that obviously has been coming down for a good few hours… Oh dear, poor chap!

Magnus won’t talk about it. After a hot bath, an even hotter cup of coffee and a huge cooked breakfast, he goes back to bed, to catch up some sleep. All he does when asked is grunt about the sun not rising, as it was raining. That afternoon they travel back home, Magnus still mute and looking as if he’s feeling sick. He stares at the fields flashing past the windows, not seeing anything but a bleak, black hole; not feeling anything apart from an icy cold snake twisted around his heart, squeezing…squeezing… until he fears that he really might be sick any moment…

Esther is worried about Magnus. They have been home several days now, and his face is still as grim as it was when he first shuffled into the room at their B&B that fateful morning. She is still in the dark about what happened at Stonehenge, apart from the fact that the sunrise didn’t happen because of the rain. One day, when tidying up the large bedroom, she decides to have another quick look at the strange little silver charm in the bassinet. To her consternation, it’s not there! It has gone, and even after she searches all round the bassinet, there is no silver shape. She sits down, thinking hard. This really has left her very curious. She knew Magnus had something on his mind when he went to the Summer Solstice thing at Stonehenge. Something went wrong there, and now the little silver shape has been taken from the bassinet. Are those two things connected?

That evening she decides to talk to Magnus; after all, his silence and woebegone face have lasted long enough… At first he won’t say much; he just grunts, shrugs his shoulder, and says, “Well, nothing happened, that is the whole point. It rained, end of story.” Esther can be very persistent though, and she just senses that something is wrong, very wrong in fact. In the end, Magnus spins round from the long window, and looks at her, his face contorted with grief, and the dam breaks, tears stream down his face, and he sinks down on the bed. “The sun wouldn’t rise, the gods wouldn’t even shine on us, on me! I needed the sun to rise, to show us favour, to restore us, to bring us fortune and health…to grant us a son..” He cries, Esther holding him tight, dismayed, stunned. Magnus, her Magnus, her larger than life Viking, heartbroken and sobbing like a lost man! She holds him, strokes him, kisses his wet cheeks, whispers her love to him. The storm passes as fast as it came, Magnus looking embarrassed; taking shuddering breaths in order to control himself once more, with Esther loving him more than ever. “The sun didn’t rise, and I feel it will never rise again for me, for us…I tried to pay the gods, give them all I could, did all I could; but they didn’t smile on me, on us.” He sighs, sounding so sad, so defeated.

He looks up at Esther, and hesitatingly says, “What about your God? Could we give Him something…you know, pay Him, do something so He will smile on us in favour?” Esther’s eyes fill with tears immediately, she hugs Magnus tight and takes a deep breath, looking for words to explain her God to her sweet husband, this brave Viking who realises that some things are beyond man’s power.

“Oh Magnus, my God can’t be bribed; he can’t be paid, as He owns all things, made all things, gives us all things. It’s like paying Him with stuff that belongs to Him already! He doesn’t need our possessions, He wants us; He wants our hearts, our minds and our strength. He wants us to live for Him, and Him only, for He wants our all; and then we will find our all in all in Him… He is called the Sun, the Sun of righteousness. You missed the sunrise at the Solstice, but He promises that unto those that fear His Name, The Sun of righteousness will arise with healing in his wings… You see, He can heal our hearts, heal and restore us. Oh Magnus, he is the Sun that will never go down, who will never leave us in the dark. We can trust Him and ask Him, any day of the year, at any time and at any place. No rituals are needed, no money is needed, only our hearts. All we need is to put our faith in Him, and in His gift to us. He gave His life, so that we might have eternal life. Don’t you see?”

Magnus does see, and he wants to trust, he really does. Fear makes him hold back though, and with a hoarse whisper he says, “Can you ask your God then? Ask Him to bring healing to us, to me? To bring peace, to shine His light on us?” They hold each other tight, tears flowing freely; healing tears this time, tears with no bitterness, no anger, tears of hope and peace. The snake in Magnus is uncoiling, loosening his heart, allowing him to breathe, to hope in a future. Magnus feels his heart warming up, light streaming in, chasing the snake, shrinking it, weakening it; and for the first time since that fateful morning, the Sun has come up, the Dayspring has arisen in his heart!

Magnus

What has gone wrong, and when did it happen? Magnus is standing in the kitchen, peering through the latticed window into the garden; absentmindedly noticing the weeds. That still needs doing as well, he sighs; just add it to the list of wrongs and troubles. He is worried, and even though he hates to admit it, in a small dark corner of his heart, he can feel a slither of fear, wriggling, growing…

Magnus tries to think back; back to before…well, before things went off track, and life ended up out of his control. He thinks of his large home, his Norse family, his beautiful mother, and something like homesickness stirs in him. “I miss you guys, I really do! Mum, I miss seeing your blue hair and your graceful way of moving. Björn, I miss your humour, your strength, your support…” Magnus stops, takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his own blue hair, and groans. “Oh great! Now I’m talking to myself, moaning, complaining, and wanting my past back. This is not good, this is so not good!”

Abruptly Magnus turns away from the large window, strides out of the kitchen, though the light lounge; he walks quickly through the foyer with the beautiful door and windows, worried a friend might come in for a chat, and slips into the hobby room, unnoticed. “This won’t do, this moping around won’t help. It’s just…I just need someone to talk to, somebody who can understand.” For a split second an image slides through his mind. The image of his sweet wife, Esther, sitting outside near the beach, smiling, looking relaxed, praying to her invisible God. He laughs, a different laugh than the rest of the family is so used to. It’s a harsh, scornful noise, one that they have never heard before. “What good would that do? Speaking to a God like Esther’s God? She insists He has everything under control, and everything is for the best. Well, I don’t see much control! How can a God who allowed Himself to be killed be of any use! I could just do with some of Odin’s acquired wisdom right now…”

Magnus picks up his guitar, and plucks away with abandon; the wild music matching the turmoil inside his heart. He loves Esther, absolutely adores her. He is even pleased that Esther worships God, as it does make her happy, and loving and to be honest, anything Esther does pleases him really. He smiles, his music mellows whilst thinking about Esther. He thinks about their meet up, the ribbing from Björn beforehand, when he had spent ages getting ready for the party. He still can hear his own words to his handsome cousin, “Well, some of us know how to make a woman happy, you know! I’m going to marry that girl, and I want to do things properly. She deserves that; any woman deserves that, so it’s worth making an effort, isn’t it? Just to please her, to look like I value her…”

Björn had laughed, and clapped him on the shoulder, so Magnus had to struggle to suppress the coughing and spluttering it caused, as Björn would laugh even more! He could tell Björn was pleased though, and even a little proud of his little cousin! His sisters had looked at him with adoration and pride, wishing him well, saying how lucky Esther was, and how he was obviously in the good books of the gods. They made little jokes about Frey, and wondered out loud what he had paid this god to favour him so much… He had laughed with them, pleased as well; feeling grand and strong. He was definitely feeling like the rugged Viking that Esther wished for.

Their courtship had been wonderful, his face aching from smiling at this beautiful girl. She seemed so frail, and he just loved the feel of her small hands; loved it that he could pick her up and swing her round, making her squeal and go helpless with giggles. He liked how she asked his advice, and he loved giving it to her, watching the worry lines on her forehead smooth out and her eyes shine at him with admiration. She made him feel a man, her protector, her keeper, her husband. His guitar is singing along with the many dreamy memories, but at the word ‘protector’ he misses a note. The memory jarred, like the dropped note, and he frowns, music deep, restless. He remembers her at the Club, just before their wedding. “Only God can protect me, ultimately. No human being can fulfill all my needs, only God can. He has everything in His control.” Her voice sweet and clear, her soft smile and shining eyes focused on him, and he felt the beginnings of resentment growing in his heart. Jealousy, envy and resentment against this God. A God that he couldn’t see, and obviously couldn’t compete with in his wife’s heart.

He forces himself to slow down, to catch his breath, to stop grinding his teeth, and especially to go easy on the guitar. “One of these days a string will break. I should have gone for the yoga hobby.” He pulls a face straight away, “Nah, not my style; those leggings…Björn would have a fit if he saw me twisting and bending in those!” The music slows down with his heart rate, the tune becoming slower and sweeter, wistful, as Magnus remembers standing over the little bassinet. In his strong hands he could feel the cold, silver hammer, Thor’s hammer. He felt the smooth leather string, and he can see himself, bending over the empty bassinet, murmuring, pleading with Thor, Frey and Freya. Pleading with anyone, really, to give him a son, a true Viking son. He had finished, feeling his pleadings were starting to become more like begging, and of course, a Viking never pleads or begs! He had been desperate, but that was something nobody needed to know, not even the gods!

