baby – Vicarious Living

Choices

The wedding went through, of course. “I’m so happy,” a grinning Ralph gushes, staring at Anselma with shining eyes. “This is definitely the happiest day of my life, and I feel so richly blessed! To think that I married the most beautiful woman in SiMobile!” Anselma nods, her eyes shining too, but hers are wet with unshed tears. Not the happy variety either, as this day definitely doesn’t fit her idea of the happiest day ever! In fact, the day would probably come in the category of Worst Days Ever. She hasn’t the heart to say that, of course, so she manages to pull her face in a smile. Ralph just sighs with sheer happiness, and after giving her another squeeze, walks over to some of the guests to thank them for coming.

“I just can’t believe it,” Anselma mumbles, feeling that the struggle against her tears might be lost any moment. “What will my friends say? How am I going to photoshop all my wedding photographs for those fans following my vlogs?” She looks around, smoothing her sweaty hands over her dress. “At least I can do some reports on the standard SiMobile wedding dress, that will help others too. Then at least everyone has an idea what to buy if they want different personal pictures, rather than the standard issue dress.” She relaxes a little, her mind busy with the few options for blogs and vlogs this might bring. “I could use the webcam, although it does break rather easily,” she mumbles, checking the dress in various lights and angles. This cheers her up, and she even manages to accept people’s congratulations without breaking down. Some of her friends seem rather puzzled over her choice of husband, which confirms to Anselma that she’s really trapped. She knows it’s actually not a big deal, but still, for a beauty queen like her surely she should feel it’s important to have a very handsome spouse?

Life soon settles down, and Ralph blossoms. He spends a lot of time cooking, with a grace and flair that surprises Anselma. Her vlogs are attracting more and more followers, in spite of the odd snide comment about some of her pictures… Soon she realises that Ralph hasn’t damaged her career, and she relaxes a little. Until Ralph suggests that they fill the bassinet… He spotted it in the main bedroom, and that evening he suggests it’s their turn. “You know Keziah and Nicholas have just met, and their courtship is going very well. Soon they will be married, and as Nicholas has to move in, coming from another well known family, they might want to start a family sooner rather than later…” He looks at Anselma, his huge mouth grinning, so she quickly looks at his beautiful eyes, suppressing a shudder. She takes a deep breath, clutching her sides, wrapping her arm round herself. Filling the bassinet? What if they find themselves with a houseful of little Ralphs? “We might have a little girl,” he continues, oblivious to her distress, “one as beautiful as her mother,” he laughs, looking pleased and excited. So the bassinet is filled, and a little boy is born, Roald. Anselma leans over the bassinet a lot that day.

“He’s beautiful,” she whispers, gratitude flooding her, cracking her voice. “Let’s hope he stays that way too, but at least he hasn’t got an odd shaped face…or gigantic ears, or…” she stops, feeling bad even whispering these things. She glances over her shoulder, but the room is empty, fortunately. “I’m glad it’s a son, though, and it does warm my heart to see Ralph so ecstatic! Having a new baby gives me a new fashion thread as well,” she smiles at Roald, tugs his bedclothes straight, and hurries back to her computer. Nicholas and Keziah will be here soon, ready for their reception. She can feel the little jealousy dragon flicker its tongue in her heart, seeing those two together… Nicholas is so handsome, probably helped by his Italian background, with a wonderful name, Ferraro…Such an improvement on Snowdon, she sighs. She just hopes that the little baby in the bassinet will do her proud, so that at last she has more options for family pictures!

Nicholas moves in, and as soon as Roald is a toddler, Keziah and Nicholas retreat to the large bedroom, and soon their baby Alonzo is sleeping peacefully in the bassinet. Roald is a sweet looking toddler, and Anselma feels herself relaxing, watching her little boy with anxious eyes. She is relieved though when he doesn’t show much in common with Ralph, even though his father is very fond of the boy. He spends a lot of time with Roald. “He is such a handsome little boy,” he says to Anselma, pride filling his rich voice. “Have you seen the way he walks, so certain of himself! He’s an absolute delight,” and his eyes drift towards the door to the large bedroom. “I wonder when Alonzo will be walking,” he says, an odd smile twisting his fleshy lips, making his ugly face even more out of shape than usual. Anselma swallows the panicky feeling she can feel deep down, as she still remembers her anxiety during the baby stage… They have a sweet, handsome son, should they really risk having another child?

Of course, Ralph prevails, and soon Ramon is born. Anselma cringes a tiny bit when saying her sons’ names, as they sound too modern and not stylish enough by half. “I mean, names are important, I did like Ralph, but that was before…” she explains to a friend over coffee at the café. “You see, I feel names say a lot about a person, their background, that sort of thing. Like Alonzo, Nicholas has an Italian background, so they chose a name to reflect that. They’re hoping for a girl, really, but Alonzo is really sweet.” She looks out of the large window, watching people walking round the park. She sighs, knowing that feeling jealous is definitely unhealthy. Every fashionista knows that your thoughts will have an effect on your face, and bitter, harmful thoughts definitely leave a bitter, ugly trace on your face… Subconsciously she rubs a hand over her face, as if double checking that her face hasn’t been ravaged by her envy. Alonzo is a name she likes a lot, he is very cute, and Keziah and Nicholas make a lovely couple. Her vlog, on the other hand, will never display her husband, and her sons are quite cute and handsome, for now at least, but somehow saying Roald and Ramon makes her vlog sound cheap and common. She sighs, feeling down and lonely. Her friend giggles, breaking through her morose thoughts.

“You look tired, why not go to the party tonight? You know it’s held at the Knight’s house? Their parties are amazing, if only for their four pools! Four! Imagine that, and the rest of the house is beautiful as well. You do realises that they’re a bit hush hush most of the time, although they cover it well? Just don’t ask too many awkward questions, and definitely keep them out of your vlogs, blogs and whatnots!” They both laugh, Anselma feeling a tiny thrill. The Knights! Some of her ancestors were Knights, and the whole mysterious aura around them is delicious in itself! Maybe she will manage to unearth something? She could always blog about it with made up characters? “Just don’t be too late, you know how SiMobile government disrupts most parties nowadays? The worst one is when they won’t allow you to let people know about your party, that’s just awful! The invites just never arrive, all party activities are hidden, and it’s impossible to attend most of the time! Some people have actually moved because of it, setting up in another town altogether!” Anselma had heard about party issues, and how most parties only seemed to last a short time. Somehow she hadn’t really thought about it, as she was relieved when their parties ended! Last time, just before the party was stopped, somebody had pointed at Ralph, and asked her in a whisper where on earth that guy came from… She had blushed, coughed, and escaped…

A party at a beautiful, stylish home is just the remedy, Anselma decides soon after arriving at the Knight’s abode. She smiles at people, a real, genuine smile this time, feeling free without anything to hide. She’s just a beautiful woman, mother of two sweet boys, with a caring husband, who isn’t here to show her up… She tries out the hot tub, giggling, “I haven’t been in one of those before, it’s so relaxing! Maybe I should do it more often, and then do a vlog about it, as it must be good for you,” she sighs with contentment, leaning back in the warm water. Some friend introduces her to Alex Knight, a tall, smiling, polite man. She can’t remember who introduced them, she has just eyes for Alex. “Why didn’t I get married off to a Knight,” she groans, “they are so handsome and tall. I know I have ancestors not too far down the line from the Knight family, but even so…” She feels sad and somehow finds herself spending quite a bit of time with Alex that evening. Alex is a real gentleman, polite and kind. Not once does he hint that she’s making a nuisance of herself, but entertains her with a kind smile. Anselma comes home with lots of happy stories. Ralph smiles and listens, his kind eyes never leaving her glowing face. If he is worried about the frequent mentions of Alex Knight, he doesn’t show it.

The next few days Anselma manages to contact Alex a few times. She has his SimMail address, and they even meet up for a coffee. Meeting Alex in her home would be very awkward, so they have a coffee at the café. Will, the waiter, is there as well, of course, his dark eyes taking in everything and everyone. He has a good memory and actually has the audacity to enquire after the other man she was with, the one with the large ears… “You mean my husband?” she asks, rather shocked. She glares at Will, who smiles, and winks at her! She gasps a little, honestly, who does he think he is! Then she giggles a little, for it’s a while since a man has made her blush. Alex is happy to chat, discussing various friends from SiMobile that they both know through parties. They talk about the awful way the government is clamping down on parties, driving people away from SiMobile, in order to meet more friends. The hour in the café is over before Anselma realises, and she has work waiting for her at home; so has Alex, who had explained that some of the work is a cover more than anything else. “I understand,” she had laughed, “if you tell me more, you’d have to kill me, and that would be unheard of in SiMobile!” They both laughed, then get up to go. Anselma wonders how to ask Alex to meet up again, but just as she thinks she has found a good way to ask, he dashes her hopes.

“It was nice meeting you, Anselma, but let’s leave it at that, shall we?” He smiles at her, still kind and polite, “I did enjoy the coffee, but we Knights make it a point to not get involved with anybody. So, yes, thanks for the nice time, and goodbye.” They shake hands, Anselma smiling, and assuring him that she’s really enjoyed it, making sure she mentions her husband and sons a few times, to show that there never had been any shady intentions on her part…! Once Alex has gone she does a quick walk round the park, then decides to grab a coffee to go before going home to update her blog. Will serves her, a cheeky grin on his face. When he hands her the latte, he leans over and says quietly, “As you come here with others for coffee, how about having one with me?” He waggles his eyebrow at her, a grey eyebrow, as he is definitely an elder. Anselma just manages to swallow the sharp retort, when she realises that he is actually still quite handsome. He is funny and flirty too, and she does feel bad for the older NPC’s, as they don’t often get to retire either. So she agrees, and a date is set.

The date with Will is a swirl, leaving Anselm breathless with laughter. His jokes are sometimes a little off, but she likes the naughty feeling it gives. “Ralph is always so serious, I’m only young once!” she whispers when she washes her hands, looking at her flushed cheeks in the little mirror. Anselma does feel twinges of guilt, but Will’s attentions and clear interest in her flatters her, and makes her forget everything. After all, it’s just a bit of fun, isn’t it? The date at the café leads to another date, and the two of them become quite close. Anselma feels uncomfortable, especially when she’s at home, watching the two boys, seeing Ralph’s steady walk around the kitchen, his grey eyes warm and alight whenever he sees her. “He trusts me completely,” she whispers in dismay, “not once will he think it strange that I go out, nothing in him makes him wonder what I do when he’s not there.” The whole thing is starting to feel wrong, and she wants to explain to Will. That’s not as easy as it seems though.

“What do you mean? You can’t just walk away now, and pretend we never met!” Will’s eyes flash with anger. “I’m an old NPC, you know that, and you are my one chance to have a full bassinet. At least give me that, so I have something to leave behind if I ever get to retire,” he pleads, his dark eyes calculating, unblinking. Anselma sighs, fill a bassinet with Will? No chance! Will pleads and explains, and when she still doesn’t give in, he threatens. “That business you’re always on about? I’m good with computers too. Easy enough to hack the stuff, and let all your followers know what you’ve been up to… that ugly husband of yours too…” he adds, sneering at her, laughing his horrid laugh. Anselma realises that she is trapped. Honesty would be the best policy, but shame keeps her stuck in bad decisions. “Just one baby, that’s all I want, I promise to stay out of your life,” he whispers, dark eyes gleaming like a snake’s, knowing the battle is won. Too late Anselma realises that Will meant the Mortina bassinet… Will just laughs at her tears, and soon the bassinet has another sleeping baby in it.

Ralph looks a little surprised, and assumes the baby is Nicholas and Keziah’s baby, and they assume the little boy belongs to Anselma and Ralph. Anselma finally realises how much she actually loves this large, sweet man, and is heartbroken over her betrayal. She sees now that she has moved past his face and lumbering figure, and learned to love his heart and his kindness. Now she has thrown it all away, just for a bit of fun. How could she? How could any Mortina break the most sacred bond in SiMobile? Granted, there are many loose relationships in SiMobile, but never in the Mortina Line. She cries bitter tears, and that’s how Ralph finds her. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his deep rumbling voice surprised, “I didn’t realise you were so desperate to have another baby too, so once theirs has become a toddler we could fill the bassinet, you know,” he smiles gently, thinking she is jealous. Anselma breaks down, and blurts out the ugly truth in heart wrenching sobs, wailing her regrets and remorse. Ralph is stunned. His beautiful wife has betrayed him? For an old NPC? He sits down, all strength drained from him. “What…what did you call the baby?” he whispers hoarsely in the end.

“Zachariah,” Anselma sobs, “meaning the Lord has remembered.” Silence reigns for a while, only Anselma’s sobs can be heard. “I’m so very, very sorry Ralph, and if you wish to return to your parents, I will totally understand,” she whispers, wondering how she will explain his absence to her family, and to Roald and Ramon… Ralph shakes his head, and goes to her, taking her in his arms.

“No,” he whispers, “no, I won’t go. You see, I know our marriage was very much one sided, and I can’t blame you. I think you’re wrong to judge people based on their looks, but I have my own faults too. I think this little baby is a reminder for you, but also for me. Your attitude to me hurt, you see. It hurt an awful lot, and I have been so incredibly lonely. In it all I trusted the Lord, though, and leaned on Him. I have found that in it all He was enough. This little baby has the right name, for it reminded you of what is important in life; and the name you chose is a reminder from God to me, that He has been with me all this time. Zachariah, yes, Jehovah has remembered me, and vindicated me as well, I think.” Ralph hugs her, kisses her head. Anselma just cries and cries, feeling ashamed of her terrible treatment of this man, this solid man. How she hurt him, and how sad he must have been to see her looking down on him, just because of his looks…

When she has calmed down they go to look at little Zachariah, walking to his bassinet hand in hand, one comforted, one taught, both wiser and kinder. Both remembered, with a sweet little boy as a daily reminder.

Tessa and Camilla

The door opens with a bang, making Tessa jump. She can hear Brandon’s voice, sounding pleased and cheerful. “Long may it last,” she mumbles, whilst quickly walking back to her yoga mat. Doing yoga stops Brandon from talking to her, or asking her difficult questions. Lately he hasn’t bothered her at all though, as he has been too busy chatting up Camilla. Tessa stares ahead, lifting both arms in a stretch. She doesn’t know what to make of Camilla, her soon to be sister in law. She seems kind enough, and doesn’t make the same sort of remarks as Brandon does. Something feels a little off though, and Tessa can’t figure it out. There is a feeling of desperation, of needing something hanging around Camilla. She shakes her head, as if shaking the thoughts out of it, “Never mind, it will all become clear once she moves in, no doubt.”

Tessa catches a glimpse of Brandon and Camilla as she leans over to one side. She sighs with an air of disappointment. Still no wedding garb! They finished the engagement ages ago, and Tessa has been expecting Camilla in a white wedding dress any moment. She dreams away then, imagining pretty Camilla in a white flowing dress, and Brandon in a tux. She smiles, yes, they’ll make a good looking pair. Both are dark haired, although Brandon looks a lot darker, because of his beard and his very dark brooding eyes. Tessa wished they got married; she does like Camilla in spite of this little niggle in the back of her mind. To have Camilla living in the house will be so much nicer. Camilla is completely taken up with Brandon, which doesn’t leave any girl time, Tessa thinks; when she lives here I might get to spend some time with her.

