Irrational

Just a random thought about how random our fears and feelings can be.

My children love Thunderbirds, especially the new ones. They watched the whole lot with Richard, and especially C bases his stories on Thunderbirds. He has his own variety though, called Firebirds, who happen to have the same vehicles and names…with himself added as the main hero of course.

He loves his stories, and they are usually very funny and sweet, full of emergencies miraculously solved by C Tracy, the amazing Firebirds hero. He tells his stories in the car, annoying or delighting his siblings, depending on the amount of sleep they had the night before… He builds his own pods out of lego, and draws endless pictures of his Firebirds. This is all wonderful, of course.

This went wrong one morning when he asked me to get Alexa to play the latest Firebirds series… He was outraged when I told him that Alexa wouldn’t be able to find his Firebirds stories. He insisted on me finding it, but of course, poor Alexa and I failed! When I explained that Alexa couldn’t find his stories, because they weren’t real he really lost it. Of course his stories were real! He had goodness knows how many episodes, hundreds of series, and tacks of papers with dvd cover pictures to prove it… In the end he calmed down when we told him to start saving up so he could produce his own Firebirds dvd when he was a bit older.

He hasn’t accepted it though. He stopped, but still doesn’t understand why Alexa won’t show his Firebirds stories. He still blames me for my failure to get Alexa to play them. Every time we explain that he will need to produce the dvd first, then hopefully Alexa can play it for him. But it’s still my fault…

It’s irrational. It’s frustrating, and it makes me sad, for five year old P understands completely the difference between your own made up stories and stories that can be found on Alexa. It makes me feel sad when I hear P explaining to C why Firebirds can still not be found on Alexa, with C literally stamping his foot and grumbling, and trying to convince P that Firebirds is real…

I was thinking about this whilst driving to the gym in Holland. The road is alongside the canal, and I suddenly realised that we can all be irrational sometimes. I don’t like driving next to a canal. My mum really, really hates it. She will always tell my dad to stay on the road, to be careful, to not drive into the canal… I find myself thinking her words whilst driving along at 80 k/ph. I have actually never driven my car off the road, so why would I now? I have no intention of driving into the canal, so why do I tell myself to be careful and not drive into the water? As if I was thinking of doing so!

Once, when swimming in Holland I watched the police academy students having a diving lesson, practising to rescue people n the water. I then figured out that if ever I got into the water in a car, my only hope of getting out was somehow figuring it out myself, for most of those aspiring police officers wouldn’t be of much help… (Maybe they had another 25 lessons, and actually, by the time they are let loose on the public they are amazing divers and swimmers…!!??)

So me leaning over to the left a tiny bit in my car was just as irrational!

So much fear is being passed on at the moment, so much of it totally irrational. You won’t believe the amount of people who have asked me if and when I will be deported with my Dutch passport. Seriously??!! Irrational.

So many people live in fear. Some of that is justified, but often we fear those things the most that will actually never happen. We waste time and energy worrying and fretting over stuff that is irrelevant or irrational. We forget, especially as Christians, we forget that nothing happens by chance, that God is still in control, and He works all things for good for those who love Him.

He reminds us, “Fear not!” even to those whose fear was justified and not irrational at all. So how much more should we trust Him over fears that are just in our minds!?

Jolly Nice Murder

He opens the burger box, his mouth watering. The fat burger with a strip of bacon on the top, smothered in melted cheese makes his stomach growl. He sighs with a long, satisfied sound, just what he needs. A good, hearty burger, red on the inside. None of the fast food chain type burgers, limp flimsy bits of so called beef. No, a Jolly nice burger is what he has been looking forward to. He takes a hungry bite, chomping away, his hands still cold. The large yurt is warm and comfortable and very quiet, but outside the wind is bitter. He thinks about tomorrow, a frown on his face, looking at his problem from various angles. His poem, that is the problem. His St Nicholas’Poem for Brendon. He tuts, taking another bite, relishing the juicy beef with onions. Yes, it was a good idea going here for lunch. Now, Brendon’s poem, or rather, the lack of one. Truth is, he has been putting it off, remembering Brendon’s fury last year. All contained under a pleasant smile of course, but he knew better. Brendon had smelt like murder last year, and if he finds out that he, Johan, has got Brendon’s name again…well, no St Nicholas chocolate will be able to smooth out the evening, he reckons.

Bits of last year’s poem come back to him, and he chuckles in spite of himself. Of course, laughing at your own jokes is pretty poor taste, but then, it had been rather funny to watch Brendon having to read out his poem. He had really enjoyed himself until the poem was over, and Brendon had looked his way, knowing full well that Johan must have been the Saint and Helpers signed off at the end of the poem. Johan had continued laughing with the rest, and so had Brendon, but he remembers the twitching in his eye. He had pretended to sneeze and blow his nose, worried that Brendon might notice the tick, and guess his fear. Brendon had brushed the joke off like flakes from his jacket, but no before Johan had noticed his looks. Now he has got him again,and he will need to produce another poem, but somehow Johan hasn’t got the courage to mention Brendon’s business policies again. Last year he had laughed at the risk it involved, sure that Brendon’s policies were public knowledge anyway, but as Brendon read out the poem Johan realised that he had made the mistake of his life. Literally.