Just as he had finished, and was tucking the little hammer into the bassinet, Esther had come into the room. Her eyes had caught the little silver charm straight away, and she had asked him about it. He had explained it was a Viking token; said it was just a thing they did at home. She had smiled then, her beautiful smile that melts his heart every time. “Don’t you just love family traditions?” she had gushed, hugging him, snuggling close, breathing in his manly scent. “Our family hasn’t really got that many traditions, but I love them. Maybe, once we have children…” she had faltered, blushed almost as red as her hair, and continued, “once we have children we ought to establish traditions as well, don’t you think?” Ha, she didn’t know what she was asking! Think, with her around? He had noticed how all sensible thought fled before her…!

The music twangs away, sounding more like an Irish jig, going on an on, faster and faster, his dreamy smile growing bigger and bigger. He laughs, yes, he is a man in love! He was as sure as his sisters that the gods had favoured him. He thinks of the beautiful wedding, even though it seemed endless…he got tired of the tux after a while, it was too restrictive. He couldn’t lift his arms properly, and kept tugging at the material, as if there would be more of it all of a sudden. Esther looked like a princess, his princess. He just couldn’t take his eyes off her, her auburn hair glowing like…like…burnished gold, whatever that meant! He felt it just suited her…but then, gold was more yellow, wasn’t it? Oh well, who cares, he grins, strumming away, it was glowing, her face one big smile, her green eyes sparkling and dancing with delight. Yes, the wedding…

Then things had changed, and he wondered why the gods seemed turned against him all of a sudden. Not that he had realised straight away, I mean, it could just e a coincidence of course. Take the wedding reception, for example. Miriam wanted a wild party, a cheerful one, a bit garish, with Bright and Beautiful as theme. Samuel had agreed with his wife straight away. Esther didn’t; he remembered her face, he remembered the internal struggle visible in her eyes, as she said that she preferred a classy wedding. Magnus hadn’t cared either way; he had been to lots of parties, and always enjoyed them whatever the theme. In the end, Esther was overruled, and Bright and Beautiful it was. The day of the wedding reception came, and they were all dressed up in bright clothes, even Esther. Her smile had been genuine, and as bright as her outfit.

Magnus had wondered about that, as he had seen the disappointment and hurt in her face once the decision was made. He had expected her to go for the ‘beautiful’ in Bright and Beautiful, and although she was still very beautiful, she was definitely bright! Her face looked sunkissed, her eyes shining as ever, smile matching his. He had asked her about it, in a quiet moment, just before the onslaught of guests. Her answer had astonished him, and left him speechless. “I saw you looking at me, noticing my disappointment. I remembered telling you that I believed God was in control. I then wondered myself, that if God is in control, why do disappointing things happen, bad things happen, terrible things even… So I sat near the beach, and thought, and prayed, and I remembered what God says about His control. I understood, and I know I can trust Him, even when I face disappointments or grief…”

He had been astonished, wondering if she realised what she was saying. I mean, she was very disappointed, but sitting in the grass, talking to…to the sky made her trust…this unseen God, and suddenly she was no longer disappointed, but happily changed into a bright outfit, and her life is all sunshine again? Really? He also felt a little hurt and left out. He was her husband after all, and she never really discussed her hurt feelings with him. She never asked his advice on this party; she didn’t ask him how to deal with Miriam’s wild ideas. No, instead, she goes and finds a quiet spot to talk to her God. Magnus feels the resentment against this God growing, jealousy easily recognised now.

The party was a flop. Lots of people turned up; they actually reached level ten in no time, but hardly any of their friends were there! Magnus plays the guitar wilder and wilder, his heart beating as wild a rhythm as the guitar. “Not even Björn…or the girls… or anyone from my family made it! Even Esther’s stroppy sister Eva didn’t get in! Well, where was Esther’s God that day then? Why didn’t He control the party? What good was there in keeping our friends away, and just letting a bunch of strangers turn up?” Magnus feels the hurt, the grief still in his heart. He misses his family, and he had been so much looking forward to this party, desperate to show off his wonderful wife. He had planned out in his head what he would say to Björn, as long as Esther wasn’t nearby of course. Certain things you can tell your cousin, but without any ladies in earshot…

He sighs, still sad; disappointed in the party, although they did have a good time. He suddenly grins, of course they had a good time! Nobody will have a dull moment with Miriam and Samuel Vince around…let alone a dull party! He knew Miriam was a bit wild, but he’d never seen her at a party…goodness, poor Samuel, he’s got his hands full, he grins. Not just with Miriam and her outlandish schemes, but with his growing family as well. Samuel and Miriam have three children already! Every time the bassinet is empty they rush over, and claim the bassinet…again. Both Magnus and Esther have tried to be there first, but Miriam and Samuel seem absolutely determined, giggling, and laughing their wild laugh. No children have been granted to Magnus and Esther yet, in spite of their burning desire to have a family; a family of tiny, cute Vikings.

The grin drops, and so does the guitar. He manages to put the guitar on the stand, and walks as fast as he can without drawing attention to himself to the blue bathroom, hoping it is empty. There, in the quiet bathroom, he moans, leaning his head against the cool tiles. He hits his fist over and over on the tiles, groaning and gnashing his teeth to modulate his grief; grief that is rushing over him, drowning him, suffocating him. “Why, God, why…if You are there, and if You do care and love us, why… How can You stand by, how can You allow this to happen to us? Why…why! Is it because of me? Is it because I put the Mjölnir in the bassinet?”

He stops, gasps, and goes completely still. Not a sound can be heard, just the soft drip drip drip from the tap… He thinks about the little silver charm…wonders about it, mulling it over. He leans his head against the cold tiles, can still smell the very faint smell of new grout, and it makes him smile just a little. Esther had confessed to putting in the new tiles, to make it feel more Scandinavian, she had said. He sighs, allowing the coolness to calm him down, making it easier to think. He has to think; he has to weigh up his thoughts. It’s how he works; it’s how he deals with issues, and this is a huge matter; one that needs extra careful deliberation.

Mjölnir, Thor’s hammer, was the little silver amulet he had hidden in the bassinet. Was Esther’s God angry with him about that, and was that why He was punishing them both? Could that be it? Did her God need more sacrifices, more payment to be appeased, so both Thor and his other Norse gods would be happy as well as Esther’s God? Was it nothing to do with her God after all, and had he offended the Norse gods instead? How can he please them, pay them, bribe them even if necessary! Then he realises that it’s June, near the end of June…Midsummer Solstice…maybe…just maybe, there might be a chance; who knows, if he can please the gods at say, Stonehenge at the Summer Solstice, maybe they will grant him a son… Just maybe! Now to convince Esther to accompany him to Stonehenge…!

Bright and Beautiful

Paul and Eva have been engaged for ages, it seems. Esther keeps a close eye on the calendar, as she just wants to get to her own wedding day! There have been a few changes in SiMobile, and this always causes problems. Paul’s family is new in town, so Paul and Eva will be the first to get married in their household. This means that they will have to do the main Marriage Quest, an event that last for ever it seems. As Paul’s family is new, there are no tricks to speed up the process either! Eva grumbles every evening about the length of time each step takes.

“We looked at outfits, we looked at menus. Now we have to look at both again! It’s just never ending… All we want to do is get married and have a life. Why does everything have to be so hard? His parents are getting on, so Paul’s dad is actually ready to retire whenever we get married. The Proposal event went really quickly, but now it’s just one thing after another! Their bathroom is terrible, as they are new, so even a shower doesn’t make you feel that much better!”

Yes, Eva is definitely Miss Stroppy these days, hoping to turn into Mrs Stroppy soon, Esther grins to herself. Well, good luck to Paul, although he seems quite a happy, calm sort of guy. He needs to be too, there is no way they can replace walls or windows, so hopefully he will be able to keep Eva in a good mood. Then they get the wonderful news, the wedding has started! Not long now, Esther sighs a great sigh of relief, not long, and about time too! I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait!