She feels puzzled though, “They spend so much time together, surely they will be almost at the level where the SiMobile Government will issue the Moving Permit without any problems? Why aren’t they doing the Wedding event? Is Brandon aiming for a top level relationship before asking Camilla to be his wife? I wouldn’t think that Brandon would wait that long…” Tessa bends over, wondering when she will have her Promotion papers, and whether her promotion will cause problems in the household. Being promoted means that she can find a husband, the thought making her shiver. Brandon has already been hinting that he will be able to find lots of his friends willing to marry a tiny slip of a girl like her… She hadn’t said anything at the time, but had left the room as quickly as she could without it looking like she was running away. She had made a b-line for the bathroom, and had been sick; the thought of one of Brandon’s cronies eyeing her up, leering at her, holding her hands… The though had been enough to make her lose her entire breakfast!

Tessa is startled out of her thought by the door of the hobby room being opened. Camilla comes in, carrying a red suitcase. Tessa forgets all about her yoga, and just stands there, staring at the suitcase. Why did Camilla bring a suitcase with her? SiMobile Government doesn’t normally allow overnight stays where you can bring a suitcase. Bedding down on a friend’s couch can happen, but to bring your overnight things along in a suitcase is a different story! Camilla smiles at her, an exuberant, glowing smile. “Don’t worry, I won’t disturb you,” she laughs, “we’ll be off in a minute anyway, just to finalise the last bits and bobs before our wedding.” And she’s off, before Tessa can even open her mouth.

Tessa sinks down on her mat, remembering just in time to stretch her leg out, just to make it look as if she is still engrossed in her yoga exercises. Her mind is spinning, and she struggles to catch her breath. Camilla is moving in? Before her actual wedding? Tessa is incredulous; she knows it happens a lot in SiMobile, people move in together all the time. Some people have very loose relationships with other Sims, having a child when they haven’t even had their first date at the café yet. She knows all that, but she had just never expected it of Camilla. You can tell that she comes from a very respectable family, and a very proper one. She has told them some stories about the Mortina Dynasty, and the faith of some of its members. Tessa had never once dreamed that Camilla would move in, like she just seems to have done! Tessa feels her eyes filling up, and before long tears make tracks down her cheeks, making her nose runny. She walks to the bathroom to blow her nose, and to pretend to have a shower, just so she can have a good cry. She feels so disappointed; somehow it has spoiled things, even though she would struggle to explain that to an outsider. To her it has marred the relationship. That is one of the ways that Tessa is different, she realises. “I just can’t see things in a relaxed way. I know I’m being fussy, and very old fashioned, but I can’t see it any other way. I believe that doing things properly is always best, the rest will lead to heartache and issues, I’m convinced of that,” she sobs, hot water running over her, washing away her tears, the warmth calming her down.

That afternoon Camilla and Brandon are walking round the house in their wedding outfits, looking as handsome as a pair can look, their faces glowing with happiness. Tessa has to smile at them, in spite of her disappointment; they just look so beautiful! The way the stand together under the wedding arch, holding hands and smiling into each other’s eyes… The way they dance slowly to the music…Tessa’s heart melts, and she sheds happy tears this time. She prays for their happiness to last; for peace in their marriage; for blessings to multiply each day and on and on Tessa prays, wishing them all the good things she can think of.

As soon as the wedding is over Brandon returns to work. He has taken a lot of time off, in order to spend time with Camilla. Not that he has achieved his goal he needs to go back to his job in the restaurant. Camilla is left behind, looking a bit forlorn. She realises that she misses her family, she confides to Tessa. “There are so many of us, it being an old family home. Most Mortina families have multiple children, so the house is just never quiet.” She starts to giggle, and when she sees Tessa’s confused face, she giggles even more. “You see, my parents had a bit of a scheme going. They needed to put some ancient Injustice straight, so they decided that the way to do so would be by having as many children as there are letters in the alphabet. So I was number three, Camilla, you know. I have two older brothers, Albert and Daniel. The problem was that my aunt and uncle were getting upset, as the bassinet was always filled with my parent’s babies. In the end they talked to my mum and dad, and they agreed to just have one more child, which was Zahra, my little baby sister.” And Camilla’s laughing face sobers then, remembering her sweet little sister, just staggering round the Mortina home…

Tessa laughs as well, imagining Camilla’s family… It mases her wonder though, so she asks, “Did they mind you moving out, and, well, and moving out without being married I mean?” She blushes a bit, as the question sounds so judgmental, but she would like to know what the people in Camilla’s large family thought of it. She worries for a moment that she has gone too far, and made Camilla feel offended, as Camilla doesn’t immediately answer the question. She is staring out of the window, her mind clearly back with her family. Then she smiles again, and the old Camilla reappears.

“Yes, they did mind. In fact, my parents were very upset, and so were my aunt and uncle. My uncle is from a Norse family, and although they are quite easy going in that respect, he felt I should have been different, as I belonged to the Mortina family. You see, my family is very old fashioned, holding on to morals, and their faith very much dictates their actions.” She pulled a bit of a face then, clearly not approving, and Tessa feels very sad all of a sudden. So Camilla’s family would maybe accept her, but it doesn’t look like Camilla will have much time for her views and concerns! She glances at Camilla’s clothes, and suddenly feels her lips trembling. Camilla got changed out of the wedding dress as soon as the event was over, and is now wearing a short top and mini skirt.

She catches Tessa’s glance and her face lights up, her family’s disapproval a thing of the past, it seems. “Do you like my top?” She asks, eyes shining, “I just got it this afternoon, as present from Brandon, for he knew I was desperate to have it! I just love it!” and with one hand she strokes her bare midriff, making Tessa cringe. “It just feels so light, and I feel so special in it. It makes me really feel liberated, and glamorous. Although,” and her face clouds over for a moment, “although I didn’t like some of the comments from the other guys. You know, Brandon’s dodgy friends…” Camilla pulls a face, a disgusted face; just thinking about Brandon’s friends gives her goose bumps. Whatever has he got those friends for, she wonders, and where did he find them!

She turns back to Tessa, feeling a little annoyed with the girl’s obvious disapproval. “I like to wear things like this, and to feel I’m free,” she says, her tone a little sharper and more defensive than she meant for it to be, “all my life I had to wear modest clothes, and I just wanted to be…well, not slutty of course, I’m not like that. I just wanted to know what it feels like to be really attractive, and to have men appreciate you. I must admit that men staring at me creeps me out though, I’m obviously more of a Mortina than I thought, hahaha.” She laughs, and Tessa has to smile in spite of her upset, for Camilla really has a great laugh. “Inherited from my mum, I’m afraid,” she grins, when Tessa tells her how she loves her laugh…

Soon, Camilla seems to have lost the ability to laugh though… For the very next day he brings his work colleague home. Her name is Brooklyn, and she has large cat like eyes and hair that is dyed pink. She looks at Camilla with her slanted eyes gleaming, and even has the audacity to chat to Camilla as if they are friends, before disappearing with Brandon to fill the bassinet! Camilla is heartbroken, and struck down with grief. Tessa tries to comfort and support her, but Camilla is just overwhelmed with grief. Tessa herself isn’t feeling much better, and she can feel her hatred against her brother growing inside. To bring Brooklyn home, and to betray his wife so utterly and totally just leaves her stunned. Poor Camilla! Brooklyn goes as soon as the baby is born, and Brandon acts as if nothing has happened. In the end, Camilla can’t stand it any longer, and Tessa sees her marching up to Brandon’s room to confront him. Tessa makes herself scarce; she hates confrontations…

The house is large enough, but the walls are thin, so Tessa can’t escape their raised voices. “Darling, you don’t understand,” Brandon’s voice sounds calm and tired, as if speaking to an ignorant child. “It is important that we have beautiful children; I’m an artist, I need to surround myself with beautiful things. So Brooklyn is my concubine, not my mistress. Mistress sounds so common, and dirty, and secretive. She is my concubine, and you’re my wife, and my life is complete, for beauty encompasses me. You’re artistic too, so surely you understand what I mean. When I turned up for work there was this new co-worker. Have you seen her eyes? They are so unusual, so I knew I just had to bring her home. We’re married, nothing will change that, so I don’t quite know what your problem is. I promise that as soon as the bassinet is empty you and I will fill it, alright?” Tessa hadn’t heard Camilla’s reply, as she had to run to the bathroom. She only just made it, and was sick until she thought her stomach would turn itself inside out. “How absolutely disgusting; how dreadful, oh, poor Camilla! What will her family think? I wonder if she will divorce Brandon…?”

Nothing of the sort happens and Tessa is shocked to see Camilla and Brandon laughing together, and even more horrified to see Camilla chatting to Brooklyn! They look as if they get on well, striking up a tentative friendship. Tessa can’t understand, and again she realises she is alone, with nobody to talk to; nobody at all who she could trust. All she could do was drag her weary body back to the yoga mat, and use the time to pray. Pray and cry, it was all she did these days, it seemed. Brooklyn was at the house a little more often, and Brandon was spending a lot of time with her. He hadn’t forgotten his promise to Camilla though, and as soon as Deborah becomes a toddler, Camilla and Brandon filled the bassinet.

Camilla smiles at Tessa’s upset face, and even gives her a hug. “Don’t worry about it, Tessa, it happens all the time in SiMobile… Lots of families live like this. In fact, Brooklyn can’t stand Brandon, but she has her own scheme to get him back. I’m a bit angry and admit I felt hurt at first, but I do agree with Brandon, that to get the right genetics, you need to be a bit openminded sometimes! Personally I don’t really care much for her huge cat eyes, but Brandon thinks they are so special, he just wants to have them mixed with his dark eyes… he knows you’ll be promoted soon,” Camilla continues, a sly smile making her face look very different. “He says you’re the marrying type, so as soon as you have married he wants Brooklyn to move in!” Camilla can’t continue, as Tessa has literally fled the room in tears. She goes to find her after a while, rolling her eyes over the girl’s sensitivity. “Those tears appear at the drop of hat,” she thinks to herself, “I hope she has calmed down by now!”

Tessa has calmed down, and Camilla tells her as a matter of fact that Brooklyn has a plan… Once she has moved in she will start a relationship with her lover. As both she and the young man she fancies are Townies it is impossible to have a relationship. SiMobile doesn’t allow two Townies to get together. Once she has moved in she will no longer be a Townie though, so she is using Brandon to have her own way… Camilla thinks it’s brilliant, beating Brandon at his own game, and is exasperated when Tessa cries even more. “Can’t you see how wrong it is?” The slender girl cries, “You can’t make a right out of two wrongs, and it’s definitely wrong! I don’t care that loads of families do it; that doesn’t make it right at all. I know Brandon is…is horrible, but surely that is not an excuse to do this…this evil scheme! Can’t you all see the grief and sadness and heartache this family has and will have in the future?”

Camilla looks at Tessa with astonished eyes, and says, “No, I can’t! You’re the only one, to be honest; we’re all having a great time! It’s called freedom; we all do whatever we like, wear what we enjoy, and just make friends and relationship that are free of restrictions and narrowminded rules!”

She walks off, feeling that Tessa is hopelessly old fashioned, and stuck in her narrow world view. Tessa lies back down, and weeps bitter tears, her heart breaking over her family’s brokenness. She knows grief and heartache will be there. There is spitefulness and jealousy already. Brooklyn and Camilla get on quite well, but it sickens Tessa the way they both vie for Brandon’s attention. He sits there, like the king, and both of them hover around him, waiting on him hand and foot. There will be fighting between the children as well, and.. “Lord, it’s all so wrong, and soon I will be promoted, and…and the idea of one of Brandon’s friends flirting with me… I really can’t do this anymore Lord, please…” Just before she drifts off to sleep, worn out from crying, the words of the hymn she heard last week floats into her semi consciousness, calming her, comforting her more than anything else can. “Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.” Then sleep overtakes her, and Tessa sleeps, a peaceful smile now round her sweet lips, her black curly hair framing her little pixie face.

Miriam

She was absolutely sure that there was more cheese in the fridge. Miriam is standing in front of the fridge, a frown on her face. She checks the shelves again, and the more she looks the more she is convinced that a lot of the cheese has gone. She groans, just what she needed. She had sneaked into the kitchen in the dark, hoping to quickly grab a chunk, mainly to cheer her up. Now the cheese she was looking forward to is no longer there. “How strange,” she mutters, trying to think back to when she stacked the fridge. “I only stocked it just before the Cocktail Party…” her voice trails off, as she all of a sudden remembers some of the guests making multiple trips to the kitchen, coming out in giggles, and looking just a tiny bit guilty! “Oh well, I suppose I shouldn’t have it at night anyway. I have been so busy at this job, I haven’t done any yoga for a while either, so cheese is probably not the best idea anyway.”

Miriam hesitates, but decides to go back to bed, back to her thoughts. Slowly she makes her way through the silent house, relieved that everyone is asleep. Explaining midnight snacking is always a bit embarrassing, she grins, and I don’t really feel like talking to anyone either. Here the grin melts away, replaced by a worried frown. “I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so tired these days!” Miriam had complained to her best friend, Lucille Ball. “I just don’t have any energy, everything takes so long, and I’m just ready to go to bed as soon as I come home. Last night I didn’t even want to go to the party. I went, of course, but I really had to make myself!”

Lucille had sympathised, and listened to Miriam, her eyes looking worried as she listened. This was not the friend she had come to know and enjoy! They used to have such good times together, and now Miriam looked all sad and dejected. What was going on? Of course, Lucille managed to draw Miriam out of whatever mood it was that she was struggling with at the moment, and soon the two of them are laughing again. Miriam’s dancing always makes Lucille double up with laughter, and soon Miriam seems the old Miriam again.

Miriam knows better though, and that evening in bed, she thinks about it, a big frown which changes her whole face, very unlike her! “Something is wrong with me, I just know it. Maybe it’s llama flu, or something else, but I’m not myself at the moment. I am just so tired, my legs won’t move. My job at the Club is driving me nuts, it’s getting boring now. It’s mainly elderly people who come to dance, and only when Lucille turns up is it great to be there. Zahra is will be a toddler soon…” and suddenly Miriam finds tears dripping on her pillow! “My life is just so empty, and it used to be so much fun! I don’t know what has happened!”

Samuel has noticed as well, and he is worried. “Are you alright?” he asks one evening, when it’s just the two of them in the house. They are sitting in the lounge of the Granny Annexe, where it is a lot quieter. A lot of their children are grown up, so they help keep an eye on the little ones. “I just noticed that you seem a bit quieter, so I was wondering about you,” he explains, “I just thought of it, as you looked really tired coming in here.” Miriam snuggles up, elbowing him at the same time, causing Samuel to groan and protest, and soon they’re both laughing, poking and tickling. When they finally stop, both completely out of breath, Miriam sits up, brushes her wild black hair out of her face, and sighs. This sobers up Samuel Vince quicker than anything else!

