Stonehenge
The English countryside looks beautiful this June day. The fields are lush and green, dotted with poppies, their bright red heads nodding in the breeze. Magnus is feeling relieved; he never thought Esther would agree to come with him to Stonehenge, but here they were, travelling to the huge monument! It took some doing, but they managed to find a tiny B&B outside Amesbury, near Stonehenge. The place was going to be packed in the next few days! Magnus is glad though, however much he hates crowds, he is prepared to put up with anything and anyone on this mission! He must get back into favour with the gods, whatever the cost! Being at Stonehenge on the morning of the Summer Solstice chanting, calling out, feeling the first rays of the sun on his face might do just that!
He hasn’t told Esther, of course. He can just guess what she would think of that. She has already made it clear that she is not coming to Stonehenge in the middle of the night to watch the sun rise, but she will come a few days before that, just to see Stonehenge itself. Esther loves history, and can’t wait to see this incredible place, but she has also explained that she does not like the whole pagan idea behind it. “I’m so excited about seeing it for myself, it’s such an amazing part of historical value! I just don’t understand how they managed to build it, especially the huge stones on top! I don’t like the sun worshipping thing though, and I know not everyone there will be into that, it’s just too crowded for me.”
They decided to go a week before the Solstice stay, in a B&B for a week, and visit the stone circle on their first day. That way they get to see the place when it is a lot quieter, and in daylight. The next few days they decide to relax, visit Amesbury and Salisbury, and other interesting places. Salisbury has a beautiful cathedral, and some quaint little streets and shops. Magnus had pulled a bit of a face when he heard about shops, but Esther had reassured him. “No worries! I’m saving up all my gems,” she had smiled, “I really want to get an amazing dress, or pass on the gems to another generation for an amazing dress…” Her face had lost its smile then, as she remembered that the baby in the bassinet was not theirs; it was Miriam and Samuel’s fourth baby! Magnus had looked away quickly, worried that Esther would see the blazing anger in his eyes. Why, when I used to be so spoiled by the gods, why? Were they just taunting me then, wanting to hurt me by lifting me high, so I might fall down as low as possible?
Near the end of the morning they spot Stonehenge in the distance. The huge stone circle is set on a hill, the green rolling slopes around it bare, accentuating the circle. A mysterious feeling hangs in the air, Magnus feels, and his heart beats stronger. Surely, this will be the place to connect with the gods, and to petition them, to ask them for a son! He slides his hand in his pocket and feels the cool shape there; caressing it with his strong fingers, their finger tips hardened from strumming away on the guitar. He feels guilty, glances at Esther from the corner of his eye. In his pocket is a Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer, bought with saved up Simoleans. He has been practising very hard, earning a few extra coins when possible. Rather than adding those coins to the family budget, he kept them. I needed those coins, he thinks defensively, I needed them to make a sacrifice, to buy a token of my devotion and to gain the gods’ favour. He had managed to find a beautiful Hammer, made of solid silver, larger than the one he had hidden in the bassinet, beautifully made and heavy, its weight comforting him, calming him; the coolness of the silver shape warming his heart.
After a hearty breakfast of sausages, eggs, bacon and baked beans, Magnus feels he won’t be able to eat the rest of the day! He never gets the idea of having baked beans for breakfast, but somehow it tastes alright, especially with the bacon. They get the bus over to the visitors centre, from where another bus takes them very close to the stone circle. Esther is busy looking through the guide book, reading as fast as she can, intrigued by the history and theories around the stones. In the book it explains where the stones came from, how they got there, how they were set up, as well as lots of other details. She reads snippets of the book out to Magnus, but he only half listens to her words. His mind is rushing ahead, buzzing with anticipation. He is here, at the stone circle, where there has to be a special connection to the gods. Soon, in just a few days, he will meet here in worship, at the right moment; watching the sun come up, hitting the Heel Stone, witnessing the unique event…showing his dedication, his commitment and faith in the gods, in Thor, Frey and Freya, Odin himself… surely it will count for something! He is certain that the experience will bring peace back into his life; he is convinced that this coldness and distance will be healed, restored.