The day after Eva’s wedding her Permit arrives, and Eva spends the rest of the day snapping and packing, looking stressed in her rush to get out. “I didn’t realise we were that awful?” says Samuel, smiling, although his eyes are just a little darker green than usual. He must be annoyed, to let it get to him! “I have never seen anyone leave this home in such a rush! Paul must be amazing, or his house is like a palace, or…” He stops, for Eva has turned round, her face red, eyes glaring at everyone.

“No, it’s not this house, it’s not this family, it’s this town!” she hisses, surprising everyone with her anger! “We have been doing this wedding event for days and days, just to get married. On top of that, so many things have changed in SiMobile. We heard that it’s almost impossible to have a honeymoon baby now! First you have to do a baby event, and you have to attend all sorts of classes, buy stuff, do events. Then, in order to actually have the baby you need enough tickets to do so, just to prove that you can actually look after a baby! What has SiMobile come to, that they now want all prospective parents to prove themselves! I know there has been a lot of goings on in this town, and some families have more children than they should have. It’s just a silly rule, that will favour the rich and powerful, like…like…well, you know, friends we know of…!”

Eva stops then, going a brighter shade of red, realising that one of the families she was thinking of is her own father’s family, and as Samuel’s mother is her dad’s cousin, it means she grew up in the same house. The others just stare at her, too shocked for a moment to say something that isn’t going to come out all wrong. Samuel laughs, not one of his hilarious laughs though, a funny dry, short laugh. “Ha, you mean like our friends to whose parties we have been? I mean, the parties that you have been to? Like the party recently, where Esther met Magnus? Those sort of friends, with those sort of houses, you mean?”

Eva actually looks down, looking ashamed now. “I am sorry, I really am. It’s just, well…I just…” Eva stops, and swipes her eyes! Eva, the hard as nails Eva is actually crying! It is Samuel’s turn now to blush, and he hands Eva a tissue. “You see, Paul and I were so desperate to get married. We knew we had to do the official quest, and that it would take time. It just hadn’t registered how much time! I felt so bad, for I know Esther has been so looking forward to getting married, and I know you have spent lots of time with Miriam… When we finally got married, we were just looking at the…next ehm…step, and then,” tears start rolling again, and Eva mops away with the rather soggy tissue. “Well, we soon realised that in order to have children, there is a whole boatload of new events, new regulations and boxes to tick! The tickets are the worst, they are hard to get…”

Poor Eva! Esther really feels sorry for her sister. She can understand the pressure although not once has Eva let on that she was trying to do things as fast as possible to help Esther. On the contrary, she kept repeating how important it is to do all steps properly, to not rush a wedding, to really enjoy each day as it comes… Esther sighs, typically Eva, little Miss Windup, she thinks. This business about the needed tickets is bad though, as a lot of young families will struggle! “Oh Eva, how difficult it must be! Don’t worry, everything will work out for the best, you’ll see! Nothing happens by chance, God is in control.” A picture of a tiny silver hammer floats through her head and is gone, but the niggling worry stays behind.

Soon Eva’s bags are packed, and she says goodbye to them all. Moving to another family can be very hard, and soon the realise that the implications can be terrible. They can’t contact Eva, and she can’t contact them! How sad, only via family members can they keep in touch! Of course, many promises are made on that score! “Well, at least we don’t have to worry about extra quests, tickets and permissions!” says Samuel Vince, smiling around, but Esther did notice his quick look around to make sure Eva had definitely gone…

The house has space! It has gone very quiet, even though nothing much has changed, really! Mind you, Miriam makes up for any missing person, and is happy to fill any quiet moment. Samuel is clearly in love with her, and those two together are working on something, Esther is sure. Before Esther and Magnus have finished their events, Samuel Vince Mortina is strutting round the house in a blue tux, followed by a laughing and shrieking Miriam in a white dress. Their Wedding is Wild… Fortunately, Magnus and Esther have part of the event out of the house, at the Cub where Miriam works. It is very quiet at the club, making Esther giggle to Magnus, “No wonder it’s so quiet, Miriam is at the house!”

Esther thinks about the little hammer a lot; it still worries her. Magnus makes it sound as if it was just a family tradition, a family joke, but does he really see it that way? Esther smiles a little, “He really is a Viking, always talking about stuff he has done, things he can do, deeds to be done…almost as bad as Samuel with his Bringing Justice! He is a kind guy though!” Later that evening Esther is glad of Magnus and his Viking strength, for one of he guys at the Club is becoming a nuisance. Esther can feel herself getting flustered, and just wishes the man would go! Just when she thinks she will need to raise the alarm or something, there is a strong arm around her, and a deep voice challenges the annoying man.

“Leave the girl alone, you’ve done enough harm for one night, making a fool of yourself, annoying a lady. No go home, sleep it off, and behave yourself like a gentleman next time. You will be in serious trouble if I still see you in two minutes…” The man doesn’t need two minutes, and within a few seconds he has left the Club, heading towards the brand new bus stops Esther spotted on their way to the Club… Magnus turns her round, his face all smiles again, his voice still deep, but warm, rumbling, breathless… “You never worry about anything whilst with me, dearest Esther,” he commands, smiling, “I will take care of you, and I will make sure that nobody can harm you! Don’t worry about the guy, he won’t be back tonight. I love you, Esther, did I tell you already this last half hour?”

Esther laughs then, relieved that her Viking stepped up so nicely, and protected her. Relieved to see his caring face, and amused by his sweetness. “You only told me three times this half hour, you’re slipping!” She tells him, “Thank you, my dearest, for being my protector, I enjoyed that! I thank God for you every day; I thank him for your handsome face, and your strength, and your amazing warm heart…” She smiles at him, and is a little surprised and hurt to see his eyes darken a little, his broad smile slipping just a tad. “What is wrong? Have I said something to upset you?” she asks, quickly reviewing her words. What is it? She thinks, what did I say?

Magnus sighs, holds her a little tighter, and says, “I don’t quite get why you would thank God for me? I mean, our marriage was all arranged by our parents, we agreed, we met at the party, so why thank God? Also, I was the one that sent the guy packing. He ran off, because of me, not because God brought thunder down on him. I was here, at the Club, with you; you’re my fiancée, almost my wife. So of course I would come to your rescue, and I will always do so. It’s my duty and delight,” his smile is a bit broader, definitely his eyes look more mischievous, “definitely an delight, to protect you, to be with you, to keep you safe. You know, at home Bjorn and I used to do lots of wrestling. Well, you know how big he is, but I didn’t lose that often…!”

Esther giggles, men and their games… Then she turns serious again, because what he has said is serious, and she wonders how to explain, without offending him. She groans, “Lord, do I really need to explain all this? Can’t I just leave it, and explain another day, in another conversation, or can’t somebody else explain…?” She knows the answer though, and actually blushes a little for she feels a bit of a coward, backing out of an awkward conversation! “I know what you are saying, and I do understand. However, I believe God ordains things, brings things about, orders things right. So I truly believe that our meeting up, our arranged marriage, is a gift of God. You are a gift of God, and I love you even more because of that!”

She stops, wondering how Magnus will react. He is very quiet for a moment, thinking about her words, turning them round in his head, in his heart. Then he grins at her, “Well, I can definitely live with the idea of being God’s gift to you! That’s pretty cool, and does a lot for a man’s ego!” He hugs her, spinning her round and round, all serious talk forgotten, for the wedding is at the door, it will be a white dress for her, a tux for him…then they will be husband and wife!

The wedding is wonderful, even though it’s a formality in SiMobile but to Esther is the most wonderful of events, as it is an event done with Magnus. He looks incredibly handsome in his tux, and she feels like a princess in her white dress. The time speeds by, the event seems short because of its beauty and sweetness. Esther’s face aches from smiling, her eyes hurt from the camera flashes, her feet are sore for they danced too much, and the entire event wears her out. Magnus is over the moon, he loves his tux, but wears his red jacket for part of the event, explaining that the red looks great with her white dress!

Esther notices his eyes though, and it actually thrills her as well as making her nervous. Magnus watches her, a lot. Not just in the normal way, like he always does, with pride and joy shining in his big eyes, but more thoughtful at odd moments. Esther is secretly thrilled, for she can tell that he is actually thinking about the incident at the Club, and her explanation. She can tell that he watches her, to see how she lives out her words. This is what makes her nervous, for she knows how small things can really upset her. She tends to worry about small issues, knowing it’s wrong, but seemingly unable to stop herself from doing so.