Miriam leans against him, and both are very quiet for a moment, rather unheard of with them! Then Miriam starts, sounding tired now, “Yes, I have been so tired. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s Llama Flu, who knows. Lots of our friends have had relatives affected by it. It just seemed to have come suddenly, and I don’t feel like anything at the moment.” Samuel doesn’t know what to say to this, so they sit together for a while. Miriam suddenly continues, “It started just before we had that talk with Magnus and Esther. In fact, just before Lucille told me she was going to accept retirement after the next Gems.”

This makes Samuel sit up, and hug her tightly, “Oh my dear, crazy darling,” he gushes, big grin back in it’s usual place. “You’re just feeling down, that’s all! It’s a case of the blues, and not surprising either! You get on with Lucille really well, so her retirement would be very sad. Then we decided to retire soon after her announcement and after the meeting with Magnus and Esther. That meeting was a bit upsetting too, as we had sort of hoped to have another string of babies… We agreed to just one more, so that probably didn’t help your mood!”

Miriam laughs, suddenly, her loud, wild laugh, filling the Annexe with it’s rich sound. “You know, you could be right! How silly of me… I do feel very sad about so many things, and I think all the bad news has drained me. I will miss Lucille dreadfully, which is why I’m actually happy to retire after we get our Gems. I just never realised how boring the job in the Club was going to be! It looked so exciting, you know, the lights and music, people coming in to dance…turns out it’s mostly retired people, some of them still trying to trick others into giving them stickers! I think they should be banned from the club if they do that! There is not much to do either, just play the music, or talk to people. I thought I’d be partying all the time!”

Miriam feels the grey, heavy cloud lifting a little for the first time. Yes, she thinks, it’s just the blues, but soon I will be retired! I’m quite excited about that actually, I’m just too tired and down at the moment. She thinks about the bassinet and their wild scheme, and before she knows it, giggles are bubbling up. She turns to Samuel and says, “You know, when we were thinking of ways to Restore Justice to your ancestor, what’s his name again? Thomas? No…Chris! That’s it, Chris, well, remember we were thinking of lots of plans. I still think we had the best plan! I mean, that guy Gregory at the Club, he’s absolutely ancient. All he does is scrubbing that table. He really is hopeless, and so are some of the other ones staggering round town. The Government would never have allowed an old people’s home though, would they. After your final birthday cake they frown on relatives contacting their elders that have moved out.”

This is true, and it’s the one thing that all retired people dread. It’s not so much the grey hair, the stooped shoulders and the aimless wandering; it’s the fact that after some time, a birthday cake will be presented, which is when you have to leave the home. Your family cannot contact you again, although some friends and relations still can. The Government obviously wants families to be forward looking, not stuck in the past, but surely a family should be allowed to keep in touch! Miriam feels the grey cloud descending again, thinking about never seeing her family again. Never seeing her best friend Lucille again…or maybe she will actually, and the sun comes out again. In fact, they might even be in the same apartment block. If so… and Miriam’s overactive party mind sets to work straight away. Samuel groans, he knows that look…!

“I still think our plan was best,” he says, trying to get Miriam out of crazy planning mode, “I love our children, and I’m sure they’ll make a difference. I’m sure it really was a fitting way of restoring Chris, and of course Vincent as well. I had to repair past injustices for two, which we did!” They laugh, and Samuel says, more dreamily, “Twenty six children would have been amazing though, imagine the impact! They would have had to move out of course whilst they were still quite young…”

Miriam looks at him, and she feels the ground sinking beneath her, as the reality of that statement sinks in. Somehow it had never entered her head; she just thought it was a bit of a laugh having children in alphabetical order, sending them into SiMobile to replace the NPCs there… The consequences of the scheme never registered with her. Until now, that is. Her precious children will need to move out. She will never see them again, unless she bumps into them by accident. They will leave, she will retire, so she has no way of communicating with any of them! She can feel panic starting to wriggle in her stomach, and actually lies her hands on her stomach to keep the fear under control. “My children!” she gasps to Samuel “My children, and I will have to say goodbye to them forever! Where will they go, what will they do now?”

Samuel Vince realises that Miriam is really upset, and he hugs her, and tries to comfort her. “I’m sure some of them will be married off. How about your sister’s children, they will need spouses won’t they? And how about my cousin Eva, she has got at least one child, hasn’t she? So maybe some could marry their children? There might be some friends who will need spouses. Anyway, there are plenty of flats available, and they’re all very good in landing on their feet!”

Miriam stares ahead, thinking about the coming days, and how she will need to say goodbye to her children. “What about the Dynasty?” she suddenly asks Samuel, and he looks surprised. “Will any of our children be eligible for the Dynasty at all? Or do they just take siblings? Maybe one of the girls could be nominated, or whatever you do to stay in the house…”

Samuel agrees, and explains about the family meeting they usually have. “When the Gems are out, or almost out, we have a large Family Meeting, and we decide on the future of the Dynasty. Two people can take over the house. That could be brother and sister, or cousins. What we did in Eva’s case was that she was promoted, she got married to Paul, and moved in with your parents. Once she left, I was promoted, and I then got to know you!” Another wild interlude follows, and when they’re all calm and trying to catch their breath again, Samuel says, “I think one of the girls should be promoted, really. Maybe Zahra; as she is the youngest, she won’t have much time to prepare herself for an independent life. Camilla is so pretty, and energetic, maybe she ought to marry into your family? Does your sister have a boy? Maybe Eva has a boy… We could do the same thing, promote Camilla, till she has moved in with your relatives, and then promote Zahra… She will need a good husband though. We’ll have a look round…”

Miriam feels a little better, it is helpful to make plans, she finds; the future doesn’t look so bleak when you plan ahead. The idea of Camilla marrying one of her relatives pleases her as well. That way, she will feel her little girl will be looked after. Zahra is special, as she is the last of her children. As she was the last, Miriam took more pains over the name. It had to be a ‘Z’ of course, but she wanted a name with meaning. The other children’s names had been rather random, but this last baby had to be special. It felt so final, and Miriam spent a long time studying names, feeling them on her tongue, checking them for meaning. When she came across ‘Zahra’ she fell in love with the name. Zahra, meaning Dawn in Hebrew…just perfect! The Dawn of another phase, another sphere in SiMobile. Dawn, bringing light, and hope and a new day. She felt sad about closing the chapter, but this last special baby reminded her constantly, that ‘weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning’; yes, she would cling to that, whenever the grey clouds suppressed her. She would cling to that thought, rather than the thought that she had missed out on another eighteen children…

Miriam manages, but still finds it hard to be as upbeat as she always was. She still meets up with Lucille whenever she can though, but some days she feels too tired and down to even talk to anybody. It is on days like that, when she doesn’t even fancy a party, that Esther goes to the parties. Esther doesn’t mind, she isn’t much of a party goer, but she doesn’t shy away from them either. As the bassinet will be free any moment now, Esther feels like partying anyway! They will finally have their family, finally have a child!

So Esther gets dressed up, goes to the parties, meets and makes friend; eventually Miriam decides to go, as she hears the last party is at Lucille’s house, a Special Ball. Both girls dress up in smart outfits, and Miriam is relieved when she finally makes it to Lucille’s house. She gasps, as the house has got a huge ballroom, and Lucille is there, waiting, smiling… Miriam rushes over to her friend, and they chat, and plan, and together they are determined to shake up all the old people around town.. Just wait till the Gems arrive, then trouble will begin, they both smile, looking like the conspirators that they are… SiMobile beware!

Alphabet

When Magnus walks through the door, he meets a very excited Esther. “Come and have a look, another garden patch has finished,” she squeals, her face beaming with pleasure. Magnus laughs, but he does follow her into the back garden. He must admit, he tries to avoid the back garden, as it’s such a mess! Each patch takes many days of extremely hard work in order to raise the funds to clear the patch. Once the gardeners set to work, it will still take several days before they have actually cleared the land. It took the four of them quite a while to earn enough money to finally be able to contact the gardeners. To be honest, he had forgotten all about the patch clearing, it took so long!

He looks at the empty patch, and looks at the Granny Annexe. Plans were that they would clear enough land to move the Annexe. It is so close to the main house, that it makes the courtyard look minute. Also, another bedroom would be helpful, what with Samuel and Miriam’s brood all growing up! Would this one cleared patch do it though… Magnus looks at the patch, walks round the Annexe, measures with his eyes, and still wonders! Samuel arrives to have a look too, and being Samuel he is convinced it will fit perfectly. “Yes, I’m sure it will fit, easily! We could just move the whole thing up, easy as that. Just put those gates into storage for now, and just shove the whole lot along a bit.”

The gates are put into storage, so is the wedding arch. The shoving starts, but as soon as they lay hands on he building both men realise they will have a problem. It’s not going to be that easy after all! They check a bit more carefully this time, and then find a solution. It will need some turning and refitting, but it works. Magnus suggests resizing the bathroom as well, as it will give the house a much bigger courtyard. The Granny Annexe’s main room is made a little larger, and soon the whole thing is done! Magnus is pleased, he really likes this kind of work! He is glad they managed to fit it all, and most of the items are removed from store and fitted back into the Annexe. The house looks different, he smiles to himself, definitely more space around!

“All we need is a bit more Simoleans, and we’ll have that extra bedroom done too,” laughs Samuel, making it sound as if the room can be ordered in the morning, rather than in a few days time… “I love the new outlook, much lighter! It’s a nice place actually, I might even accept my last Trait!” and roaring at his joke he stalks off, finding some new scheme no doubt. Magnus is left standing by himself, a sad and thoughtful look on his face. He hadn’t realised that he’d been staring after Samuel, until a slender hand appears on his arm, squeezing him close. Esther has appeared at his side. She had noticed that the Granny Annexe was in place, so she came to have a look, and to check the furnishings. Good thing too, one of the wall hangings had moved, so together they put it back in the right place. Esther is watching Magnus’ face, a little worry line on her forehead. He was just standing there, staring, and she had heard Samuel’s loud laugh. She wondered if Samuel had said something inappropriate, as tact wasn’t his strength… He could do with the Tactful Trait, or something like that, she had mumbled to herself whilst going over to Magnus to find out what happened.

She asks him whilst fluffing up the cushions on the red sofa, and Magnus smiles at her. “Don’t worry, I’m alright. It’s just something that Samuel said that made me think about lots of stuff.” He grins then, his handsome face alight suddenly, like the sun peeking round a cloud. “Samuel mentioned how nice the Annexe was, and that he might even accept the last trait, meaning retirement might come soon. It made me think about our last traits. We haven’t accepted them either, and I just felt sad. I really don’t want to get retirement notices just yet…” Magnus looks sad again, staring off into the distance. He sighs after a while, “I’m trying to be content; I’m really trying to put all life’s struggles and hurts into the right perspective, and in a way I’m alright with everything. I know I have you, and I have God living in me, but my heart still longs for a child, a son. It is hard to see Samuel and Miriam with so many children, and another one in the bassinet right now. That means that we can’t use the bassinet right now, and we will need to wait till their baby is walking round. Say we get our chance then, that means that it will still be a while before our child would be an adult, and we could move out. I really don’t want that last trait, not before we have a child…”

He looks sad, tired, and Esther feels for him. Magnus has been so desperate for a child, and although he has been more at peace about it since turning to the Sun of Righteousness, there are still moments of sadness, of course! She admits that she feels the same sadness; she too would love to have a baby in the Mortina bassinet; an heir, to carry on the Mortina Dynasty, as well as a child that welds them together, a part of both of them. Magnus looks at her and adds softly, “It’s not that I’m bitter about it, or angry. I just have this longing in my heart. These days I just pray about them, and lay them before the Lord. I loved that account you read to me the other day, about that king who had received letters, mocking him and God. I was struck by how he laid them out before the Lord and prayed over these letters that way. It just resonated with me, it was such a beautiful image, this king, bowing before God, with these hateful letters spread out before him. Some days I struggle to remain at peace though; some days I even wonder if there really is nothing I can do or say that will make God change His plan; Some days just seem so dark and sad…”

Esther hugs him, tears in her eyes. Yes, that reading had been wonderful, and encouraging too. “I know my love, I know, it is so hard to wait! Trusting God is hard sometimes, it’s hard in the valleys anyway, and I keep reminding me that He hasn’t promised us an easy journey, only a safe arrival… I cling to that. No, I don’t want the last trait either, for I’m still sure that God will give us a child. I’m trusting and waiting as best as I can, and I must admit that I try to enjoy your company as much as I can as well! These days are a gift too, and I love the time it affords us to be together!”

Magnus actually blushes a little, and his large grin turns into his hearty laugh. Esther actually feels the tears leaving her eyes, splashing onto her cheeks; that laugh! It was the very first thing she heard at that party, so long ago now! She laughs through her tears, and with a shaky voice says, “Do you remember that party at your house? Our meeting up party? Remember how I went into the house, sent in by Bjorn, to find you. I had no idea where to even start, and then I heard this wonderful laugh…and my heart just knew it was you!” They both laugh, and Magnus hugs, lifts and swings Esther, knowing it will make her shriek and beg him to set her down! He is not disappointed…

That evening, as they watch Miriam walk past the lounge with a little baby in her arm, something finally clicks in Magnus’ head. He spins round to face Esther and whispers excitedly, “I know what they are up to! I knew they had a plan! I knew it! Listen, look at their baby names, ok, first boy is…?”

Esther stares at him, like he’s lost his mind. Nevertheless, when he keeps looking at her expectantly, obviously onto some great idea, she says “It’s Albert.”

“Exactly! Next boy is Brandon, then they had little Camilla. After Camilla came Daniel. Can’t you see the pattern? A, B, C and D! They are working their way through the alphabet!” He sinks down on the sofa next to Esther, and suddenly he can’t stop laughing, he is literally rolling around on the sofa, holding his sides, laughing and groaning about a stitch in his side. When he finally is able to speak again, he says, very softly, looking over his shoulder like a conspirator, “Do you think they’re really planning to work their way through the entire alphabet?” And Magnus is off again, laughing, rolling, wriggling like an out of control snake, until he actually rolls of the sofa! That puts a stop to that, and Esther wipes her own laughter tears from her face. They both sink back into the sofa cushions, still gasping for breath, and giggles still making their way up from their stomachs. They look at each other, incredulously. “Surely they’re not aiming for twenty six children?”

Esther shakes her head, “No, I don’t think so, at least not anymore. I don’t know what their plan was originally, I wouldn’t put it past them, to be honest! Remember, the little boy after Daniel is called Tyson. I’m not sure what made them change. I know Miriam was really upset after Tyson was born. She blamed it on her makeup, said she was obviously allergic to the eyeshadow, it stung her eyes. I’m absolutely convinced she had been crying; I could tell she was struggling, laughing extra loud, talking to me in a voiced even more hyped up than usual. I’m sure something went wrong, for Samuel has actually been a lot more serious since then as well. Then this morning, “ Esther continues, although she has to swallow, as this morning’s memory is still fresh, the hurt and dejected feeling still raw. Magnus and Esther had also finished their jobs as quickly as they could, and still Miriam and Samuel had beaten them to the bassinet; it was still Samuel and Miriam’s child in the bassinet, not hers. “Well, this morning they had a little girl again, and they named her…” she gasps, looks at Magnus with large, round eyes! “Gracious, they named her Ursula!”