Johan bites and chews through the burger, napkins at the ready, as the burger leaks and bits of coleslaw drop out. Somehow the joy he felt over the first bite or two has started to fade. He will need to come up with a poem soon; one that is funnier than last year’s, but safer. Johan has no desire to be on the receiving end of Brendon’s ire again! Even though nothing ever came of it. Brendon made the odd comment that seemed to hint back to their festive evening, but Johan had expected something a lot more dangerous. Brendon was ruthless, he thinks, I will never forget that poor coffee lady… Brendon had gotten away with it of course, apparently the woman had a heart condition,but Johan is pretty sure Brendon had something to do with her fall. He hadn’t really thought about the consequences of his poem, only when Brendon’s eyes hooked onto him did he think. It was too late then of course, but maybe Brendon saw the funny side of the poem after all? He feels quite pleased for a moment,wondering if maybe Brendon had met his match! He never had expected it to be him, though. Johan pops the last bite of his burger in his mouth, grinning.Yes, Jolly Nice Burger seems a most appropriate name for it! Just when he puts the thin paper napkin down in the box his phone vibrates. He turns his phone on,his tongue dealing with rogue burger crumbs.

“I hope you enjoyed that, as it will be your last. I’ll save you the difficulty of getting me a present and a poem. Have a Jolly Nice St Nick.” Brendon. Brendon sent him a text, but what does he mean? Johan stares at the screen until it fades out. When he turns his phone on again the message has disappeared, it was obviously there to be read just once. What does he mean,last one? And their St Nicholas celebration at work is not for another day. He sits very still, his mind skipping past all the options, and he is only vaguely aware of the tingling in his mouth, the heavy feeling in his stomach. Not for long though, and Johan feels a growing sense of panic as he stumbled to the little toilet block. He makes it with seconds to spare, and is violently sick.When he tries to get up, he finds himself unable to breath, and he frantically gropes for the lock, hoping that the outdoor air will help him to catch some needed oxygen. The last thing he sees is Brendon, grinning, eyes still burning with fury, “Have a Jolly Nice St Nick,” his voice fading away fast.

New Stories

Stories

Do stories differ depending on where they’re set? Staying in the Netherlands has been wonderful as well as busy. We have walked, gone swimming, visited friends and family, as well as just relax. I loved being around people, and it made me think about interactions. I love Dutch humour, I must admit… the way they operate is so different, and it came out in the running group I went with. The banter and chatter was really refreshing, something I have missed, I realised. The run refreshed me, even though I was the one at the back, gasping for breath, with a very red face… it was the way people chat to each other, thoroughly disagree with each other, complain about stuff they don’t like, but still laugh together and have a great time. I loved how they don’t do the male/female divide, the never-the-twain-shall-meet sort of thing. The idea of running with a mixed group would make me think twice in England, whereas in the Netherlands it’s great fun, and adds a dimension to the whole thing. I liked the winding up that goes on, and how people make you feel welcome and include you in their jokes. I missed the male humour, the way guys joke when there’s women around, and how just doing things together works well in the Netherlands, without it feeling weird. I really, really missed that, and I’m grateful for the few chances I had to go running. Everything seemed so relaxed and calm, and their lives are busy and filled, but still organised.

Running around the forest, walking around the highest waterfall and seeing places has given me some great story ideas as well…a Body near the waterfall, after all, it’s not that busy, and anything can happen. It’s the reason I don’t really like walking through a quiet wood, wondering if there’ll be a hand poking out from the leaves… Another story could be a stalker in the woods…Jogging along at the back, I just thought about it. I run very quietly, and every now and again, it sounded like there was someone behind me, but there never was… What if I wasn’t running with a group, but alone, and the steps behind me weren’t imagined, but real? That set me off wondering if a slight, but fit and fast girl can outrun or defend herself against a large man intend on harming her… Looking at the woods, the dark trunks, many trees chopped down, the ground turned over rather effectively by wild boar, I could just imagine staying there. The woods are large, with plenty of shelter, so what if there was someone hiding in the woods… We were watching the skating rink, a long line of men zooming round on their speed skates. Speed skates make formidable weapons, their irons sharp and sticking out a good way at the front as well as the back…

Not even sure where to start, or which story to tell first. The best part with Living Vicariously is that you can include whatever you want, like your favourite food! Just two days and NaNoWriMo is over, and as soon as the first draft is done I will start on some stories set in the Netherlands… I can’t wait, and as we’re driving home with the rain pelting our windscreen I’m glad that at least my mind can stay behind a bit longer, wandering through the golden brown forests, listening to the splattering sound of the neatest waterfall ever…