The big test arrives soon after their glorious wedding. There is a small family celebration, as both Magnus and Miriam have been granted their Moving Permits, and both have walked in with huge suitcases. Now the four of them are sharing the big house, they decide to have a proper Wedding Reception. Miriam is very keen, “Ohhh, I love parties! My parents only had the one, just for Paul and Eva to meet, and for me to meet up with Samuel! It was a tiny party, hardly anywhere for guests to stand, the house is so minute!” Her head back, she roars with laughter, nudging Samuel with her elbow at the same time.

It takes a while before both have finished laughing, and then bit longer before they’re all ready to carry on the planning. Esther loves style, she loves long dresses, graceful garments, showing class. She prefers a wedding party where all the guests turn up in their best outfit, refined, pleasant, and for everyone to just have a wonderful time. Magnus doesn’t mind at all; he has been to all types of parties, his family do wild parties and classy parties, so as long as Esther is happy, well, he, Magnus is thrilled. That leaves Miriam and Samuel. It is Miriam who pipes up, making Esther gasp with her proposal, “Let’s have a really bright one, you know, a fun one! Everyone gets to wear whatever they want as long as it’s colourful, and just have a uproarious time!”

Samuel is laughing, and agrees straight away. Miriam and Samuel do a high five (really? Esther just about manages to stop the eye rolling) and cheer, and start discussing possibilities straight away. Esther hesitates, but decides to give it a shot, “Are you sure? I mean, don’t we normally wear a wedding gown type dress for the Wedding Reception? You see, it would make it feel more like a Reception, won’t it? Well, what I mean is, a lot of people wear really bright clothes anyway, they might want to wear something…chic…something stylish I mean…” She stops, blushing, struggling to sound upbeat, openminded, as if she is totally up for the weird and crazy, but just wanted to mention the…normal, proper option as well.

It doesn’t work; Miriam laughs her wild laugh again, and vetoes it straight off, “Nooooo, that’s so stiff and starchy, you don’t want that! Our friends love a bit of a laugh, don’t they? I mean, everyone knows that people in big houses get up to all sort of…hahahah…well, fun, for want of a better word! Let’s do it! I can’t wait, it’ll be hilarious!” Magnus watches Esther, she can feel his eyes, watching her, assessing her, remembering her bold words and great claims. So, if what she said is correct, then this is also in God’s control?

Esther struggles, she has to give in to the others and the party invites are sent out, calling the theme Bright and Beautiful. The last bit was a concession to Esther, as some people do like to dress up in style, even Miriam admitted that much. Esther has to think about this big question though, and she just finds a quiet spot, right behind the Granny Annexe. She sits down, feeling herself relax; the sun overhead warming her bones, the waves hitting the beach, calming her, restoring her. “Lord, I don’t understand. You said all things work to the good of those that love You. You promised that not a hair can fall off our head without Your knowledge. You said not a sparrow can hit the ground without Your consent. So how does that work with things like…like stuff I don’t want?”

Esther feels herself calming down, relaxing, peace rolling over her like the waves rolling over the nearby beach. The sound of the waves rolling, washing the beach, makes her think of her auntie’s favourite hymn, ‘When Peace Like a River…’ and she realises that it has a good part of the answer to her question. “Of course,” she whispers, “of course, it keeps repeating, ‘It is well with my soul’, so of course, part of the answer is that God doesn’t give us a perfect life on earth. The best is yet to come, and this world is a fallen world, so there will always be grief and evil. God is still in control though…”

Esther smiles, and rolls onto her front, feeling her face starting to have a familiar tightness, which means the sun is turning her skin a bright red. With the party coming up, that is not such a great thing to happen. “At least it will be bright,” she suddenly giggles, then her face lights up a bit more, “Yes! That’s it! Joseph! He actually explained to his brothers and told them that they meant the whole throwing-in-the-pit incident for evil, but God meant it for good! The incident brought Joseph to Egypt, got him into prison, ordered it so he got to meet the cupbearer and explain his dream, who remembered it rather late and that brought Joseph before Pharaoh to explain Pharaoh’s dreams, who made him governor of Egypt, which made Joseph save his family! Wow, what a long line of incidents, all terrible, sad, painful…but meant for good! All under God’s control…”

She smiles then, relieved that she has managed to work it out in her own heart; grateful for the quiet moment of reflection. Suddenly she finds herself looking forward to the Reception, wandering in her mind’s eye through her wardrobe, wondering if amongst her very sensible collection of clothes there will be something Bright! She finds herself rushing over to the house, caught up in the whole spirit of the party, looking forward to meeting the guests, showing off her amazing husband, dreaming of, no trusting in, a Bright and Beautiful future…

Growing closer

Even good parties have to end, some sooner than others. Esther is just so relieved that she managed to meet Magnus at his own home, however daunting it was! It is nice to meet at parties, she thinks, meeting somebody amongst friends and family, although I wished it had been somewhere private really. Esther is sitting in the lounge, photobook on the brand new coffee table made of beautiful light coloured wood, matching the wooden floor. She sits there, looking at recent pictures. She strokes the pictures of her and Magnus, grinning, remembering her nervousness, and Magnus’ kindness. It seems so long ago, for so many things have happened. She chuckles when she remembers the first date at the café.

“I thought we would never get away,” she whispers, smiling broadly, when she sees the next picture, “the party went on for ages, and I was so nervous! Björn was there, watching, and lots of other friends and relatives… we managed to leave together though, and how wonderful the date was!” The café had not been too busy, so they actually got a table, rather than just sing, talk to he plant and check mugs. Her smile fades a tiny bit, for it was in the cafe’s bright light, sitting opposite Magnus at a tiny table that she managed to get a good look. She loved his smiling face, his kind eyes, and his broad shoulders. It was his hair…she hadn’t quite realised how blue his hair was… he had even dyed his eyebrows and stubble!

Esther hadn’t said anything, of course not, but a tiny shiver had rocked her heart. She looks at the pictures in front of her; Magnus in his bright red jacket, and blue beard and eyebrows. She sighs a little, as it feels so petty! He is such a wonderful young man, so helpful and kind, and here she is, moaning about his hair colour. It is just that I imagined him as a Viking, she thinks, smiling a sad smile now. I have let my imagination run away with me again!

She turns the pages of the album, the pages of her heart as well, for she has to move on from these feelings, somehow! She looks at her phone, looks at the door. Magnus will be here any minute now. She feels her heart skipping a bit faster, her breath speeding up just by thinking about him. He really is a great guy, she thinks, her smile growing with anticipation. Miriam has already arrived, to spend time with cousin Samuel. She can hear them in the kitchen, stirring something to eat no doubt, as well as stirring up trouble… Miriam’s raucous laughter can be heard all through the house. Esther looks at the album, biting her lip. Is Miriam really the right person for Samuel Vince? Samuel likes a joke, he is quite noisy himself, laughs a lot, but Miriam takes it to a completely new level!

“I’m glad my Viking is a lot more refined,” she thinks smugly, “he just knows how to behave towards a girl!” Then she remembers her first meeting, and how she had heard him laugh from the next room. Esther giggles to herself, “Oops I think I’m biased! His laugh is not coarse though, it’s a good manly laugh!” She can hear the door being opened, and quickly puts the album away and gets up to smooth her clothes before briskly walking up to the main doors. Magnus’ smile grows very bright indeed when he sees his girl, his Esther. He hugs her, almost lifting her off the ground! He goes to say hello to Samuel Vince and Miriam, before having some tea with Esther.

She watches him, and notices how well he gets on with Samuel. They both laugh, and chat, standing straight, making themselves bigger and taking a wide stance, like sailors on a moving ship. She can’t hide the grin, until she sees Miriam watching the men as well. Miriam is laughing her wild laugh, and sidles up to Samuel Vince, tugging his arm to get him closer. She doesn’t take her eyes off Magnus though, and Esther all of a sudden feels something like panic starting up in her chest. “Hands off,” she whispers to herself, glaring at Miriam, who looks back with her bright blue eyes, laughs loudly, tosses her black hair over her shoulder, and drags Samuel out of the kitchen. “Come on, Samuel, let’s go. Where were we? Was the proposal next, or were we still on the last short event?”

Magnus sees Esther’s upset face, and laughs, taking her in her arms. “Ignore them,” his voice rumbles in her ear, “she’s just winding you up! Samuel will have to watch her, she’ll run rings round him! It’s much more important that we remember where we got to last time, don’t you think?” He turns her round, so she is facing the kitchen counter, and whispers’ “You promised me your favourite pudding. Don’t you realise that a man’s love goes via his stomach?”