The giggles start again, but Magnus says, “At least….at least, ow my side hurts, at least they’re near the end of the alphabet! We might get our chance soon then, once they have a Zedekiah, or Zacharias or something!” Helplessly they cling to each other, laughing uncontrollably, knowing that their behaviour isn’t particularly mature, but somehow unable to stop it! Trust Miriam and Samuel to come up with a scheme like that! “Why on earth would they do that?” gasps Magnus in the end.

Esther sits up, wiping her eyes, “It’s the ‘Grave Injustice’ that Samuel is putting straight, I’m sure of it! He said he wanted to do something special, some grand scheme to make a difference. He talked about buying that huge building behind the Club, and round up all the ancient NPCs in town, and make them move in there, so new people can have their jobs… I’m pretty sure they have decided to send out as many young Mortinas as they can, to repopulate the town with young people, providing spouses to all sorts of desperate Sims!”

The more they talk about it, the more they are sure that Miriam and Samuel are doing exactly that! So why the sudden jump to T for Tyson? Magnus wonders if the SiMobile Government has named the baby. It doesn’t happen very often, but occasionally it does. A baby is given a name, the parents somehow don’t get to choose, and the name can’t be changed once it’ given! “Well, if they have Ursula, that means they are getting near the end of the list! Maybe we should ask them outright, you know, explain that as they still have five more letters to go, maybe we could have the bassinet first? They have six children already, they could easily take a break. I’m sure the best thing to do is to be straight with them. I don’t think they take hints very well…”

Magnus doesn’t sleep well that night, every time he wakes up a little he starts laughing again, stuffing the duvet cover into his mouth to stop his giggles from waking up Esther! They both manage to keep their faces straight though when talking to Miriam and Samuel. To their surprise, they both admit to the alphabet scheme! Magnus snorts, giggles no longer under control, and he quickly pretends to blow his nose, hoping they won’t suspect… Miriam and Samuel take it very well actually, and they apologise for claiming the bassinet all the time! They reach an agreement, as Miriam and Samuel are thinking seriously about accepting their last trait. They love the Annexe, and both have reached the end in their hobbies. Finding their jobs a lot less fun, and a lot more restrictive, they admit that retirement looks like the fun option! Magnus and Esther hardly dare to look at each other, hope mixing in with the giggles, wriggling, bubbling, looking for a chance to come out in new waves of helpless laughter.

The giggles win when Magnus and Esther are finally together in their room. They laugh and cry at the same time, feeling elated, on top of the world! Soon, quite soon, sooner than they dared to dream, they might be holding their baby!

Miriam felt so bad about their lack of sensitivity that she offers to throw them a party! Esther tries to look grateful and excited, but as it’s Miriam throwing the party, she just doesn’t know what sort of party they are talking about…. “A studio one, as it’s got some lovely art work, and we’ll make it a Cocktail Party, you know, nice posh frocks and all that! You’ll like that, and all your friends and family can come over in their finery; I might even dress proper like myself!” she had laughed her wild laugh, but she kept her word, and invites were sent out for a Cocktail Party. Magnus just hoped and prayed his family would make it this time! He hasn’t seen Bjorn for a while, or his sisters! They used to pop in very regularly when he first got married, but they haven’t done so lately. He really misses them, and he hardly dares to hope that this time they’ll make it in…

The day of the party arrives, and they all finish work early to put their glad rags on. Miriam finds a lovely shaped dress, bright red, complementing her black hair an bright blue eyes. She is obviously very excited, and leans over to Esther to say in a loud whisper that can be heard in at least two rooms, “Lucille said she might be able to come. You know, she’s just told me she is going to retire after the next Gems? Well, that really settled it for me, so I talked to Samuel about it. Lucille is my best friend, we do so much together! I can’t imagine life in SiMobile without her to laugh and hang out with! Who would I go to with stuff, you know, or have a good laugh? It’s just going to be so dull; no, I’m going to accept my trait after the party. Samuel said he didn’t mind, as he feels he’s done his bit for the Dynasty and that Justice thing; you know, the Challenge that he had taken on for that ancestor guy. So there we are, might be our last party, so I better make it a good one!” She laughs, and walks off in her bright coloured shoes, red dress visible even when you switch the light off, thinks Esther, rolling her eyes. What a bit of news though, I can’t imagine them working their way to Z, so who knows how soon Magnus and I can use the bassinet… She never knows whether it was the news or the cocktails that made the party a success!

A success it is though, as Magnus’ cousin Bjorn arrives, smiling, clapping him on the back as usual. They chat a lot, Magnus louder than usual, his loud laugh setting off other guests as well. He is thrilled when his sisters arrive, hugging them, and chatting with them, telling his llama in a bar jokes… They’re pleased to see him too, and in a rare quiet moment Magnus manages to confide in his sisters, telling them that the bassinet will soon by filled with a tiny Viking! Runa and Freya are so pleased for him, as they didn’t want to ask. They’re glad he told them though! Miriam can be heard welcoming Lucille, and those two are soon heard everywhere, stirring up fun wherever they go! They certainly don’t need the cocktails to enjoy the party, thinks Esther, looking around her home, looking at the beautiful dresses, but mainly looking at her friends. Friends who made a lot of effort to come, to be there for them, to brighten up the party with their presence, making her feel overwhelmingly grateful, her face sore from smiling and chatting. She goes from friend to friend, but never seems to manage to meet everyone present! Even when the party gets shut down, as they invariably do, the beautiful memories are there. Magnus hugs her tighter than ever that night, and whispers, “I know the sun is still there, even when you can’t see the sun. How much better to actually feel the sun, and experience the warmth and revel in its healing rays… It’s also true for the Sun you told me about, and He is shining His face on us right now, and nothing in life compares to His smiling countenance! I can feel His healing touch in my heart, bringing joy and peace and happiness…”

Stonehenge

The English countryside looks beautiful this June day. The fields are lush and green, dotted with poppies, their bright red heads nodding in the breeze. Magnus is feeling relieved; he never thought Esther would agree to come with him to Stonehenge, but here they were, travelling to the huge monument! It took some doing, but they managed to find a tiny B&B outside Amesbury, near Stonehenge. The place was going to be packed in the next few days! Magnus is glad though, however much he hates crowds, he is prepared to put up with anything and anyone on this mission! He must get back into favour with the gods, whatever the cost! Being at Stonehenge on the morning of the Summer Solstice chanting, calling out, feeling the first rays of the sun on his face might do just that!

He hasn’t told Esther, of course. He can just guess what she would think of that. She has already made it clear that she is not coming to Stonehenge in the middle of the night to watch the sun rise, but she will come a few days before that, just to see Stonehenge itself. Esther loves history, and can’t wait to see this incredible place, but she has also explained that she does not like the whole pagan idea behind it. “I’m so excited about seeing it for myself, it’s such an amazing part of historical value! I just don’t understand how they managed to build it, especially the huge stones on top! I don’t like the sun worshipping thing though, and I know not everyone there will be into that, it’s just too crowded for me.”

They decided to go a week before the Solstice stay, in a B&B for a week, and visit the stone circle on their first day. That way they get to see the place when it is a lot quieter, and in daylight. The next few days they decide to relax, visit Amesbury and Salisbury, and other interesting places. Salisbury has a beautiful cathedral, and some quaint little streets and shops. Magnus had pulled a bit of a face when he heard about shops, but Esther had reassured him. “No worries! I’m saving up all my gems,” she had smiled, “I really want to get an amazing dress, or pass on the gems to another generation for an amazing dress…” Her face had lost its smile then, as she remembered that the baby in the bassinet was not theirs; it was Miriam and Samuel’s fourth baby! Magnus had looked away quickly, worried that Esther would see the blazing anger in his eyes. Why, when I used to be so spoiled by the gods, why? Were they just taunting me then, wanting to hurt me by lifting me high, so I might fall down as low as possible?

Near the end of the morning they spot Stonehenge in the distance. The huge stone circle is set on a hill, the green rolling slopes around it bare, accentuating the circle. A mysterious feeling hangs in the air, Magnus feels, and his heart beats stronger. Surely, this will be the place to connect with the gods, and to petition them, to ask them for a son! He slides his hand in his pocket and feels the cool shape there; caressing it with his strong fingers, their finger tips hardened from strumming away on the guitar. He feels guilty, glances at Esther from the corner of his eye. In his pocket is a Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer, bought with saved up Simoleans. He has been practising very hard, earning a few extra coins when possible. Rather than adding those coins to the family budget, he kept them. I needed those coins, he thinks defensively, I needed them to make a sacrifice, to buy a token of my devotion and to gain the gods’ favour. He had managed to find a beautiful Hammer, made of solid silver, larger than the one he had hidden in the bassinet, beautifully made and heavy, its weight comforting him, calming him; the coolness of the silver shape warming his heart.

After a hearty breakfast of sausages, eggs, bacon and baked beans, Magnus feels he won’t be able to eat the rest of the day! He never gets the idea of having baked beans for breakfast, but somehow it tastes alright, especially with the bacon. They get the bus over to the visitors centre, from where another bus takes them very close to the stone circle. Esther is busy looking through the guide book, reading as fast as she can, intrigued by the history and theories around the stones. In the book it explains where the stones came from, how they got there, how they were set up, as well as lots of other details. She reads snippets of the book out to Magnus, but he only half listens to her words. His mind is rushing ahead, buzzing with anticipation. He is here, at the stone circle, where there has to be a special connection to the gods. Soon, in just a few days, he will meet here in worship, at the right moment; watching the sun come up, hitting the Heel Stone, witnessing the unique event…showing his dedication, his commitment and faith in the gods, in Thor, Frey and Freya, Odin himself… surely it will count for something! He is certain that the experience will bring peace back into his life; he is convinced that this coldness and distance will be healed, restored.

The bus stops, Esther and Magnus get off, and start up the path towards the huge stones. Although the circle is roped off, to preserve the stones, you can still see them very clearly; their age shows in the moss covering the stones. Some have fallen over, some are huge, others seem smaller, but the entire things is…breathtaking! Esther stares, and sighs, a long drawn out sighs, looking round, her eyes shining. “It’s incredible, Magnus, simply incredible! I know it explains in the book how they probably did it, but the proportions…the skill! Mindblowing, it really is mindblowing. So amazing to see their craftsmanship all these years later…” She keeps looking, taking pictures every few steps, drinking in the sight of the huge stones. Magnus does too, but with a hunger and neediness that actually surprises him a little. He can feel desperation driving him to look, to study the stones; trying to find a sign, a token of the gods’ favour towards him. He finds none, but reassures himself that it will come; next week, when he will be there to catch the first rays of the rising sun, his heart will find strength and health, and all will be well again; fortune will be restored to him and Esther; an heir will be born, he just knows it!

Magnus and Esther return to the B&B, and the next few days feel themselves relaxing, talking together, laughing at each other’s stories and just enjoying each other. “It’s like our courtship again,” Magnus grins at his wife, “I had an amazing time with you then, and this time it’s even better, for you’re my wife, and I love you more everyday!” Esther laughs, she loves Magnus, loves his handsome face and his big smile, which she had missed a little. She has been worried about Magnus. He has been quieter recently; sometimes looking a bit lost and sad, worried about something. She knows he is desperate to have a son, knows that he resents whatever Samuel and Miriam are plotting which involves the constant use of the bassinet. It saddens her, for she too would love a child. Contrary to her normal fretting and fussing, her renewed understanding of God’s providence has meant that she has been calm and at peace. Her heart just knows that she can trust God with the outcome; that somehow He is working this delay to her good, and that He is in control of her life, and that includes the little bassinet. Yes, she longs to be a mother, longs to hold a little sweet baby in her arms, and yes she does envy Miriam at times. There is no bitterness though, no anger, no fear in all of this, just a calm walking through life; a serene trust that she would never have thought possible could be hers!

The days fly past, Magnus is getting more and more tense. So much depends on that very early morning, and he just doesn’t want to imagine what could happen. He just needs to trust fate; trust that the gods will smile on him and Esther, and grant him a child. Esther smiles indulgently at her antsy husband, who is checking his bag, putting on more warm layers, checking his phone to see he still has time for a quick drink and a bite to eat. The chicken noodles taste like strings of cardboard though, and Magnus has no appetite whatsoever. He is restless, unable to sit still; constantly checking his pocket and feeling a tiny bit reassured by the little silver hammer in the palm of his hand. He struggles to keep his temper when Esther tries to joke with him, and mildly teases him about his sun dance…

Finally the time comes for Magnus to go. It’s pitch black outside, no stars, nothing to light the way, not even streetlights! Magnus gets into the waiting taxi, and soon finds himself near the stone circle again. The circle itself can’t really be seen, only the path through the long grass is illuminated, but there are a few pinpricks of light where people wave their torches. Magnus walks up to the circle, his heart beating wildly. This is it! This is what he has come for; this is the moment he has been hoping for, praying for, longing for with all his being. When he comes closer to the stones he slows down. He has to slow down, because of the huge crowd of people. There are just people standing everywhere. Magnus peers around him in the darkness, aided by the glowing torches. A tiny cold snake starts to curl itself round his madly beating heart. So many people, so many chattering voices, laughing, singing, clapping… There is no hushed reverence, as he had expected, and as he actually needed. He can’t hear incantations, or familiar chanting…only buzzing voices as if he was at a midnight feast, a midnight party.

Magnus manages to worm himself through the crowd, apologising for stepped on toes here, grunting his excuses for nudged ribs there, and finally he is closer to the stones. In the darkness he can just about make out there faint outlines, and he knows that he is as close as he is going to get. He can focus now, prepare himself, ready himself for…well, whatever it is that will happen! He clutches the little hammer in his pockets, takes deep breaths to calm his galloping heart… He stops, listens, and frowns when he hears the noise from the inner circle, the most holy part of the place. It sounds like a ‘rave’ someone said later, instead of the reverent dancing and incantations from druids and others. The cold snake round his heart has grown in size and strength it seems, and Magnus finds that he is starting to feel something akin to panic entering his heart. His hand tightens round the silver hammer even more, as he wrestles to overcome this sense of fear. “It will be fine, it will work; they will know that I came to do things properly. They will hear me, see me, restore me…”

Just before the sunrise is due the first rain drops hit Magnus’ cheeks. After ten minutes Magnus cannot tell the difference between rain or tears on his face; they have mingled together perfectly and completely. “Odin? Thor? Why? What have I done wrong? Didn’t I sacrifice, didn’t I go to great lengths, didn’t I seek all this wholeheartedly? Why…why…!” He looks at the sky, the colour of lead, rain pouring down steadily, softly… “Even the sky is crying,” he groans, “even the sky is grieved, but you didn’t hear me; you wouldn’t grant me my one wish, my one heart’s desire?” In the grey semi darkness of dawn Magnus stumbles through fields, long grasses a clear sign that the land is favoured by the gods… On and on he stumbles, the grass wet and cold against his legs, his shoes soaked in rain and mud, whispering and muttering, the main word being ‘why?’. He struggles on, downhill, further and further away from the laughing, singing crowd; further away from the shouting druids who even now are still calling out to the sun to arise. He doesn’t know where he is going, doesn’t care either. Through fields, more fields, across a large but deserted road; blinded by rain and tears Magnus staggers on.