The bus stops, Esther and Magnus get off, and start up the path towards the huge stones. Although the circle is roped off, to preserve the stones, you can still see them very clearly; their age shows in the moss covering the stones. Some have fallen over, some are huge, others seem smaller, but the entire things is…breathtaking! Esther stares, and sighs, a long drawn out sighs, looking round, her eyes shining. “It’s incredible, Magnus, simply incredible! I know it explains in the book how they probably did it, but the proportions…the skill! Mindblowing, it really is mindblowing. So amazing to see their craftsmanship all these years later…” She keeps looking, taking pictures every few steps, drinking in the sight of the huge stones. Magnus does too, but with a hunger and neediness that actually surprises him a little. He can feel desperation driving him to look, to study the stones; trying to find a sign, a token of the gods’ favour towards him. He finds none, but reassures himself that it will come; next week, when he will be there to catch the first rays of the rising sun, his heart will find strength and health, and all will be well again; fortune will be restored to him and Esther; an heir will be born, he just knows it!
Magnus and Esther return to the B&B, and the next few days feel themselves relaxing, talking together, laughing at each other’s stories and just enjoying each other. “It’s like our courtship again,” Magnus grins at his wife, “I had an amazing time with you then, and this time it’s even better, for you’re my wife, and I love you more everyday!” Esther laughs, she loves Magnus, loves his handsome face and his big smile, which she had missed a little. She has been worried about Magnus. He has been quieter recently; sometimes looking a bit lost and sad, worried about something. She knows he is desperate to have a son, knows that he resents whatever Samuel and Miriam are plotting which involves the constant use of the bassinet. It saddens her, for she too would love a child. Contrary to her normal fretting and fussing, her renewed understanding of God’s providence has meant that she has been calm and at peace. Her heart just knows that she can trust God with the outcome; that somehow He is working this delay to her good, and that He is in control of her life, and that includes the little bassinet. Yes, she longs to be a mother, longs to hold a little sweet baby in her arms, and yes she does envy Miriam at times. There is no bitterness though, no anger, no fear in all of this, just a calm walking through life; a serene trust that she would never have thought possible could be hers!
The days fly past, Magnus is getting more and more tense. So much depends on that very early morning, and he just doesn’t want to imagine what could happen. He just needs to trust fate; trust that the gods will smile on him and Esther, and grant him a child. Esther smiles indulgently at her antsy husband, who is checking his bag, putting on more warm layers, checking his phone to see he still has time for a quick drink and a bite to eat. The chicken noodles taste like strings of cardboard though, and Magnus has no appetite whatsoever. He is restless, unable to sit still; constantly checking his pocket and feeling a tiny bit reassured by the little silver hammer in the palm of his hand. He struggles to keep his temper when Esther tries to joke with him, and mildly teases him about his sun dance…
Finally the time comes for Magnus to go. It’s pitch black outside, no stars, nothing to light the way, not even streetlights! Magnus gets into the waiting taxi, and soon finds himself near the stone circle again. The circle itself can’t really be seen, only the path through the long grass is illuminated, but there are a few pinpricks of light where people wave their torches. Magnus walks up to the circle, his heart beating wildly. This is it! This is what he has come for; this is the moment he has been hoping for, praying for, longing for with all his being. When he comes closer to the stones he slows down. He has to slow down, because of the huge crowd of people. There are just people standing everywhere. Magnus peers around him in the darkness, aided by the glowing torches. A tiny cold snake starts to curl itself round his madly beating heart. So many people, so many chattering voices, laughing, singing, clapping… There is no hushed reverence, as he had expected, and as he actually needed. He can’t hear incantations, or familiar chanting…only buzzing voices as if he was at a midnight feast, a midnight party.