Esther feels her heart becoming closer to Magnus every day. He is great to be with, listens well to her chatter, and is so patient! Samuel likes him as well, although when he tells Esther what he and the lads get up to, she wonders if they are really talking about the same Magnus… Esther loves how Magnus takes charge, making her feel cherished and cared for. He opens the door for her, guiding her through it with a strong but gentle hand. She smiles to herself, yes, she has fallen for him alright! “You are everything I need in another person,” she confides in him that afternoon, when she is trying to hide her clammy hands on the sofa. She really wants to explain to him how she feels for him, but doesn’t want to go all weepy on him! “You see, I get so worried about things; what people think of me, and if I have upset somebody, or if my work is good enough… I know it’s silly and I know that in Jesus I’m perfect, and the only thing that really matters is how God sees me. I forget, though, and I start worrying about little things, never feeling good enough…” she stops, as she knows that if she carries on, her tears would come.

Magnus smiles his extra kind smile, and gives her a squeeze. “Don’t worry so much; you are a wonderful person, and you have so much strength and courage, nobody will be able to get you down!” Esther looks at his strong face, and smiles back; she has too! Something inside her wobbles though, for she knows that nobody is perfect of themselves; there is nobody in the world that you can trust all the time for all things. Every person is fallible, had faults, issues, failures… She looks at her strong, brave Viking, and feels a little sadness spring up, like a tiny warning sign, reminding her that even her handsome Viking will not do for everything. “God, you’re my all, my everything, my Peace, my ultimate Protector, and I am grateful for this wonderful man, who is such a special gift!”

Magnus seems to have forgotten the incident with Miriam within minutes of them leaving the kitchen, helped by Esther’s pudding no doubt, but Esther is worried. That Miriam, honestly, you never now what the girl will do next. She isn’t one for hanging around either, and before Esther and Magnus have finished all the events necessary, Miriam and Samuel Vince Mortina are officially engaged! Esther is very upset; she manages to hide this from Samuel who comes to tell her the exciting news, his smile almost as wide as Miriam’s. At least he is kind about it, and says, much quieter, “You and Magnus will get there soon as well. Also, you know that Magnus’ Moving Permit will have top priority, because of his family? Miriam’s parents are new in town, and they’re not even married, they didn’t have the money. Eva has just received her Moving Permit, as she got engaged to Paul recently, so that will speed things up. We will have to wait for her to actually move out though. She and Paul are getting married, but as they are the first couple in the family to do so, it will be a long and very expensive process. Eva insisted on it though, said she wanted to be made an honest woman.” Samuel had suddenly laughed, one of his mischievous laughs, and adds, “I wonder if she really does, or whether she just wants to annoy people; make people wait, string Paul along to all sorts of endless appointments, you know, shopping for clothes, checking the menu, that sort of thing. I wouldn’t put it past your sister…!”

Neither would Esther, but all she can think of is her own marriage, and the wait for her and Magnus if Miriam gets her papers first. Especially as they’re engaged, they now will be able to get married, and she is quite sure that Miriam really doesn’t mind waiting for her permit, even if she has been married for a while already. Esther and Magnus agreed to marry at the very time that his papers will be in the post. That way they will be able to have their wedding night in the Mortina House. Esther looks round her room, and all of a sudden she feels the tears dripping on her hands! She just cracks after all the stress and worry, the excitement and anticipation. It just is too much all of a sudden. She lies down on her bed, and sobs and sobs. Half her tears are happy tears, the other half are sad, worried, scared and disappointed tears.

After a while she calms down, and she sits up, looking round the room. She wonders who will have the big room, the blue room with the bassinet. If Magnus gets his Permit first, and…and they fill the bassinet first…she puts her hands on her belly, trying to imagine the baby growing, with typical SiMobile speed, lying in the little family bassinet. She looks at the bassinet, a sweet, warm smile softens her face, making her look like a beautiful young woman, a woman loving, living. Then, her smile disappears just as suddenly, and she gives a little gasp. “Oh! Oh, I had forgotten…I wonder…No, he said, didn’t he? It…it just felt so wrong… Lord, I don’t know what to do, or say, or even think,” she breathes, “it was such a strange incident, and well, I love Magnus, he is such a good and kind man, so I’m sure what he did was alright? I just feel worried about it, and…and I have to admit Lord, that it just doesn’t seem to line up. With the verse about being unequally yoked, about light and darkness not having fellowship together…But then, this is Magnus, and he seems so full of light and life…I can’t see…Oh God, I just don’t know, but it feels wrong.”

She lies back on the bed, arms behind her head, thinking, staring at the ceiling. It had happened the other day, soon after the Proposal event. She had come into this room to get a special dress for a party they both wanted to go to. She had found Magnus, standing by the bassinet, holding something in his hand, whispering, mumbling something, and then he put the item, which looked like a little silver cross on a leather string in the bassinet. When he spotted Esther, his face had become one big smile, like it always did on seeing her. She had asked him what he had done, curious, as the little item seemed like a cross. He had laughed his loud, warm, rumbling laugh, and explained, “No my love, it’s a very old Viking thing that we do in our family. We have done so for endless generations, as long as I know. It’s a little Viking symbol, and you put it in the bassinet, you know, as a token for the little one; to show that he belongs, you see.” From this, she had guessed that it wasn’t a little silver cross then…she had wondered what it was, but didn’t want to ask; didn’t want to hurt his feelings, although he never seemed to think in those terms.

Esther sits up, suddenly overcome with nosiness, unable to constrain herself any longer, and after a very quick peek outside the door, to listen to where everyone was in the rambling Mortina home, she quickly goes up to the little bassinet, and her fingers curl round the little cool object on the leather strap. She brings it out, and stares in horror. No, it’s definitely not a cross. It’s a little hammer, a Mjolnir, Thor’s Hammer. A Viking symbol. A Norse symbol, here, in her home, put there by her fiancé, and even knowing what it is, she still is unsure what to do, if she should do something that is…Well, apart from slipping it back into its place, her mind whirling, hands clammy, her mouth dry. She turns away from the bassinet, and all she can think is, “I need to think. I’m sure it’s alright, but I need to think…”

Calm Waters

Tabitha is standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the Peacock table, trying to think why she had gone into the kitchen in the first place! She looks at the table, looks round, catches sight of two little pigtails, and remembers! The spare nappy bags! Quickly she digs through the drawers where she was sure she had some stashed away, and dashes out of the kitchen the moment she lays hands on them. Great! Now, where is Eva? “Eva, where are you, sweetie, come here quickly, because Mummy needs to check on Theo.”

Tabitha grins to herself, and can feel her smile growing the moment she lifts Eva high up in the air! She has a daughter! A sweet, cheeky toddler, cute little face, little pigtails, auburn hair of course. She still needs to remind herself that it is really true, she has a daughter, and now, in the bassinet there is a little baby. She actually laughs out loud, which sends Eva into a fit of giggles!

“Do you think that’s funny?” She croons, tickling her, “You have no idea how special you are, little one, you really have no idea! One day, when you’re old enough, we will tell you. We will tell you about the miracle that you are, and why we called you Eva. I suppose we will tell you also why your little brother is called Theodore, which means Gift from God. You are, yes, you are, you both are,” she continues, and probably would have continued a lot longer, but for the footsteps coming into the lounge.

Cousin Chris, she groans to herself, just what I need. I wonder how much he heard. I know I shouldn’t care, really, but I do. She looks up, mainly because of Eva, who is looking up with a very confused expression. She never knew that toddlers could look that confused, and it worries her a little. Chris is standing nearby, a scowl making his eyes almost disappear under his bushy eyebrows. “Great way to go, cousin,” he grates out at her, “nice and kind, ha ha. Great to rub it in, as if you’re the only ones favoured by your God. You know, some peace and quiet in the house could also be a gift from God, and that is exactly what I would be enjoying, if your kids didn’t make such a racket.”

With that, he is out of the lounge again, leaving Tabitha almost as confused as Eva. The little girl looks at her face, and Tabitha brings on the sunniest smile she can pull, and they both giggle, and spin round, and play, until Tabitha feels all the anger floating out of the huge latticed windows. She tidies herself up a bit, straightens the lounge, and as she turns to go to the room with the bassinet, she glimpses a shade of red going round the corner. Victoria.