Then he reaches the end of where he can go. He has reached the banks of a river. He can hear the gurgling noise of the river, floating by as usual, laughing at him, mocking him. Magnus yanks the hammer from his pocket, leaving his pocket in needs of repair, and with a roar as primal as Thor himself, he flings the hammer, the mjorvil into the river with all his might. “Keep it! Keep it!” He yells, and all his hopes, his dreams and expectations sink to the bottom of the flowing river like his silver mjorvil. Magnus buries his face into the wet grass, and cries; big, heaving sobs, anger and hopelessness fighting each other in his heart. When all his anger, fear and grief is spent and his tears have run their course, he drags himself to his feet. He looks around; now what? In the distance he can see the first houses, a road, cars, reality. Slowly he walks over to civilization, to normality, to Esther. The taxi driver is obviously used to weird and wonderful people around these parts of the world this time of year, for he asks no questions and makes no comment when a wet, muddy, exhausted Magnus tumbles into his cab.

Esther stares and her mouth opens, but she doesn’t even know where to start with her questions. “Oh Magnus, oh my darling sweetheart, what on earth has happened?” She rushes around, getting him clean clothes, towels, anything he might need, and switches the kettle on for some coffee. She looks at him, her strong, handsome husband, looking like a dying man, a drowning man. Poor Magnus, what has happened? She wonders if he got robbed, especially when she spots the ripped pocket. No, she thinks, Magnus would have been livid, and possibly muddy and bruised, but they wouldn’t have gotten away with it! No, something very serious has happened. Also, I don’t think there was any sunrise this morning, what with the rain that obviously has been coming down for a good few hours… Oh dear, poor chap!

Magnus won’t talk about it. After a hot bath, an even hotter cup of coffee and a huge cooked breakfast, he goes back to bed, to catch up some sleep. All he does when asked is grunt about the sun not rising, as it was raining. That afternoon they travel back home, Magnus still mute and looking as if he’s feeling sick. He stares at the fields flashing past the windows, not seeing anything but a bleak, black hole; not feeling anything apart from an icy cold snake twisted around his heart, squeezing…squeezing… until he fears that he really might be sick any moment…

Esther is worried about Magnus. They have been home several days now, and his face is still as grim as it was when he first shuffled into the room at their B&B that fateful morning. She is still in the dark about what happened at Stonehenge, apart from the fact that the sunrise didn’t happen because of the rain. One day, when tidying up the large bedroom, she decides to have another quick look at the strange little silver charm in the bassinet. To her consternation, it’s not there! It has gone, and even after she searches all round the bassinet, there is no silver shape. She sits down, thinking hard. This really has left her very curious. She knew Magnus had something on his mind when he went to the Summer Solstice thing at Stonehenge. Something went wrong there, and now the little silver shape has been taken from the bassinet. Are those two things connected?

That evening she decides to talk to Magnus; after all, his silence and woebegone face have lasted long enough… At first he won’t say much; he just grunts, shrugs his shoulder, and says, “Well, nothing happened, that is the whole point. It rained, end of story.” Esther can be very persistent though, and she just senses that something is wrong, very wrong in fact. In the end, Magnus spins round from the long window, and looks at her, his face contorted with grief, and the dam breaks, tears stream down his face, and he sinks down on the bed. “The sun wouldn’t rise, the gods wouldn’t even shine on us, on me! I needed the sun to rise, to show us favour, to restore us, to bring us fortune and health…to grant us a son..” He cries, Esther holding him tight, dismayed, stunned. Magnus, her Magnus, her larger than life Viking, heartbroken and sobbing like a lost man! She holds him, strokes him, kisses his wet cheeks, whispers her love to him. The storm passes as fast as it came, Magnus looking embarrassed; taking shuddering breaths in order to control himself once more, with Esther loving him more than ever. “The sun didn’t rise, and I feel it will never rise again for me, for us…I tried to pay the gods, give them all I could, did all I could; but they didn’t smile on me, on us.” He sighs, sounding so sad, so defeated.

He looks up at Esther, and hesitatingly says, “What about your God? Could we give Him something…you know, pay Him, do something so He will smile on us in favour?” Esther’s eyes fill with tears immediately, she hugs Magnus tight and takes a deep breath, looking for words to explain her God to her sweet husband, this brave Viking who realises that some things are beyond man’s power.

“Oh Magnus, my God can’t be bribed; he can’t be paid, as He owns all things, made all things, gives us all things. It’s like paying Him with stuff that belongs to Him already! He doesn’t need our possessions, He wants us; He wants our hearts, our minds and our strength. He wants us to live for Him, and Him only, for He wants our all; and then we will find our all in all in Him… He is called the Sun, the Sun of righteousness. You missed the sunrise at the Solstice, but He promises that unto those that fear His Name, The Sun of righteousness will arise with healing in his wings… You see, He can heal our hearts, heal and restore us. Oh Magnus, he is the Sun that will never go down, who will never leave us in the dark. We can trust Him and ask Him, any day of the year, at any time and at any place. No rituals are needed, no money is needed, only our hearts. All we need is to put our faith in Him, and in His gift to us. He gave His life, so that we might have eternal life. Don’t you see?”

Magnus does see, and he wants to trust, he really does. Fear makes him hold back though, and with a hoarse whisper he says, “Can you ask your God then? Ask Him to bring healing to us, to me? To bring peace, to shine His light on us?” They hold each other tight, tears flowing freely; healing tears this time, tears with no bitterness, no anger, tears of hope and peace. The snake in Magnus is uncoiling, loosening his heart, allowing him to breathe, to hope in a future. Magnus feels his heart warming up, light streaming in, chasing the snake, shrinking it, weakening it; and for the first time since that fateful morning, the Sun has come up, the Dayspring has arisen in his heart!

Magnus

What has gone wrong, and when did it happen? Magnus is standing in the kitchen, peering through the latticed window into the garden; absentmindedly noticing the weeds. That still needs doing as well, he sighs; just add it to the list of wrongs and troubles. He is worried, and even though he hates to admit it, in a small dark corner of his heart, he can feel a slither of fear, wriggling, growing…

Magnus tries to think back; back to before…well, before things went off track, and life ended up out of his control. He thinks of his large home, his Norse family, his beautiful mother, and something like homesickness stirs in him. “I miss you guys, I really do! Mum, I miss seeing your blue hair and your graceful way of moving. Björn, I miss your humour, your strength, your support…” Magnus stops, takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his own blue hair, and groans. “Oh great! Now I’m talking to myself, moaning, complaining, and wanting my past back. This is not good, this is so not good!”

Abruptly Magnus turns away from the large window, strides out of the kitchen, though the light lounge; he walks quickly through the foyer with the beautiful door and windows, worried a friend might come in for a chat, and slips into the hobby room, unnoticed. “This won’t do, this moping around won’t help. It’s just…I just need someone to talk to, somebody who can understand.” For a split second an image slides through his mind. The image of his sweet wife, Esther, sitting outside near the beach, smiling, looking relaxed, praying to her invisible God. He laughs, a different laugh than the rest of the family is so used to. It’s a harsh, scornful noise, one that they have never heard before. “What good would that do? Speaking to a God like Esther’s God? She insists He has everything under control, and everything is for the best. Well, I don’t see much control! How can a God who allowed Himself to be killed be of any use! I could just do with some of Odin’s acquired wisdom right now…”

Magnus picks up his guitar, and plucks away with abandon; the wild music matching the turmoil inside his heart. He loves Esther, absolutely adores her. He is even pleased that Esther worships God, as it does make her happy, and loving and to be honest, anything Esther does pleases him really. He smiles, his music mellows whilst thinking about Esther. He thinks about their meet up, the ribbing from Björn beforehand, when he had spent ages getting ready for the party. He still can hear his own words to his handsome cousin, “Well, some of us know how to make a woman happy, you know! I’m going to marry that girl, and I want to do things properly. She deserves that; any woman deserves that, so it’s worth making an effort, isn’t it? Just to please her, to look like I value her…”

Björn had laughed, and clapped him on the shoulder, so Magnus had to struggle to suppress the coughing and spluttering it caused, as Björn would laugh even more! He could tell Björn was pleased though, and even a little proud of his little cousin! His sisters had looked at him with adoration and pride, wishing him well, saying how lucky Esther was, and how he was obviously in the good books of the gods. They made little jokes about Frey, and wondered out loud what he had paid this god to favour him so much… He had laughed with them, pleased as well; feeling grand and strong. He was definitely feeling like the rugged Viking that Esther wished for.

Their courtship had been wonderful, his face aching from smiling at this beautiful girl. She seemed so frail, and he just loved the feel of her small hands; loved it that he could pick her up and swing her round, making her squeal and go helpless with giggles. He liked how she asked his advice, and he loved giving it to her, watching the worry lines on her forehead smooth out and her eyes shine at him with admiration. She made him feel a man, her protector, her keeper, her husband. His guitar is singing along with the many dreamy memories, but at the word ‘protector’ he misses a note. The memory jarred, like the dropped note, and he frowns, music deep, restless. He remembers her at the Club, just before their wedding. “Only God can protect me, ultimately. No human being can fulfill all my needs, only God can. He has everything in His control.” Her voice sweet and clear, her soft smile and shining eyes focused on him, and he felt the beginnings of resentment growing in his heart. Jealousy, envy and resentment against this God. A God that he couldn’t see, and obviously couldn’t compete with in his wife’s heart.

He forces himself to slow down, to catch his breath, to stop grinding his teeth, and especially to go easy on the guitar. “One of these days a string will break. I should have gone for the yoga hobby.” He pulls a face straight away, “Nah, not my style; those leggings…Björn would have a fit if he saw me twisting and bending in those!” The music slows down with his heart rate, the tune becoming slower and sweeter, wistful, as Magnus remembers standing over the little bassinet. In his strong hands he could feel the cold, silver hammer, Thor’s hammer. He felt the smooth leather string, and he can see himself, bending over the empty bassinet, murmuring, pleading with Thor, Frey and Freya. Pleading with anyone, really, to give him a son, a true Viking son. He had finished, feeling his pleadings were starting to become more like begging, and of course, a Viking never pleads or begs! He had been desperate, but that was something nobody needed to know, not even the gods!

Just as he had finished, and was tucking the little hammer into the bassinet, Esther had come into the room. Her eyes had caught the little silver charm straight away, and she had asked him about it. He had explained it was a Viking token; said it was just a thing they did at home. She had smiled then, her beautiful smile that melts his heart every time. “Don’t you just love family traditions?” she had gushed, hugging him, snuggling close, breathing in his manly scent. “Our family hasn’t really got that many traditions, but I love them. Maybe, once we have children…” she had faltered, blushed almost as red as her hair, and continued, “once we have children we ought to establish traditions as well, don’t you think?” Ha, she didn’t know what she was asking! Think, with her around? He had noticed how all sensible thought fled before her…!

The music twangs away, sounding more like an Irish jig, going on an on, faster and faster, his dreamy smile growing bigger and bigger. He laughs, yes, he is a man in love! He was as sure as his sisters that the gods had favoured him. He thinks of the beautiful wedding, even though it seemed endless…he got tired of the tux after a while, it was too restrictive. He couldn’t lift his arms properly, and kept tugging at the material, as if there would be more of it all of a sudden. Esther looked like a princess, his princess. He just couldn’t take his eyes off her, her auburn hair glowing like…like…burnished gold, whatever that meant! He felt it just suited her…but then, gold was more yellow, wasn’t it? Oh well, who cares, he grins, strumming away, it was glowing, her face one big smile, her green eyes sparkling and dancing with delight. Yes, the wedding…

Then things had changed, and he wondered why the gods seemed turned against him all of a sudden. Not that he had realised straight away, I mean, it could just e a coincidence of course. Take the wedding reception, for example. Miriam wanted a wild party, a cheerful one, a bit garish, with Bright and Beautiful as theme. Samuel had agreed with his wife straight away. Esther didn’t; he remembered her face, he remembered the internal struggle visible in her eyes, as she said that she preferred a classy wedding. Magnus hadn’t cared either way; he had been to lots of parties, and always enjoyed them whatever the theme. In the end, Esther was overruled, and Bright and Beautiful it was. The day of the wedding reception came, and they were all dressed up in bright clothes, even Esther. Her smile had been genuine, and as bright as her outfit.

Magnus had wondered about that, as he had seen the disappointment and hurt in her face once the decision was made. He had expected her to go for the ‘beautiful’ in Bright and Beautiful, and although she was still very beautiful, she was definitely bright! Her face looked sunkissed, her eyes shining as ever, smile matching his. He had asked her about it, in a quiet moment, just before the onslaught of guests. Her answer had astonished him, and left him speechless. “I saw you looking at me, noticing my disappointment. I remembered telling you that I believed God was in control. I then wondered myself, that if God is in control, why do disappointing things happen, bad things happen, terrible things even… So I sat near the beach, and thought, and prayed, and I remembered what God says about His control. I understood, and I know I can trust Him, even when I face disappointments or grief…”

He had been astonished, wondering if she realised what she was saying. I mean, she was very disappointed, but sitting in the grass, talking to…to the sky made her trust…this unseen God, and suddenly she was no longer disappointed, but happily changed into a bright outfit, and her life is all sunshine again? Really? He also felt a little hurt and left out. He was her husband after all, and she never really discussed her hurt feelings with him. She never asked his advice on this party; she didn’t ask him how to deal with Miriam’s wild ideas. No, instead, she goes and finds a quiet spot to talk to her God. Magnus feels the resentment against this God growing, jealousy easily recognised now.

The party was a flop. Lots of people turned up; they actually reached level ten in no time, but hardly any of their friends were there! Magnus plays the guitar wilder and wilder, his heart beating as wild a rhythm as the guitar. “Not even Björn…or the girls… or anyone from my family made it! Even Esther’s stroppy sister Eva didn’t get in! Well, where was Esther’s God that day then? Why didn’t He control the party? What good was there in keeping our friends away, and just letting a bunch of strangers turn up?” Magnus feels the hurt, the grief still in his heart. He misses his family, and he had been so much looking forward to this party, desperate to show off his wonderful wife. He had planned out in his head what he would say to Björn, as long as Esther wasn’t nearby of course. Certain things you can tell your cousin, but without any ladies in earshot…

He sighs, still sad; disappointed in the party, although they did have a good time. He suddenly grins, of course they had a good time! Nobody will have a dull moment with Miriam and Samuel Vince around…let alone a dull party! He knew Miriam was a bit wild, but he’d never seen her at a party…goodness, poor Samuel, he’s got his hands full, he grins. Not just with Miriam and her outlandish schemes, but with his growing family as well. Samuel and Miriam have three children already! Every time the bassinet is empty they rush over, and claim the bassinet…again. Both Magnus and Esther have tried to be there first, but Miriam and Samuel seem absolutely determined, giggling, and laughing their wild laugh. No children have been granted to Magnus and Esther yet, in spite of their burning desire to have a family; a family of tiny, cute Vikings.