Magnus manages to worm himself through the crowd, apologising for stepped on toes here, grunting his excuses for nudged ribs there, and finally he is closer to the stones. In the darkness he can just about make out there faint outlines, and he knows that he is as close as he is going to get. He can focus now, prepare himself, ready himself for…well, whatever it is that will happen! He clutches the little hammer in his pockets, takes deep breaths to calm his galloping heart… He stops, listens, and frowns when he hears the noise from the inner circle, the most holy part of the place. It sounds like a ‘rave’ someone said later, instead of the reverent dancing and incantations from druids and others. The cold snake round his heart has grown in size and strength it seems, and Magnus finds that he is starting to feel something akin to panic entering his heart. His hand tightens round the silver hammer even more, as he wrestles to overcome this sense of fear. “It will be fine, it will work; they will know that I came to do things properly. They will hear me, see me, restore me…”
Just before the sunrise is due the first rain drops hit Magnus’ cheeks. After ten minutes Magnus cannot tell the difference between rain or tears on his face; they have mingled together perfectly and completely. “Odin? Thor? Why? What have I done wrong? Didn’t I sacrifice, didn’t I go to great lengths, didn’t I seek all this wholeheartedly? Why…why…!” He looks at the sky, the colour of lead, rain pouring down steadily, softly… “Even the sky is crying,” he groans, “even the sky is grieved, but you didn’t hear me; you wouldn’t grant me my one wish, my one heart’s desire?” In the grey semi darkness of dawn Magnus stumbles through fields, long grasses a clear sign that the land is favoured by the gods… On and on he stumbles, the grass wet and cold against his legs, his shoes soaked in rain and mud, whispering and muttering, the main word being ‘why?’. He struggles on, downhill, further and further away from the laughing, singing crowd; further away from the shouting druids who even now are still calling out to the sun to arise. He doesn’t know where he is going, doesn’t care either. Through fields, more fields, across a large but deserted road; blinded by rain and tears Magnus staggers on.
Then he reaches the end of where he can go. He has reached the banks of a river. He can hear the gurgling noise of the river, floating by as usual, laughing at him, mocking him. Magnus yanks the hammer from his pocket, leaving his pocket in needs of repair, and with a roar as primal as Thor himself, he flings the hammer, the mjorvil into the river with all his might. “Keep it! Keep it!” He yells, and all his hopes, his dreams and expectations sink to the bottom of the flowing river like his silver mjorvil. Magnus buries his face into the wet grass, and cries; big, heaving sobs, anger and hopelessness fighting each other in his heart. When all his anger, fear and grief is spent and his tears have run their course, he drags himself to his feet. He looks around; now what? In the distance he can see the first houses, a road, cars, reality. Slowly he walks over to civilization, to normality, to Esther. The taxi driver is obviously used to weird and wonderful people around these parts of the world this time of year, for he asks no questions and makes no comment when a wet, muddy, exhausted Magnus tumbles into his cab.
Esther stares and her mouth opens, but she doesn’t even know where to start with her questions. “Oh Magnus, oh my darling sweetheart, what on earth has happened?” She rushes around, getting him clean clothes, towels, anything he might need, and switches the kettle on for some coffee. She looks at him, her strong, handsome husband, looking like a dying man, a drowning man. Poor Magnus, what has happened? She wonders if he got robbed, especially when she spots the ripped pocket. No, she thinks, Magnus would have been livid, and possibly muddy and bruised, but they wouldn’t have gotten away with it! No, something very serious has happened. Also, I don’t think there was any sunrise this morning, what with the rain that obviously has been coming down for a good few hours… Oh dear, poor chap!