Tabitha’s happiness has a little wobble, she feels so sad for Victoria! After all, the girl grew up in an amazing house, a mansion, richly decorated and furnished, with fun loving people. Now she is living in their cluttered house, as varied in colour as the ‘amazing technicolour dreamcoat’, apart from the amazing bit that is. She wonders if Victoria ever regrets marrying Chris? Not at first of course, as Chris was all smiles and hugs whilst courting her. He dressed immaculately for their wedding, and even for the wedding reception. The pictures show him smiling broadly at Victoria, hugging her, talking to her.

Tabitha tries to think when that changed. She knows that straight after their wedding Richard was diagnosed with Llama Flu. She shivers, like she always does when she thinks of that time. Her stomach still does a flip when she remembers the fear and anxiety of those days. Victoria had been so sweet then, helping her, supporting her and Richard. They had lived in the Granny Annexe for a while, until just before Eva was born. Victoria had suggested they moved back, and she and Chris would live in the Annexe.

Tabitha thinks through the moments they have had, and that is when Richard notices her. He is feeding Theodore when she walks into their room. “You alright?” he asks, looking a bit concerned, but still focussed on his son. His son! He can’t get over it, one moment he is going to live with Llama Flu, and all that entails, the next moment he is the immensely proud father of two children! “You look like you’re thinking,” he smiles at Tabitha, “trying to remember something you needed to do? Bath Eva? Clean Theo? Kiss me?”

Tabitha laughs, honestly, Richard can cheer her up any time! “I was just thinking about Victoria,” she says, “I was trying to remember when Chris stopped being outgoing, smiling, and returned to his usual sulky self. I spotted Victoria walking past the lounge, and I just wondered how she really is doing at the moment. You both grew up in such a lush environment, with so much luxury, it must be hard to leave all that behind.” She looks at Richard, and tries to smile at him. She doesn’t want to sound like she thinks he is ungrateful or materialistic, but she is a realist!

Richard looks at the tasteful blue room, the little boy in his arms, beautiful wife standing in front of him, and his smile reaches from one ear to the other ear, splitting his face in two. “Oh sweetheart, don’t you worry about that, not ever! I have all I need, all I want, you’re the best thing any man can have. I also have two adorable kids, what more would I want? I’m the richest man in Sims Mobile, who cares about stuff? You know, having the Flu helped to get life into perspective. It’s so sweet of you to think about that though, you’re my love!”

Tabitha is relieved, she knows he really means it. He really is the kindest man she could imagine, and to be married to him is, well, amazing doesn’t really do it justice! She looks round the room as well, happy with the blue bedspread… “I’m so glad we have a blue bedspread,” she says with great conviction. Richard straightens up from the bassinet, and stares at her.

“Excuse me?” he hesitates, looking totally confused, “did I miss part of the conversation? I thought we were talking about something different?”

Tabitha laughs, “It’s my wild train of thought,” she jokes, “it just took an unexpected turn. I was thinking about the Llama Flu, and the horror of those days, and how I used to wake up looking at the yellow bedspread. I vowed at one time that I would get rid of it, and never sleep under a stripy yellow bedspread again! Life is so different now, the Llama days seem a different lifetime, something that happened to another generation, and I just thought how grateful I was to have a blue bedspread.”

They laugh, her wild thought patterns a standing joke between them. Tabitha maintains that it helps her in her job, that it makes her a more creative photographer. Richard winds her up, and says that she just uses it as a smart excuse in order to get away with chaotic conversations! They look at each other, holding hands, smiling into each other’s eyes. “Can you remember that party Victoria threw for us? The one straight after Eva was born? Everyone seemed to turn up in yellow! In fact, one of the guests thought they had misread the party invite, and missed the fact that it was supposed to be a yellow party!”

“That was such a wonderful night, and I remember the feeling of your hands, your kisses, when we renewed our vows…It was so special, I was so moved…” Tabitha’s throat isn’t being very cooperative just now, she can only swallow, not speak. “I remember,” she manages to squeak out, “I remember us both promising to love and to hold, to cherish, in everything, in sickness and health… By then we really knew what those words meant, we weren’t just rattling our way through them in order to finish the Event. We meant them. Doesn’t that seem forever ago? But I can still see us both, standing under the arch, you in your canary shirt…” she can’t talk, she is laughing too much now, remembering Richard, by then the picture of health, wearing a ridiculous getup, love radiating off him in huge waves, encapsulating her, captivating her, enveloping her, until they were the only people on Sims Planet, let alone Sims Mobile.

Nothing else mattered, nothing else was needed, just the two of them. She remembers the tiny pitter patter of Eva’s staggering first few steps, and how it had reduced her to tears, overwhelmed with God’s goodness in all their riches.

Looking at the little bassinet, just able to spot a tiny fist waving about, she thinks back to those days, dreaming, floating on the memories. She looks up at her Mr Handsome, and says, in a much more serious voice, “You know, I can’t ever forget those hair raising days, the heartache and grief, but you know, I realise how easy it is to become placid. It is so easy to slide into everyday life, and to just take it all for granted!”

Richard agrees, “Yes, I sort of vowed that I would never take good health for granted again. Most days I do, though, and it’s scarily easy to do so! Life is so full and busy, and we lap it up, and we forget to actually stop and thank God for it. We just live it, love the gifts, enjoy the gifts and use them, and we actually in all our busy moment forget the Giver! It’s only when things go wrong that we look for something or someone to blame. We never blame anyone when things go the way we want them to go… It’s just so easy to do, I mean, life is so amazing, and the days just glide from one day into the next, it’s so surreal after the manic stress and devastating terror of those Llama days!”

Tabitha goes back to the kitchen, thinking about this. Victoria helps her to get dinner ready, and they chat a little in between grilling and stirring. “How are you doing?” asks Tabitha, “I meant to ask you the other day, we just seem to move past each other all the time!”

Victoria smiles, she always smiles thinks Tabitha, and shrugs, “Oh, I have been busy too, although not in the same way as you have of course! The Court is just quite busy at the moment, there have been quite a few parties in town, so that always brings extra work of course.” Tabitha grimaces and nods, parties can be like that. Looking at Victoria’s cute pixie like face, she realises that she could actually listen to Victoria’s voice for ages, it’s so sweet!

“I saw your friends quite a while ago, you know, the guy with the cowboy hat? They came in to register their daughter’s birth! It can’t have been that long before Eva was born, it was definitely around the time of…of…well, you know, that awful time, when everyone in town was so worried. Penny they called her, so sweet! She really is a cute little girl, and they are so happy! They were both at the Celebration Party as well, you know, after…after…” Victoria’s melodious voice actually harpers a bit, Tabitha notices in shock, “They said they had someone keeping an eye on Penny, and they took it in turn to pop back home to double check. I wonder if they have had another baby yet, or whether they will just have the one. Its such a responsibility, you know, so I can understand about families with just one child. Seems a tiny bit sad for the child though, if you know what I mean. Also, it’s then easy to put all your hopes and expectations on the one child, which could be awkward, like with…” she stops, blushes a bit, and turns to the microwave, “Oh, this one is done, I just love how you can nuke things quickly!”

Tabitha is a bit dazed after all that, and grins in herself, “I know I said I could listen to her sweet clear voice all day? Well, I think I just did…!”

Victoria breezes out of the kitchen once they’re finished, smiling, and chattering to Adrianna. Tabitha looks at the two of them disappearing off to some project no doubt, Mum loves projects, an Victoria always seems to have a surplus of energy… I wish I could borrow some, at least till Theo sleeps through the night… Interesting that she suddenly stopped though, when talking about small families. Maybe she isn’t as happy as she looks. After all, Chris is Mr Awkward at the best of times, with his longsuffering attitude…with the stress on suffering… Honestly, I’m sure he just looks for opportunities to become the victim of something or other! I wonder what they think about our children? I have seen Victoria watching, smiling as usual, and Chris seems to glare every time they make a noise. I just wonder…poor Victoria,, I hope she really is alright?

Shadows

Tabitha is hiding in the golden bathroom. Her eyes are sore, her nose is red, her face wet with tears. How can life go so badly wrong in such a short time? She sobs and sobs, trying to stifle them as much as possible, for fear that Richard will hear. Richard! That brings on a new flood of tears. “Oh, Richard,” she groans “my Richard! My wonderful, strong, handsome Knight in shining armour! What am I going to do? What can we do?”

Just a day or so ago Tabitha had been dancing on the mountaintop of life. Her heart was fit to burst, her cup was overflowing. She and Richard couldn’t have been happier, their future together stretching out as an endless golden dream. Now, in just the blink of an eye, their future looks a black gaping abyss.