The grin drops, and so does the guitar. He manages to put the guitar on the stand, and walks as fast as he can without drawing attention to himself to the blue bathroom, hoping it is empty. There, in the quiet bathroom, he moans, leaning his head against the cool tiles. He hits his fist over and over on the tiles, groaning and gnashing his teeth to modulate his grief; grief that is rushing over him, drowning him, suffocating him. “Why, God, why…if You are there, and if You do care and love us, why… How can You stand by, how can You allow this to happen to us? Why…why! Is it because of me? Is it because I put the Mjölnir in the bassinet?”

He stops, gasps, and goes completely still. Not a sound can be heard, just the soft drip drip drip from the tap… He thinks about the little silver charm…wonders about it, mulling it over. He leans his head against the cold tiles, can still smell the very faint smell of new grout, and it makes him smile just a little. Esther had confessed to putting in the new tiles, to make it feel more Scandinavian, she had said. He sighs, allowing the coolness to calm him down, making it easier to think. He has to think; he has to weigh up his thoughts. It’s how he works; it’s how he deals with issues, and this is a huge matter; one that needs extra careful deliberation.

Mjölnir, Thor’s hammer, was the little silver amulet he had hidden in the bassinet. Was Esther’s God angry with him about that, and was that why He was punishing them both? Could that be it? Did her God need more sacrifices, more payment to be appeased, so both Thor and his other Norse gods would be happy as well as Esther’s God? Was it nothing to do with her God after all, and had he offended the Norse gods instead? How can he please them, pay them, bribe them even if necessary! Then he realises that it’s June, near the end of June…Midsummer Solstice…maybe…just maybe, there might be a chance; who knows, if he can please the gods at say, Stonehenge at the Summer Solstice, maybe they will grant him a son… Just maybe! Now to convince Esther to accompany him to Stonehenge…!

Samuel

Who knew that one little boy could make such a difference to a person. Victoria Mortina stands in the doorway to the blue bedroom, staring at the little bassinet. The same bassinet that has sheltered and housed every single Mortina baby; ever since Danielle and Ricardo Mortina started their family. In the bassinet, fast asleep, his ginger hair reflecting the light, tiny balled fists next to chubby cheeks, is the ninth generation of Mortinas. Her son, her precious little Gift, Samuel. Or rather, Samuel Vince Mortina, for he isn’t just any baby. He is the Mortina who will carry on the fight for Justice.

Victoria blushes a little. It’s not only every day life that has changed, with the feeding and changing and all the rest of the Bundle of Joy activities needed to make sure that Samuel will get a three star Good Upbringing trait. That is a priority at the moment, of course, and even though he is just a tiny baby, he has got one star already; Chris and Victoria have made sure of that! No, it’s not just the daily care for Samuel that has changed, she has changed too.

Chris used to bore her silly with his endless rants about Injustice, and Destiny, and all his self importance, and his victim stance, his constant fussing about being misunderstood by the whole of Sims Mobile, and how difficult his life was. Now she finds herself remembering more and more of his endless litanies. Looking at the tiny Samuel, she can feel some of the excitement that Guinevere must have felt, looking at Little Chris. “No wonder she always called him ‘Little Chris’ even though he is by no means the smallest Mortina,” Victoria smiles.

Yes, she actually smiles about it now, whereas only a year ago it used to make her cringe. In the end it got so bad that Victoria just had to leave the room whenever Guinevere started off on one of her ‘Little Chris’ stories. It just made her so mad, the endless stories about all Chris’ doings, and the way he was talked about, as if he was going to save the Mortina race, at least the race belonging to ancestor Chris… Now she finds herself daydreaming, seeing Chris and Samuel standing up for justice together. Maybe they will lead a petition at the Court..mmmm, not so heroic, you just fill in some forms. With Victoria actually working there they don’t even need to go to the civic centre, she can just take it in to work with her.

Well, maybe they can do a protest in the market square? Not very many important people passing through, she objects, and it would look a little silly, just standing there. On the other hand, both of them have just received their last trait. Little worry lines appear, whilst she carefully straightens Samuel’s blanket. Having all their traits will mean retirement soon after Samuel grows up, no doubt. Of course, they can delay their retirement for a while, but then that would prevent Samuel from fulfilling his…his destiny, I suppose, she realises with a shock.

“Oh dear,” she whispers, sitting down on top of the blue bedspread, “oh dear, I’m starting to sound like Chris…and his Mum! Am I going to be as obsessive as them? Will I be nagging my little Samuel with Destiny, Justice and Restoring the Line, like Guinevere did to Chris? Oh Lord, please protect me and him from doing that! How awful if I put the same kind of pressure on Samuel!”

It was a busy time for Victoria. Many of her friends that she had grown up with were all taking retirement. She felt sad, and a bit lost, knowing that she wouldn’t see their familiar faces around anymore. Even some of her relatives are retiring, and she stand on the doorstep, watching them walk off, out of her life, and feels her stomach getting heaver and heavier. “Bye David, bye Alex,” she whispers, swallowing tears and with the tears the funny squashed feeling in her throat. “What will I do at parties without you guys there to have a chat? It will be so strange! Who do I talk to?”

Well, that is nonsense of course, she recovers herself, tugging at her bright green top, a reminder to be strong, to stand for what is right. “You have been to lots of parties,” she reminds herself in her sternest voice, “and you always find somebody to chat to. You have even been to parties where you didn’t really know anybody. Remember the last one you went to, Taylor Mason’s party! It was great, so many art lovers there…” It had been a great party, one that Victoria had never been to before, but Taylor was going to retire soon, and wanted to have one more party, so Victoria went, and had a great time. It did lead to words with Chris when she came back, and described the children’s bedroom at Taylor’s house. Chris was not amused, and felt that she was trying to make him feel bad for not having built a special room as big and bight as the one at her friend’s house!

David and Alex had told her about some of the others ready to retire; the one that stunned her the most being Sierra! Sierra Chisholm, retiring? Who had ever dreamt that would be possible! So when Sierra pops in for a moment, obviously on her way to something, she isn’t as shocked as Sierra was clearly hoping she was going to be.

“Well, you won’t be retiring yet, not with a baby,” says Sierra, lifting one eyebrow in her well known manner, “I can’t imagine Chris wanting anymore kids now he has got someone to carry on his world saving mission… Mind you, having an only child with such lofty ideals set before him is bound to turn it into a spoiled brat. You’ll probably be quite relieved you’ll only have the one child to deal with. Less damage…”

Victoria had gone very red and could feel herself starting to shake with anger and hurt, but Sierra had flounced off, waving over her shoulder, “Must be off, lots to do before I take life a bit easier…” Victoria was left standing on the doorstep, hot and bothered, too angry to speak. Of all the cheek…! She soon gets over her anger though, as holding tiny Samuel in her arms melts her heart, and makes her forget the whole of Sims World! She loves to sing to him, and watch his little face light up when she makes cooing noises. He is such a beautiful baby, so lively and has such bright eyes, that by the time the birthday cake appears, Victoria is convinced that Samuel is special.

“You see,” she explains to Chris, “I do worry about putting pressure on him, especially when he is so small, like your mum did to you. I’m not talking about that, but I do think that he is a very special child. The way he looks, and the speed with which he reacts to everything, I think that’s amazing. I am convinced that he is really going to make a difference in Sims Mobile.”

Chris couldn’t have been happier. All his life he had been prepped to make a difference, to Restore justice, to…to fix the Mortina Family Line. With his little son, it looked like he had done just that! He felt the sense of relief as well, relief that it wasn’t actually something he still had to accomplish, but rather, he had done it already! He felt happier than ever, and was beginning to feel that tiny spark of job satisfaction that comes from a task completed. He leaned back, watches Victoria hold his baby son, and a warm, tingling feeling starts at his feet, and works through his body, till it culminates in a beaming smile.

“I’ve done it, Mum, I’ve done it,” he whispers, “I’m not a failure, I haven’t let you down, nor Ancestor Chris for that matter… I have provided Sims Mobile with a son. My beautiful Vince, well, Samuel Vince, will Restore Justice. Not just for Ancestor Chris, but also for Ancestor Vincent, the one that…well, the tragic one…” Of course, Samuel was still tiny, but children grow up with the speed of lightning in Sims Mobile it seems, and birthday icons appear out of nowhere before you know it!

Samuel grows up, of course, Victoria knew it would happen sooner rather than later. He is a cute little boy, and she loves to watch him. “Don’t you think he really looks different in that top?” she asks Tabitha one day. Tabitha looks at her strangely and then averts her eyes quickly.

“No, I don’t,” she says softly, after a very awkward moment, “he looks just like any other Mortina boy I have seen in this family, whether it is this generation, our generation, or any generation. They all looked like little Samuel. I know to you he is special, you’re his mother, but don’t go down the line of worshipping him, and spoiling him.”

Victoria blushes violently at these words, and has to look away, horror written all over her face, shock widening her eyes. Spoiling him? She hears Sierra’s voice again, when she came to say goodbye, assuring her that her darling Samuel would grow up into a spoiled brat…! That mustn’t happen, and she is sure that it can’t happen. Samuel is such a smart little boy, and so handsome already…

It niggles away at Victoria though, and she decides to watch out for any signs that Samuel is being spoiled. She spends the rest of the day not just feeding and playing with Samuel, but also looking for any signs that he is becoming a spoiled little boy. That evening she talks about it with Chris, as she is starting to get a little concerned, now that she has observed Samuel a bit closer, but feels that as Samuel’s mother she might not be the best person to recognise the signs. She looks at Chris, a little unsure how to bring this up, without upsetting him.

“I watched Samuel today,” she begins, twisting her fingers, then realises she is wearing her favourite green top, which is showing signs of too much usage, and takes a deep breath, drawing in strength as well as air. “I watched him react to things he dislikes, and really, he went nuts! Do you think we should be concerned? He is really very demanding, you know, and he has such a temper….”

Victoria stops, as she can see Chris’ matching temper rising too. “Well, what did you expect?” he says, his voice already on edge, “He has a Destiny in life, you know, there is a Mission ahead. He’s not just any sort of kid, who can just wander through life, collecting his handful of traits, getting level ten in careers and hobbies, and then just pass into retirement, never to be heard of again! My son, our son, well, he is Special, he…he needs all the strength of character he can grow, and he will need sheer determination, stamina and will power to undo a Grave Injustice…” Chris stops, out of breath, glaring at Victoria, daring her to disagree, to belittle his son or his calling in life.

Victoria sighs to herself, but smiles at Chris, putting her hand on his arm, calming him, reassuring him, and says soothingly, “Of course I know all that, but you see, my family were heroes too, in fact, I helped out with various missions,” she plucks at her bright green top with her free hand, smiling at the distant memories now, “but we were always told that being strong is not the same thing as being pushy. It is easy to be forceful, to hit people over the head with a big stick, but it’s a different matter altogether to have strength of character. That is what makes a hero.”

“There is a Bible verse that says, ‘He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that rules his spirit is better than he takes a city’ so I know it’s important to have self control, and I do believe that it is important that Samuel learns that. I know he is a darling little boy, and I do agree that he is very, very special, but if he grows up without strength of character, he will bring heartache and harm to the Mortina Line, rather than restore the Line. I know he has the makings of a great man, a great warrior for justice, but if his temper is untamed, he will be a walking disaster.”

She looks straight at Chris, sees his frown, the blazing eyes, but her steady gaze, her calm face and sweet smile conquers, and in the end she can see his anger ebbing away. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and nods. “Yes, yes, I know you are right, I just want him to do well…I love him, and I just know that he will be special, and I want him to succeed in whatever he does. I know he needs steering carefully, I don’t want his spirit squashed, but I can see he needs the right kind of upbringing.”

This is easier said than done. Samuel is a very strong willed little boy, with a flaming temper to match his fiery hair, sparkling green eyes full of zest for life, and a cheeky grin. His ideas are as wild as his hair, and his parents look at each other in despair several times each day… What will become of their sweet little darling, when he isn’t little anymore? Victoria doesn’t know, but she is determined to be the best mother she can be for this vibrant little boy! How grateful she is every day for this little bundle of joy, this wriggling mass of chubby arms and sturdy legs, this wonderful boy with a zest for life that infects the most dour person around him! Samuel, a fitting name for the daily reminder that God had heard her prayers!

Advice

It is still early, the day hardly started. Victoria yawns, pads over to the post box, collecting the Special Events money on her sway. Such hard work, those special events, especially as most of them are done overnight. They can be six hours long, so to do them in the day is hard. She feels tired and wonders if she’ll have to smile a lot today, or whether she can just hide out somewhere and rest.

When she passes the lounge she can see little Esther staggering round already. She looks the spitting image of Eva at that age, in fact, it’s almost impossible to tell them apart at that age! She sighs, sadness crawling in past her defences. The fact Esther is up and about means that the bassinet is empty, waiting for a baby. Our baby, whispers her heart, our baby should be in there!

The post does nothing to improve her mood. In it is an information card from Sims Mobile Government that she and Chris both have started on their last trait, which means that in just a day or so they’ll be able to choose the last trait, work a bit longer, and the dreaded retirement notice will pop up! She sits down on the richly upholstered chair in the foyer, her legs jellified, heart beating wildly. She wanted a baby, wanted it so badly! Now it looks like it will never happen, she’ll be old and grey and retired, without ever carried a child, without having anyone call her Mummy.

She feels the resentment and anger against Chris growing, feels angrier with herself still. Surely she could have found a way to talk to him, how could she have let it happen? She knows it is because of his rages and tears that she has left it. She hates how he dissolves in tears, blaming the whole world, drowning in self pity. She hates the scenes, so she has avoided any issues that might cause a meltdown. She knows it’s the way of least resistance, and is disappointed in herself. “You know how he shouts though, and what with the others in the house… I can’t let it happen, what would his Mum say or think if I upset her son that way? What kind of a wife drives her husband that mad? They will all think I’m a bad influence on Chris, that I’m no good and incapable of handling him. What else could I do?”

She looks at the notices again, knowing their time will be up quite soon, and as they have no young children or other dependants, they have no reason to delay retirement, which means that they will be made to retire well before anyone else. Well before Richard and Tabitha for example, who have still got very young children, and can therefore delay their retirement without any problems. What to do? She feel stuck, stuck in a position she got herself into, but then, what else could she have done? Have endless shouting matches? Drive Chris over the edge, seeing how fragile his mental health is anyway? Go to the Court, and get a lawyer to draw up papers, but then, would Chris listen to papers any more than he would to a person?