Magnus won’t talk about it. After a hot bath, an even hotter cup of coffee and a huge cooked breakfast, he goes back to bed, to catch up some sleep. All he does when asked is grunt about the sun not rising, as it was raining. That afternoon they travel back home, Magnus still mute and looking as if he’s feeling sick. He stares at the fields flashing past the windows, not seeing anything but a bleak, black hole; not feeling anything apart from an icy cold snake twisted around his heart, squeezing…squeezing… until he fears that he really might be sick any moment…
Esther is worried about Magnus. They have been home several days now, and his face is still as grim as it was when he first shuffled into the room at their B&B that fateful morning. She is still in the dark about what happened at Stonehenge, apart from the fact that the sunrise didn’t happen because of the rain. One day, when tidying up the large bedroom, she decides to have another quick look at the strange little silver charm in the bassinet. To her consternation, it’s not there! It has gone, and even after she searches all round the bassinet, there is no silver shape. She sits down, thinking hard. This really has left her very curious. She knew Magnus had something on his mind when he went to the Summer Solstice thing at Stonehenge. Something went wrong there, and now the little silver shape has been taken from the bassinet. Are those two things connected?
That evening she decides to talk to Magnus; after all, his silence and woebegone face have lasted long enough… At first he won’t say much; he just grunts, shrugs his shoulder, and says, “Well, nothing happened, that is the whole point. It rained, end of story.” Esther can be very persistent though, and she just senses that something is wrong, very wrong in fact. In the end, Magnus spins round from the long window, and looks at her, his face contorted with grief, and the dam breaks, tears stream down his face, and he sinks down on the bed. “The sun wouldn’t rise, the gods wouldn’t even shine on us, on me! I needed the sun to rise, to show us favour, to restore us, to bring us fortune and health…to grant us a son..” He cries, Esther holding him tight, dismayed, stunned. Magnus, her Magnus, her larger than life Viking, heartbroken and sobbing like a lost man! She holds him, strokes him, kisses his wet cheeks, whispers her love to him. The storm passes as fast as it came, Magnus looking embarrassed; taking shuddering breaths in order to control himself once more, with Esther loving him more than ever. “The sun didn’t rise, and I feel it will never rise again for me, for us…I tried to pay the gods, give them all I could, did all I could; but they didn’t smile on me, on us.” He sighs, sounding so sad, so defeated.
He looks up at Esther, and hesitatingly says, “What about your God? Could we give Him something…you know, pay Him, do something so He will smile on us in favour?” Esther’s eyes fill with tears immediately, she hugs Magnus tight and takes a deep breath, looking for words to explain her God to her sweet husband, this brave Viking who realises that some things are beyond man’s power.
“Oh Magnus, my God can’t be bribed; he can’t be paid, as He owns all things, made all things, gives us all things. It’s like paying Him with stuff that belongs to Him already! He doesn’t need our possessions, He wants us; He wants our hearts, our minds and our strength. He wants us to live for Him, and Him only, for He wants our all; and then we will find our all in all in Him… He is called the Sun, the Sun of righteousness. You missed the sunrise at the Solstice, but He promises that unto those that fear His Name, The Sun of righteousness will arise with healing in his wings… You see, He can heal our hearts, heal and restore us. Oh Magnus, he is the Sun that will never go down, who will never leave us in the dark. We can trust Him and ask Him, any day of the year, at any time and at any place. No rituals are needed, no money is needed, only our hearts. All we need is to put our faith in Him, and in His gift to us. He gave His life, so that we might have eternal life. Don’t you see?”
Magnus does see, and he wants to trust, he really does. Fear makes him hold back though, and with a hoarse whisper he says, “Can you ask your God then? Ask Him to bring healing to us, to me? To bring peace, to shine His light on us?” They hold each other tight, tears flowing freely; healing tears this time, tears with no bitterness, no anger, tears of hope and peace. The snake in Magnus is uncoiling, loosening his heart, allowing him to breathe, to hope in a future. Magnus feels his heart warming up, light streaming in, chasing the snake, shrinking it, weakening it; and for the first time since that fateful morning, the Sun has come up, the Dayspring has arisen in his heart!