Tabitha looks round her beautiful bathroom, all golden and shiny. What she wouldn’t give to have her dreams restored and polished till they shone again, too. Never, when going through all the worries about getting engaged and getting married, having to share her life and bed with a virtual stranger, never for once did she imagine this. Sure, arranged marriage is a huge gamble, it could lead to heartache and all sorts of issues. Sure, there is a lot of unfaithfulness, even in Sims Mobile, but Tabitha hadn’t banked on this. This horror, this…this unimaginable horror.

All was well during the wedding event, in spite of it lasting for ages. The sweet times together still play in her mind, in spite of their bittersweet aftertaste. The event did last, and last, and at one point Richard changed back into his green superhero suit. Tabitha stayed in her wonderful dress, it made her feel the queen of the house, even if it was just for a limited time! They discussed all sorts of things. They confessed all sorts of things. Tabitha confessed that she had toyed with the idea of just getting eloped; Richard didn’t like that idea!

The tears subside a bit whilst Tabitha is replaying the wedding, and the wonderful tender times they had. Until she remembers that conversation about having a family, planning how many children they were going to have. Tabitha slides down on the cool bathroom tiles, crying as if her heart will break. Children! They were going to have a house full of them, filling the little bassinet as quickly as it would empty! They had dreamed together about playing with their children, playing with the castle, watching them draw, encouraging them, praising them.

Tabitha cries and cries, until she is totally spent, and can not possibly cry anymore. She can’t get off the floor, she is too worn out. She doesn’t care about her wonderful career, she doesn’t care about the beautiful wedding dress she managed to buy. She doesn’t care about life anymore. What sort of life is it, anyway, which lies ahead? Bleak, empty, dark…never ending…

Once the wedding event was over, and they were officially pronounced husband and wife, life soon went back to normality. All four of them, as Chris and Victoria were married by now as well, went to work on the Luxury Events. They had totally neglected these as their courtships and weddings had taken top priority. Now that they were all four happily married, and both Victoria and Richard had been allowed to move in, it was time to resume normality.

That was when disaster struck, or rather, when the effects of the disaster became apparent. Tabitha stares ahead, not seeing the sparkling bath, or anything else for that matter. All she can see is the horror, the dread, the shock on her beloved’s face. Richard had gone to the restaurant to do the event there, she was at home, doing the Leisure event. First there had been a very garbled message from Jalisa Key. Jalisa is the manager at the restaurant, another one of the ancient workers that never seem to retire. According to Jalisa, Richard had collapsed, and was in fact beyond recognition.

Tabitha had absolutely no idea what Jalisa was talking about, the woman sounded completely out of breath as well as out of sense. She tried to get her off the phone as quickly as she could, just a little worried, wondering if the move and long wedding had been more tiring than they had realised. Tabitha wasn’t over concerned, as Richard was a very competent doctor, as well as young and strong, his muscles bulging under his wedding shirt!

Until she saw him, standing on the doorstep. Her world caved in, and everything went black. When Tabitha came round, she was on the bed in the Granny Annexe, a sad Lancelot and Adrianna by her side. She could tell that Adrianna had been crying, and she couldn’t remember her Dad ever looking so sad! “What happened?” she asked, then it all came flooding back in her mind. Her darling Richard, looking like a pink blob, standing on the doorstep, looking more distraught than she had thought possible. Her handsome, powerful husband, with his kind eyes and ready smile, reduced to a blob. It was beyond comprehension.

Richard knew what it was, of course. So did her Uncle Sebastian. They explained it to her, much later, when she was recovered of her initial shock. They all sat down in the Granny Annexe, looking sad, although for now Richard had recovered a little, looking just like his normal self. Tabitha looked at him, his strong arms, his eyes sparkling, just like he had looked for the last days or so whilst courting her, marrying her. Hope crept into her heart, she allowed it to sneak in quietly. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, with him looking the picture of health and manliness?

All her hopes were dashed though, and she felt her heart disintegrating with each sentence. The one word that started the destruction of her dreams was ‘Llama Flu’, and all hope fled from her heart. Llama Flu, the dreaded disease that Sims Mobile Hospital had been battling for centuries! The best doctors over the years had tried various vaccines, but nothing seemed to completely eradicate it. The vaccines prevented some of the cases, and in fact, she couldn’t remember having heard of a single case. Until now, that is.

She had heard of people displaying some of the symptoms: no growth in Traits, not retiring, not being able to move out… Nobody had ever told her about a single person having a full blown case of Llama Fly, though. Now it was here, in town, in her house, in her family. Her sweet, sweet husband was struck down with it! Tabitha closes her eyes, covering her face with her hands, and sobs.

Nothing in life has prepared her for this. There had been no warning, no way of knowing. No way of dealing with it either, it seems… She is utterly heartbroken, and looking at her wonderful husband, it is impossible to picture them together in the garden, wearing a white dress and a tux, whispering, laughing, kissing…

She cries out, wails, shrieks, clings onto him with all her might, their tears mixing whilst they kiss each other wildly, desperately, two young people crushed by the weight of calamity. Time stands still whilst they weep together, but eventually the cries subside, tears run dry, desperation turns into utter sadness. Richard looks at his sweet wife. He has come to really love and care for her, however independent she might be! He had been insanely happy during the wedding, eager to pack his bags and move in with his dearest Tabitha. Now all that seemed a dream, and the awakening had been abrupt and rude, shattering the dream, leaving just a faint memory of it.

“I’m sorry, my love, my sweetest Tabitha,” he whispers, his throat sore from crying, “I’m so, so sorry, more than I could ever express. I’m so sad on your account, having married a useless husband…My greatest wish was to provide for you, to take care of you the way you deserve…” He can’t speak anymore, his throat closed up, tears, new tears finding their way down his face.

Tabitha shushes him, putting a shaking hand on his lips. “Shhhh, my beloved, shhhh, Mr Handsome. I still love you, like I promised, ‘In sickness and in health’, and nothing will change that.” She swipes at some tears that managed to escape her eyes. “I love you, and to me you will always be my own special Mr Handsome. We will get through this, we are still together, you will still have good moments, as well as…as…” her voices quivers and almost breaks, but she won’t allow it to, “it won’t be easy, I know that but together we will make it, I promise!”

That was yesterday, and Tabitha still means it. The thing that almost hurts the most is the fact that not only does he regularly turn into a useless pink blob, he is also unable to give her any children. Not only are they unable to bear children naturally, Richard suffering from Llama Flu also excludes them from adopting children! The grief over that was almost Tabitha’s undoing. When her Uncle had explained the infertility issue, Tabitha had taken it quite calmly. In fact, she had thought by herself, “Oh well, there are other ways of growing a family. Surely it’s just a sad consequence, but not totally the end of our large family dreams.” Turns out that she was wrong. It was the end of her large family dreams, any family dreams in fact.

The most hurtful in the whole thing had been Chris’ remark the following day. It was that remark that made her flee to the safety of the bathroom, and open the floodgates of her heart. Chris had looked at her sad face, and remarked, “Seems like you needed those prayers after all! Seems like you can’t even get married without a little extra help. On the other hand, maybe if you hadn’t relied on your God, this might not have happened…!”

She had been so shocked, so utterly speechless, that all she could do was stagger to the bathroom, and lean against the wall, carefully avoiding all mirrors. Now she is here, in this bathroom, worn out, alone. She carelessly wonders what time it is, she does still have a job, after all! She sighs, nothing makes sense. Was Chris right after all?

Tabitha sits up straight, remembering the despair her Aunt Guinevere had been in, and how she had overcome all that. She was the one who had brought God into Tabitha’s life, and Tabitha would cling to Him now, in her despair.

She leans her head on her knees, wondering if she would ever feel a semblance of happiness again. Would she ever smile again, properly smile that is? Soon the wedding reception will be here, she will have to wear her special gown, smile, greet guests…Could she cope with their pitying looks, their whispers or well meaning advice? Part of her shakes and trembles, and shrieks ‘No’, but then, from deep in her heart, she hears the tiny whisper, ‘Yes, yes, you can do it, you’re not alone, not ever! Not on top of the mountain, not in the deepest valley. You will never be deserted, you will never be forsaken. You will be carried through the hardest parts of life. Never will you be alone!’