She stares at the dark red wallpaper, thinking back over the years that she has been married to Chris. Victoria remembers the good times, for Chris can be great fun, but the gaps between good times are getting longer it seems. She breathes out, trying to release some of the stress that she can feel growing inside her. Sleeping is getting harder and harder, anger, resentment, frustration and yes, and hate, growing inside her at night, when she lies down next to Chris. A peacefully sleeping Chris, snoring away, unless somebody has upset him… Then he moans and complains, and keeps repeating how misunderstood he is, and how nobody loves him. He will constantly tell her that he has a task to fulfil, and that not a single person in Sims Mobile is supporting him. After a few hours of that, she can’t she can blame people!

When he does doze off after a bit, she has been tempted to put a pillow over his face, but stopped herself, as she knows it will go wrong, apart from any ethical questions. Nothing seems to stop or change Chris! “Lord, I don’t know what to do, I fear I’m starting to hate him, and I’m desperate to have a child. I know the anger towards Chris is mostly anger against my own weakness, Lord, but what else can I do? What should I do now? I have nobody to talk to, the house is full of people, and I have never been so lonely in my life! Please help!”

That morning Victoria learns a very valuable lesson: be careful what you pray for…!

The first thing that happens is that straight after breakfast both sets of grandparents announce quite calmly that they’re moving out! Of course, the move had been planned for ages, but it still comes as a shock. Secretly, Victoria is relieved to see Guinevere and Sebastian go. They were very friendly, and Guinevere has been very helpful, but they also have an unhealthy influence on their Little Chris, as they still call him.

Guinevere in particular is always concerned that Chris has everything he needs. “Make sure you don’t cook his beans to long, he doesn’t like them too dark green.” Once she even said, “I hope you’re not thinking of cutting your hair? Chris really doesn’t like women with short hair.” Victoria had smiled, of course, and only rolled her eyes and pulled a nasty face once she knew she was all by herself in the bathroom…

Now Guinevere is going, and although they might still visit, this is highly unlikely, and Chris will have no way of contacting his mum. Sims Mobile Government don’t approve of children contacting their parents once they have moved into the retirement homes, so unless they bump into her in the market, it’s very unlikely that he will see Guinevere again! Chris is very upset, hugging his Mum, crying on her shoulder, repeating over and over, “What do I do to fulfil my destiny now? Who will help me now? Can’t you just stay? Just don’t accept the birthday cake letter?”

Fortunately, even Guinevere can see how impractical that would be, so, before the day is over, Victoria is living in a much calmer house. It’s incredible how different it feels! Sebastian was very quiet, and kind, Guinevere was friendly, but it feels as if the air in the house has lifted. Victoria even senses a change in Chris. He doesn’t seem such a victim that lunchtime, and actually discusses some things in a very rational manner! Victoria doesn’t want to count her chickens yet, but it looks as if Chris has finally grown up just a tiny bit…long may it last!

The next answer to her prayer comes in the form of two of her friends. Afterwards she chuckles to herself, yes, beware of what you pray for, you might not like the answer…! It started soon after lunch. Friends often pop in for a chat, or a cup of tea, and they all enjoy it. Apart from Chris, of course, who says it cramps his style. After lunch Tabitha spots Victoria McDonnell standing just outside, checking her phone. Tabitha is busy, so she sends Eva to call Victoria in. Eva dutifully goes outside and says to Victoria, “My Mum and Auntie are inside, doing their hobbies. Mummy asks if you would like to come in for a bit?” She shows Victoria to the hobby room, where the yoga mat is, and the hatch to the kitchen. In that way, Victoria McDonnell can visit with Tabitha as well as Victoria, her aunt…

Tabitha’s hobby is cooking, which takes her all round the kitchen, using the red mixer, nuking things in the blue microwave. Then there are the three children, Eva, Theodore and toddler Esther, who keep popping in and out of the kitchen, asking for this, wanting that, needing all sorts of things, mostly attention… That leaves Victoria, who is confined to her little pink yoga mat. She can pretend to be bending, stretching, leaning, but there is only so much you can do that, and of course, it’s all very slow moving. There is plenty of time to listen to Victoria McDonnell of course, and no excuse or way to avoid her.

Victoria McDonnell is a straight talker, as Victoria knows, and her heart sank when she came into the hobby room. It starts soon after their guest arrived, whilst Vitoria K was trying to do an awkward stretch. Victoria watches her for a bit, looks at the kitchen where Tabitha is sorting out a snack for Theo, and says, “Well, the family bassinet is empty, isn’t it? So when are you and Chris starting a family? I mean, you’ll be getting your last trait soon, won’t you? For as long as I remember you’ve wanted a family, so when is it going to be?”

Victoria K plops down on the yoga mat, her breath leaving in one big whoosh. Really Lord, this is Your idea of getting someone to advise me? She groans, why did I even ask? She looks at Victoria, nope, the girl isn’t going anywhere, she sighs. She sits up, looks over to where Chris sits writing, and shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know,” she says, and suddenly her eyes fill with tears! Victoria McDonnell is there straight away, hugging her, helping Victoria to her feet.

Over a cup of proper English Breakfast tea, Victoria K explains how sad she is, how desperate for a child, and how Chris tends to lose it when she mentions it. Victoria McDonnell listens intently, and agrees that it can look like the easiest option is to go for peace. “Girl, you need to make up your mind though. Now his parents are gone, things might be easier, I mean, you need to do what is right, and you’re his wife, not his doormat, you know!”

Yes, Victoria knows, but even so, she hates confrontations, always believes stuff will solve itself, which it often does, Chris being the exception, it turns out… Victoria McDonnell stays a little longer, hugs Vitoria goodbye, and encourages her to really follow her heart in these matters, to push through, and to trust that everything will work out in the end. “You’re a very strong woman, I know you can do this. Chris does love you, I’m sure, and with his parents gone he will need you a lot more as well. Give it a shot, woman, give it a shot, I’m sure it will be ok! After all, what are a few broken plates, or a hole punched wall if you can get him to see sense?” She laughs, and goes off, beautiful, glamorous, wearing skimpy clothes and still looking stunning…how does she do it, wonders Victoria K, I would just look a tart dressed like that, and she manages to look amazing…!

The next one coming up to the house actually makes Victoria look up to the sky and say, “Really? This is NOT what I had in mind when asking for help…!” It’s Vivien, Vivien Leigh in all her splendour, striding along the pavement, making you look behind her to find her courtiers, or maids, or anyone waiting on her. She is so beautiful and stunning, yet so kind and understanding, with an amazing grasp of life, you just want her to be your friend. Just to feel supported, and seen as a person, and accepted.

She goes out to meet Vivien, and Vivien comes to the point straight away. She tells Victoria that she heard about her wish for a family, and the moods that Chris gets himself into, and that she decided to come and see her. After all, that is what friends are for, aren’t they? This is true, and Victoria feels helpless at this, as she did ask for a friend, but so soon… Not today, though, Victoria groans, not today, I don’t think I can take it if she asks me why I haven’t taken Chris to the cleaners yet… What will she think of me? She would never be that weak and mouse like, and she will despise me, and probably laugh her beautiful laugh, and I will feel a frump and…and… Oh Lord, really?

Vivien doesn’t laugh at all, and she certainly doesn’t look like she despises Victoria either. She smiles, and puts her fine, gloved hand on her shoulder and says, “Victoria, dear, you are a beautiful woman, and you have been a very good wife to Chris. You have been kind to him, shown understanding and acceptance where many women would have run a mile already. Don’t you think it’s time to use up the credit you have built with him, and talk to him? Yes, he might go off the deep end, but that is his choice, his responsibility. You are his wife, not his mother, and he is an adult. You are not responsible for his actions, he is. You need to point that out to him, if necessary. Now, he needs to grow up. All this talk about destiny and Restoring Justice, well, it’s just that: talk. I’m sure you will know how to deal with it all. You see, Greta and I were talking about it the other day with Clara, and she said, ‘She needs to remember what she was created for’ so you see, I’m sure you can do this!”

Vivien glides away majestically, leaving Victoria staring after her, deep in thought. “Yes,” she says to herself, “yes, they are right. I have actually forgotten. I have forgotten that people are created in the image of God, and nobody therefore has a right to look down on me, to treat me like I’m worthless! I know I’m precious, and yes, I need to speak to Chris, we need to solve this!”

Victoria wears a green top when she goes to speak to Chris. Somehow it helps her, as it reminds her of her superhero suit that she used to wear before she got married, before she somehow gave up her identity! They have a very long talk, Chris in tears at first, and angry, but when Victoria stands strong, the amazing thing happens! Chris draws from her strength, and starts to listen to her, and to actually think about his life, his choices, his real destiny as husband, and his need to be a father as well, unless he wants the Mortina Line to end on another Chris Mortina?

Victoria smiles to herself, nuzzling the red downy head, rocking gently, holding the most precious gift she could ever have, a gift she thought she had missed out on for ever. Her son, her precious, special sweet little son, Samuel Vince Mortina. Samuel, because she had asked him from the Lord, Vince because he is named after one of the ancestors who met a tragic end, which is another story in itself. Her dream has come true, her hopes are fulfilled, her heart overflows, “Sleep, my baby, sleep! You are my little treasure, I love you more than I thought possible!”

Clouds

Victoria watches her sister in law from the corner of her eye. It is only when her muscles start to tremble that she realises that doing a bendy dog whatever, and staring, eavesdropping, at the same time is not what yoga was made for. She straightens up, and does another move, who knows what it’s called. She is not into yoga at all, but needs to stay fit and trim, healthy…

She breathes out, more a sigh than a breath, and leans over, to hide her tears, hoping they won’t actually let go of her eyelashes and drop onto the mat. “How sad my life has become,” she sniffs, “when did that happen?” Then she takes another breath, and speaks to herself in a totally different voice, “Come on Victoria, what is going on? Having your surname changed isn’t the same as having a total personality makeover, old girl! You know you’re fine, you love Chris…mostly…well when he is in one of his rare happy moods anyway. Oh dear, here we go, right, try that one again: you love Chris, you get on really well with your kind cousin, you get on pretty well with your cousin’s wife Tabitha, the inlaws are ok, ehm, well, come on woman, keep counting your blessings!”

She sighs, this really isn’t working at the moment. It should though, she is normally such an optimist. Getting married, moving in, they are big events, and then that awful disease, Llama Flu, that hit cousin Richard…she shudders, and can still feel the stress, the fear, right deep inside her. She thinks back to those days, straight after their double wedding, and can still picture Tabitha’s face, eyes, staring, fear vibrating off her in huge waves. She was so scared herself as well. She has always been very fond of strong cousin Richard, and moving into this household didn’t seem such a massive deal with him under the same roof. The idea of him so ill, and possibly dying, scared her witless, as by then she was starting to get tiny inklings of the support she might need and want.

The first tiny ripples in her Pond of bliss came during the Wedding Event itself, and were totally unexpected. She was feeling regal and beautiful in her white wedding gown, Chris looked smashing in his tux, smile in place as it had been all during their courtship, engagement and still was now in the wedding. The change in his face came when they discussed having a family. She thought it was a nice intimate thing to chat about, you know, test the waters a bit, try and get onto the same page if possible.

She was not prepared for the dramatic shift in his mood though. “Kids?” he had growled, yes, growled! His voice sounded weird and angry and…scary! “What do you want to talk about kids for? We’re not even married, are we? Can’t I just enjoy you for a while, you know, just me and you, without having little kids crawling all over the place? Do you know how much energy and time they suck up? How can I concentrate on my calling with demanding kids around?”

He had stormed off, leaving her standing near the arch, too shocked to speak, too bewildered to move! Was this Chris? The same guy she had spent all that time with, the happy, smiley, charming guy? She had gone inside, trying to look busy and involved, smiling at the others, hoping that they hadn’t registered Chris’ absence. He had been back after half an hour, charming as ever, smiling at her, as if nothing had happened. She struggled, couldn’t change faces that quickly! He had been annoyed, she remembered, and had actually rolled his eyes at her!

“I’m here now, and talking to you, aren’t I?” he had sighed like a martyr, “I know you’re trying to make me feel guilty, and you probably feel I should be grovelling before you, begging your acceptance or whatever. Well, I won’t. I think it’s dreadful the way you try to manipulate me into apologies!”

She could feel her face going hot, even now, thinking back about the incident. “I should have known,” she mumbles whilst stretching the other way, “I should have run a mile then and there! I didn’t, I was sure it was just nerves.” It soon became clear that nerves were nothing to do with it, for as soon as they were securely married, he changed. In fact, Victoria hardly recognised him most of the time. When she mentioned it to her Mum, she had just smiled at her.

“Most men change once they are married, dear. There is nothing to worry about, I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s probably nervous as well, and with cousin Richard so desperately ill, well, no wonder Chris is a bit unsettled!”

Victoria had felt very alone, sure that it wasn’t just the normal change in a man after he has gotten married. She felt the change was too monumental for that, it was like a totally different man altogether. They way he glowered from morning till night, and sneered when she talked to him, dismissing anything she said offhand. Also, she felt sick and tired of his victim stance after just a few weeks. “Honestly, if he mentions Injustice or Restoring a Great Wrong one more time, I might just scream! It’s amazing how he manages to bring it up so many times a day! He is just obsessed with the whole idea of bringing justice for this ancestor, for restoring whatever went wrong. All it means is that one guy didn’t see his children take over the house. Not particularly a massive deal with this house if you ask me!”

After a while the constant moans and groans from Chris were starting to get to Victoria, something she would never have thought possible. He is so paranoid, she whispers whilst trying to get herself into a triangle shape. No wonder I’m getting paranoid too! Where has the real Victoria gone? She walks off quickly, and pretends to go to the gold bathroom. She washes her face, spending as much time as possible in the bathroom, whilst trying to find her smile back. “I mustn’t give in,” she whispers sternly to the pale face staring back at her in the mirror, “I really mustn’t give in. Or give up hope for that matter. I’m sure he’ll change back sometime, I’m sure I can help him, after all, without children he won’t be able to undo the whole ancestor thing, will he? He needs children, I just wished he wouldn’t be so hateful all the time…”

Watching Tabitha and Richard have their sweet daughter Eva had made things worse. As soon as Eva was born and started to get too big for the bassinet she had mentioned having a family again to Chris. He had exploded with rage, leaving her in tears. When he had calmed down enough to stop yelling he had justified his aversion against children. “Can’t you see how Tabitha dotes on that child? Can’t you see how she smiles at her, hugs her, and only has eyes for the girl? What about Richard? What husband wants to share his wife? I don’t want you to look at another person like that. I want you to only look at me in that way!”

After that he had become more and more suspicious. “Why are you so keen to have a family?” he had asked. “Have you got plans or something? Have a handful of kids, and then rush back to your fancy mansion, taking my children with you? Is it that I’m not good enough for you? Do you need children to make you feel better?”

Victoria had tried to placate him, making it worse. “Of course not, Chris, I love you, you know that? I really didn’t mind giving up the Knight house for you, I’d follow you anywhere, to any sort of house!”

That had not gone down well, she still grimaces thinking about the storm that had broken over her head at those words. Chris in tears, sobbing that nobody loved him, that he was never accepted for who he was, that even Victoria now said that his house wasn’t good enough for her and that she only lived here out of duty, sacrificing everything for Chris. Didn’t she know how that made him feel, why was she so hateful, manipulating him, forcing him to spend more and more hours at the office in order to earn a high enough salary to satisfy Victoria’s demands?