Tabitha sighs, it’s not going to be easy, but it is going to be possible. She needs her friends, their kindness and sympathy, and Richard? He needs her too, he needs her to be strong and brave and to love him through this deepest of valleys! She can do it, yes, she can do it!. Now…what about shoes…and jewellery? Should she wear makeup…or not…? No time to lose, the reception will be here before she is ready at this rate!

Peace

It’s Sunday morning, the Sunday after the Big Decision, as Guinevere thinks of it. She is still curled up in bed, but can’t go back to sleep. She turns, and tries the other side. She turns back, but nothing seems to work. She sighs, looking across at Sebastian who sounds like he is sawing up a forest…Her head is still in a spin, so many thoughts are crowding around in her head, shrieking for attention. The idea that in just a very, very short time she will be retired makes her stomach wobble. “I’ve just got till the next handing out of Gems,” she moans quietly, “then that’s it… Just a few more days, just long enough to complete some Family Events, some mentoring, and then my bags will be packed, and off to a tiny apartment I am!”

She is staring at the ceiling now, her hand running across the yellow bedspread, following its lines. She will need to leave this behind as well. She’ll need to leave her gold bathroom. She will need to leave the Granny Annexe which she has only just started to love. The weight in her stomach increases with each thought, with each possession that she will have to do without. Sofas, paintings, rugs…too many things to name.

“I can’t do it, I just can’t!” she cries, tears running into her pillow. “Surely there is a way round all this? Can’t we buy another home for the Family Line? Can’t another solution be found? Surely I don’t have to lose everything, give up everything I love, just to allow others to be promoted? This is too hard, how am I supposed to deal with this? I feel so silly as well, as it’s just possessions, but then, it’s my everything, my whole life, all I’ve ever kown!”

She remembers her mother’s sad face when it was time to go. She remembers Christie’s grey hair, straight as ever, her tanned face and the stunning blue eyes filled with tears whilst saying goodbye to the house. That time she had just felt impatience at the woman’s tears, thinking that it’s just a house, after all. She felt they had had their time, it was now the new generation’s turn, and she couldn’t wait to get on with life! She remembers her happiness and excitement, dreaming of her career, her hoby and all the different friendships she was going to form. She felt her mum should be grateful to move on, as she had had all her opportunities, reaching 100% on most of them. Now she is standing in her mum’s shoes as it were, and she thoroughly understands the tears now!

She feels ashamed at her impatience now, and wished she had shown more understanding then. It’s probably my punishment for being such a hard-hearted creature, she sniffs. No wonder most elders look so bowed down and unhappy! Look at the people standing outside on the pavement, peering through our windows, their faces a picture of misery. This is such an awful thing to happen to anyone! I love my job, but how am I going to be all upbeat tomorrow? That job will end soon, too, and will I only come back to chat to other elders, as unhappy and miserable and bowed down as they are? I just can’t bear it!

She tries to think of her father’s reaction to his retirement, and no sad face or tears come to mind. She remembers him doing some of the mentoring events, smiling and kind as ever. How come he didn’t fall apart, she wonders. After all, it was really him that carried the Mortina Line, so he actually was born and raised in this house. Dad left it without tears though, even the family he adored! I can’t imagine what made him like that, as it wasn’t as if he took stuff lightly, he really was so full of life and intense. He seemed so relaxed about retirement, as if moving Downtown to a pokey apartment wasn’t a big deal at all…

She sighs, and swipes at her eyes absentmindedly, not that it makes any difference to the flow of tears. She can’t get her Dad’s peaceful face out of her mind. She didn’t really spend that much time with him, being more drawn to the exuberant Christie. Surely there must be something her Dad has said about dealing with disasters like retirement and birthday cake icons?!

Lying in her bed, watching the sunlight coming in, bouncing of the room dividers, forming dancing patterns on the ceiling, Guinevere runs through conversations she has had with her Dad before retirement took him. She remembers him talking about his mum, Gabriella, and his aunt Alicia. That is it! She thinks excitedly, that was it! He said something about his mum and aunt being like chalk and cheese. His mum was Miss Awkward, even I remember her as the impossible Granny, that is, until she witnessed that incident…nuff said…and Great Auntie Alicia was sweet and kind, and everything a granny should be. I remember as a child wishing she was my proper granny, baking and playing and telling stories, singing…yes, I remember how she was always singing. Tears have dried with all those memories filing by. In fact, Guinevere is amazed to find herself smiling in the semi darkness.

What made Great Auntie Alicia so different? She tries to remember some of the songs, the stories…and pulls a face. Oh. Yes, she can tell now, even though as a child is wasn’t spelled out as much, probably. It was Alicia’s faith that filled her stories, her songs and even her hugs and cooking!

She thinks of her dad, who still went to church regularly, but she can see now that his faith wasn’t as integrated as Alicia’s was. He was a lot more private about his faith, but it obviously helped him personally. She sighs. Faith! Really? There is really no other way to cope well with this pending disaster called retirement?

She looks at the alarm clock, its red numbers making a red circle on her coffee pot, next to her pillow. 6.30. Wow, that’s still night! No work today…just some events…Should I…no, no, this isn’t me. On the other hand, can I really make it through this day, looking at my beautiful house, watching Sebastian pack, seeing Chris measure walls and windows, planning, scheming…waiting for us to go? Oh, I can’t do this! It’s too dreadful, and deep down I’m starting to feel resentment growing, anger bubbling away, tears forming… It’s going to be a very, very hard day…Maybe I should…

Well, actually, why not? Aunt Alicia lived for it, breathed it, smelled of it, Dad loved it and lived it…can it really harm? What if it does somehow help me, comfort me, give me a way to roll with the coming upheaval…?

Guinevere does what she has never done before. She slips on a long dress, even finds a hat, and off she goes! Yes, she’s off to church! Who’d have thought Guinevere would ever travel down that road? She decides to go to a very old scenic chapel outside of Sims Mobile. If you do something, do it properly, she grimaces to herself. At least I can enjoy the architecture; there’ll be stuff to look at if it’s too bad…

Guinevere arrives at the chapel, walks down the long church path, apprehension almost slowing her down to a halt. When she gets in it turns out bigger than she thought. She grabs a hymnbook and finds a seat in the old wooden pews. She looks round her, “How quaint!” she whispers to herself, “This place must be so old, look at these old wooden pews…Good thing they have cushions on here, it would be very hard otherwise!”

The service starts, and to Guinevere’s shock it’s all about peace! Being at peace, having peace, asking for peace. Just what she needed to know. How did the preacher know she needed it? She looks at him suspiciously for a moment, but soon finds herself listening to his words again. The more she listens, the more she understands, and the more she remembers some of the songs and stories from Great auntie Alicia. Many of these were about peace as well, she recalls, something she didn’t take notice of as a child.

She looks at the Bible in front of her, finally finding the verse the preacher is explaining, and it suddenly makes so much sense to her! She can feel his words landing deep down in her heart, chipping away at the huge boulder of fear and resentment lodged there. Peace, a small measure of peace is creeping into her heart. She breathes in deeply, wondering if it really can be possible for her, Guinevere, to experience some of this peace herself as well. She knows it’s a by-product, the preacher makes that very clear. She also realises that her fear and resentment have also been by-products, something that she will need to address at home, in quietness, alone…

Guinevere leaves the chapel with more peace than she has ever had before, and a firm idea of what she will do when she gets home. No, her circumstances haven’t changed, she will still be old and grey in a few days, still be bowed down, still need to pack her few personal belongings, but she has changed, her heart has changed, her life has changed! Guinevere is excited, and then stops in amazement. For the first time ever she actually…no, this is ridiculous…she actually started to look forward to her retirement! Not because of all the things she will lose, but of what she will gain! She will gain time. Time to read, to pray, to think, to feel the peace inside her growing. Guinevere actually laughs out loud, who knew a person could be turned inside out like this, and so suddenly too!

She is still smiling when she gets home, ignoring the raised eyebrows of the others, and the gigantic scowl on Chris’ face. She even hugs Sebastian, making him smile, “No wonder they warn people against religion,” he laughs with his rumbling, hearty laugh. “If this is the effect after just one service, well, who knows where it could lead!”

He is pleased though, for he had missed the sparkle in Guinevere’s eyes, and to see her coming back like this, well, it’s worth anything! Then he looks round the Annexe, his mind shaping lists and forming tick boxes in order of packing. Mmm, yes, he will miss the gold bathroom, he realises, but then, less people around in the bathroom sounds like a dream come true as well. When will the Gems be handed out again?