She stands on the pink yoga mat, and can still feel the shakes, and the cringing feeling in her stomach. What could she say to that? He hasn’t said very much about it since then. She has seen his mood deteriorating though, especially since Theodore was born a few weeks after the incident. Victoria daren’t bring the subject of children up again. She knows with the bassinet filled up, she won’t be able to have a child anyway. What is the good of setting Chris off again?

She struggles through the next few moves, watching Tabitha, feeling despair licking at the edges of her heart. Tabitha, about to have another sweet baby, smiling, and obviously on top of life, enjoying time with Richard and their beautiful children. A third child! “It is so unfair,” she groans, “so unfair, I could just cry for weeks. Why should they have three, and I can’t even have one? Not by choice either, at least not my choice! I can see them looking at me, wondering why we haven’t asked for the bassinet before. I have to smile at them, pretend life is hunky-dory, and our marriage is wonderful and living in this house is like…like living in a bed of roses. I miss my mansion, I miss my family, the beautiful carpets, the bubble blower, friends popping in and out. All I have is a miserable husband, too grumpy for words, sour and bitter, only concerned with his Destiny, mumbling about justice, never once thinking of anybody else…”

“I am desperate, Lord, I am so desperate to just have a child. I have three traits already, what if times runs out? Lord, please, change something, anything! Change Chris, change me, change whatever is needed, but please God, just give me this one child. I just need something to hold, something warm, something that belongs to me. I need someone to love, unconditionally. I am just so alone, and so unhappy! The worst part is that everybody expects me to smile and be upbeat. I can’t take it anymore, Lord, please help me!”

Victoria wants to trust, to be accepting, even accepting Chris and his bizarre moods and anger issues, but it’s getting harder and harder. She just busies herself with her yoga, hoping it will keep her in shape, keeping her strong enough to carry a little one, even when she will have all her traits if it comes to that! They all are busy with their hobbies most days, and Richard just loves his piano. The sad truth is, Chris loves the piano, he loves the kitchen, and he has chosen writing, because he loves it… The fact is that Chris tends to love whatever somebody else likes, especially when he can’t have it! He chose to be a writer, explaining that it was part of his Destiny, his Quest for Justice, that he would need to let the whole of Sim World know how he was going to rectify the Grave Injustice done to his ancestor. So Tabitha decided to do the cooking hobby.

“Well, I will need the kitchen a lot as the table is large, and I don’t think it will be a good idea for you to work in the kitchen when I’m trying to concentrate.” He had protested that Tabitha would squash his Gift, and that of course, she wouldn’t understand how important his lifework was, that nobody understood him, least of all his family! He had sulked and moped about for a week or so, until Victoria had chosen the yoga hobby. That had really set him off, exclaiming that he could not cope with being shamed by his wife. He wondered what he had done in his life that made people hate him so much, that all he got from everybody was contempt, and everyone was out to block him on his mission.

Victoria had sighed, then dressed her face in her widest smile, and moved the mat as near the kitchen as she could. She had explained that she had to take up a hobby, and that having a fit, trim, healthy wife would surely be an asset on his Quest. He had grumbled at that, eyeing her suspiciously, studying her bright smile to see if he could spot scorn anywhere. By now, however, Victoria could blank out any hateful or spiteful or disgusted feelings for this man, with a perfection that stunned even herself! He didn’t spot anything, so the grumbling went back down to the normal, daily rumblings, and normality as Victoria had come to know it was restored.

That is, until Richard chose the Piano hobby…! Chris had ranted and raved for ages, furious with Richard for taking up such a creative hobby. “You need a genius to play the piano well, everybody knows that. It should be part of my calling, my destiny, to play the piano. How can I write and put my thoughts into words for the whole world to benefit when someone who didn’t even carry over his Good Upbringing trait is banging away, pretending to be a playful plunker! Right next to my desk too, I can’t even hear my own thoughts or inspiration, and I know he just did it to mock me. He has never liked me, and always tried to belittle my existence in this house, and now he is doing his best to destroy me completely!”

Victoria sighs, she is aware of how much the other do despise Chris. He brought it on himself though, as none of them started out that way. In fact, most of them feel quite sorry for him, the only child of a rather obsessive mother and old father, he didn’t have an easy life as a child. On top of that, his Mum filled his head with talk of his destiny, and how he had to restore justice for his ancestor Chris, and how he was set apart to do great things. No wonder he is odd, and hard to live with… That is no excuse for his obnoxious behaviour though.

“It might be a reason, but not an excuse,” Tabitha had said one evening, Victoria, stretching just outside the kitchen window, heard Tabitha and Richard discuss Chris. “I know he had a tough time, but so do lots of other people. Doesn’t mean to say you can do what you want, and get away with it. I do feel sorry for Victoria, I wonder what…” Her voice had disappeared then, as the two of them had left the kitchen, leaving Victoria to mull over their words. Well, she wonders too, wonders where her sanity can be found again! She twists, bends, stretches…and prays…with all the frantic longings of her heart, “Please Lord, one child, just one child…”

Calm Waters

Tabitha is standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the Peacock table, trying to think why she had gone into the kitchen in the first place! She looks at the table, looks round, catches sight of two little pigtails, and remembers! The spare nappy bags! Quickly she digs through the drawers where she was sure she had some stashed away, and dashes out of the kitchen the moment she lays hands on them. Great! Now, where is Eva? “Eva, where are you, sweetie, come here quickly, because Mummy needs to check on Theo.”

Tabitha grins to herself, and can feel her smile growing the moment she lifts Eva high up in the air! She has a daughter! A sweet, cheeky toddler, cute little face, little pigtails, auburn hair of course. She still needs to remind herself that it is really true, she has a daughter, and now, in the bassinet there is a little baby. She actually laughs out loud, which sends Eva into a fit of giggles!

“Do you think that’s funny?” She croons, tickling her, “You have no idea how special you are, little one, you really have no idea! One day, when you’re old enough, we will tell you. We will tell you about the miracle that you are, and why we called you Eva. I suppose we will tell you also why your little brother is called Theodore, which means Gift from God. You are, yes, you are, you both are,” she continues, and probably would have continued a lot longer, but for the footsteps coming into the lounge.

Cousin Chris, she groans to herself, just what I need. I wonder how much he heard. I know I shouldn’t care, really, but I do. She looks up, mainly because of Eva, who is looking up with a very confused expression. She never knew that toddlers could look that confused, and it worries her a little. Chris is standing nearby, a scowl making his eyes almost disappear under his bushy eyebrows. “Great way to go, cousin,” he grates out at her, “nice and kind, ha ha. Great to rub it in, as if you’re the only ones favoured by your God. You know, some peace and quiet in the house could also be a gift from God, and that is exactly what I would be enjoying, if your kids didn’t make such a racket.”

With that, he is out of the lounge again, leaving Tabitha almost as confused as Eva. The little girl looks at her face, and Tabitha brings on the sunniest smile she can pull, and they both giggle, and spin round, and play, until Tabitha feels all the anger floating out of the huge latticed windows. She tidies herself up a bit, straightens the lounge, and as she turns to go to the room with the bassinet, she glimpses a shade of red going round the corner. Victoria.

Tabitha’s happiness has a little wobble, she feels so sad for Victoria! After all, the girl grew up in an amazing house, a mansion, richly decorated and furnished, with fun loving people. Now she is living in their cluttered house, as varied in colour as the ‘amazing technicolour dreamcoat’, apart from the amazing bit that is. She wonders if Victoria ever regrets marrying Chris? Not at first of course, as Chris was all smiles and hugs whilst courting her. He dressed immaculately for their wedding, and even for the wedding reception. The pictures show him smiling broadly at Victoria, hugging her, talking to her.

Tabitha tries to think when that changed. She knows that straight after their wedding Richard was diagnosed with Llama Flu. She shivers, like she always does when she thinks of that time. Her stomach still does a flip when she remembers the fear and anxiety of those days. Victoria had been so sweet then, helping her, supporting her and Richard. They had lived in the Granny Annexe for a while, until just before Eva was born. Victoria had suggested they moved back, and she and Chris would live in the Annexe.

Tabitha thinks through the moments they have had, and that is when Richard notices her. He is feeding Theodore when she walks into their room. “You alright?” he asks, looking a bit concerned, but still focussed on his son. His son! He can’t get over it, one moment he is going to live with Llama Flu, and all that entails, the next moment he is the immensely proud father of two children! “You look like you’re thinking,” he smiles at Tabitha, “trying to remember something you needed to do? Bath Eva? Clean Theo? Kiss me?”

Tabitha laughs, honestly, Richard can cheer her up any time! “I was just thinking about Victoria,” she says, “I was trying to remember when Chris stopped being outgoing, smiling, and returned to his usual sulky self. I spotted Victoria walking past the lounge, and I just wondered how she really is doing at the moment. You both grew up in such a lush environment, with so much luxury, it must be hard to leave all that behind.” She looks at Richard, and tries to smile at him. She doesn’t want to sound like she thinks he is ungrateful or materialistic, but she is a realist!

Richard looks at the tasteful blue room, the little boy in his arms, beautiful wife standing in front of him, and his smile reaches from one ear to the other ear, splitting his face in two. “Oh sweetheart, don’t you worry about that, not ever! I have all I need, all I want, you’re the best thing any man can have. I also have two adorable kids, what more would I want? I’m the richest man in Sims Mobile, who cares about stuff? You know, having the Flu helped to get life into perspective. It’s so sweet of you to think about that though, you’re my love!”

Tabitha is relieved, she knows he really means it. He really is the kindest man she could imagine, and to be married to him is, well, amazing doesn’t really do it justice! She looks round the room as well, happy with the blue bedspread… “I’m so glad we have a blue bedspread,” she says with great conviction. Richard straightens up from the bassinet, and stares at her.

“Excuse me?” he hesitates, looking totally confused, “did I miss part of the conversation? I thought we were talking about something different?”

Tabitha laughs, “It’s my wild train of thought,” she jokes, “it just took an unexpected turn. I was thinking about the Llama Flu, and the horror of those days, and how I used to wake up looking at the yellow bedspread. I vowed at one time that I would get rid of it, and never sleep under a stripy yellow bedspread again! Life is so different now, the Llama days seem a different lifetime, something that happened to another generation, and I just thought how grateful I was to have a blue bedspread.”

They laugh, her wild thought patterns a standing joke between them. Tabitha maintains that it helps her in her job, that it makes her a more creative photographer. Richard winds her up, and says that she just uses it as a smart excuse in order to get away with chaotic conversations! They look at each other, holding hands, smiling into each other’s eyes. “Can you remember that party Victoria threw for us? The one straight after Eva was born? Everyone seemed to turn up in yellow! In fact, one of the guests thought they had misread the party invite, and missed the fact that it was supposed to be a yellow party!”

“That was such a wonderful night, and I remember the feeling of your hands, your kisses, when we renewed our vows…It was so special, I was so moved…” Tabitha’s throat isn’t being very cooperative just now, she can only swallow, not speak. “I remember,” she manages to squeak out, “I remember us both promising to love and to hold, to cherish, in everything, in sickness and health… By then we really knew what those words meant, we weren’t just rattling our way through them in order to finish the Event. We meant them. Doesn’t that seem forever ago? But I can still see us both, standing under the arch, you in your canary shirt…” she can’t talk, she is laughing too much now, remembering Richard, by then the picture of health, wearing a ridiculous getup, love radiating off him in huge waves, encapsulating her, captivating her, enveloping her, until they were the only people on Sims Planet, let alone Sims Mobile.

Nothing else mattered, nothing else was needed, just the two of them. She remembers the tiny pitter patter of Eva’s staggering first few steps, and how it had reduced her to tears, overwhelmed with God’s goodness in all their riches.

Looking at the little bassinet, just able to spot a tiny fist waving about, she thinks back to those days, dreaming, floating on the memories. She looks up at her Mr Handsome, and says, in a much more serious voice, “You know, I can’t ever forget those hair raising days, the heartache and grief, but you know, I realise how easy it is to become placid. It is so easy to slide into everyday life, and to just take it all for granted!”

Richard agrees, “Yes, I sort of vowed that I would never take good health for granted again. Most days I do, though, and it’s scarily easy to do so! Life is so full and busy, and we lap it up, and we forget to actually stop and thank God for it. We just live it, love the gifts, enjoy the gifts and use them, and we actually in all our busy moment forget the Giver! It’s only when things go wrong that we look for something or someone to blame. We never blame anyone when things go the way we want them to go… It’s just so easy to do, I mean, life is so amazing, and the days just glide from one day into the next, it’s so surreal after the manic stress and devastating terror of those Llama days!”

Tabitha goes back to the kitchen, thinking about this. Victoria helps her to get dinner ready, and they chat a little in between grilling and stirring. “How are you doing?” asks Tabitha, “I meant to ask you the other day, we just seem to move past each other all the time!”

Victoria smiles, she always smiles thinks Tabitha, and shrugs, “Oh, I have been busy too, although not in the same way as you have of course! The Court is just quite busy at the moment, there have been quite a few parties in town, so that always brings extra work of course.” Tabitha grimaces and nods, parties can be like that. Looking at Victoria’s cute pixie like face, she realises that she could actually listen to Victoria’s voice for ages, it’s so sweet!

“I saw your friends quite a while ago, you know, the guy with the cowboy hat? They came in to register their daughter’s birth! It can’t have been that long before Eva was born, it was definitely around the time of…of…well, you know, that awful time, when everyone in town was so worried. Penny they called her, so sweet! She really is a cute little girl, and they are so happy! They were both at the Celebration Party as well, you know, after…after…” Victoria’s melodious voice actually harpers a bit, Tabitha notices in shock, “They said they had someone keeping an eye on Penny, and they took it in turn to pop back home to double check. I wonder if they have had another baby yet, or whether they will just have the one. Its such a responsibility, you know, so I can understand about families with just one child. Seems a tiny bit sad for the child though, if you know what I mean. Also, it’s then easy to put all your hopes and expectations on the one child, which could be awkward, like with…” she stops, blushes a bit, and turns to the microwave, “Oh, this one is done, I just love how you can nuke things quickly!”

Tabitha is a bit dazed after all that, and grins in herself, “I know I said I could listen to her sweet clear voice all day? Well, I think I just did…!”

Victoria breezes out of the kitchen once they’re finished, smiling, and chattering to Adrianna. Tabitha looks at the two of them disappearing off to some project no doubt, Mum loves projects, an Victoria always seems to have a surplus of energy… I wish I could borrow some, at least till Theo sleeps through the night… Interesting that she suddenly stopped though, when talking about small families. Maybe she isn’t as happy as she looks. After all, Chris is Mr Awkward at the best of times, with his longsuffering attitude…with the stress on suffering… Honestly, I’m sure he just looks for opportunities to become the victim of something or other! I wonder what they think about our children? I have seen Victoria watching, smiling as usual, and Chris seems to glare every time they make a noise. I just wonder…poor Victoria,, I hope she really is alright?